AN: By the way, this story starts out exactly like my other Peter Pan tale. But this one is very parody-ish. It isn't to be taken seriously at all, in case of curiousity. (Curiousity killed the cat. But satisfaction brought it back.)
A Peter Pan Parody, Where Hook Gets the Girl
It was the eve of Maeve Merrick's birthday.
She was just about to go to sleep. She was thinking over and over again in her mind that now that she was about to turn sixteen, she did not want to grow up. She went to sleep thinking that growing up was what she wasn't going to do.
It was late at night when she woke up. Her room was dark and her draperies were blowing as if the window was open. She crawled out of bed to see if the window was open. Indeed it was.
She closed it.
Maeve was just climbing back into bed when the window flew wide open.
Maeve stood up, quite alarmed.
A boy flew in. A ball of light trailed behind him. Maeve knew who this boy was.
"Peter Pan?" she cried with wonder.
"It is I, Peter Pan. I've come to take you away to Neverland."
His voice was lower than she expected. The story books had always told her he was at an age before the brink of adolescence. But the story books were wrong.
Peter Pan was a boy of seventeen. (A wonderful age for Maeve.) He was a red head (glorious red head) with a complete set of adult teeth. He was tall. Five nine or ten. The outfit was the only thing the story books got right (bare chest, but defined, and clad with skeleton leaves).
"Are you ready?" he asked, smiling a perfect smile.
"Ummmm…" was all Maeve said. However, her feet gave her answer away.
Peter Pan took her hand. "Come away. Come away to Neverland!"
"Alright!" Maeve said.
And so, they flew to Neverland.
The flight was filled with galaxies and stars and cosmos, laughing and twinkling.
Neverland was everything and anything you could ever want. A gorgeous blue ocean, a green lagoon filled with mermaids and fish. Just outside the lagoon was a pirate ship. In the middle of the dense forest, Maeve could see the Indians' teepees. There was the cave; the cave where Peter had once fought the Captain James Hook.
She knew at once that she wished to see this man called Hook.
She and Peter had many adventures with the mermaids and Indians, but Maeve wanted to meet the pirates. Specifically, Captain Hook.
On her twelfth day in Neverland, she got her chance.
Peter and Hook were fighting. Peter was knocked down (oh dear!), but before Hook could gut him, Maeve stopped him.
She had seen his eyes turn blood red from his normal forget-me-not blue.
"Captain Hook, stop!" she cried.
Miraculously, he did. And Maeve finally saw the real Hook.
He was barely twenty; twenty-five at most. He had dark chocolate hair and good bone structure. At this time in his life, he still had his hand. That is, if he ever lost it at all. (Let's just say that Peter never gave Hook's hand to the crocodile.)
(Future Hook, obviously.)
His eyes returned to their forget-me-not blue. "Well, what do we have here? Peter's foretold story teller?"
"I don't tell stories, James Hook. I make them."
"Well then, a feisty heroine? What a perfect story?" Sarcasm dripped from Hook's words. And, he was off his guard.
Maeve quickly disarmed him, his own sword in her hand.
"Did the story books tell you that, Hookie?" Maeve said with a Malfoy-like smirk. But that, my dear, was acquired in another fabulous tale.
"Feisty and clever. What a change from these imbeciles," Hook said, indicating his crew.
"Of course," Maeve said, the sword still pointed at Hook's chest. "Now, you should surrender about now."
"You expect me to surrender? Never," Hook scoffed.
"But don't you wish you did? This wouldn't make you the bad guy once. And I know that you'd like to see what it's like to be the good guy. That's what bad guys always want to be: the good guy. So, do you wish to surrender to me?"
James Hook stood there, contemplating his choices. The girl was right: all "bad guys" wanted to be the good guy at least once. But, why should he surrender to this arbitrary girl?
"Cap'n! Cap'n! Where are ye!"
"Smee, can you not see I'm in the middle of a very difficult decision!"
"Sorry, Cap'n. Didn't mean to interrupt you in thee middle of a very important decision. I'll be going now."
"Well, this is a very difficult decision, and you've made some very good points, so…"
And Smee scurried off.
"Now, back to my decision. It's a very interesting concept of being the "good guy" as you say. And my answer to this is why not?"
"Kneel, then." Surprisingly, he knelt. "Disarm yourself from any weapons you have on your person." And he did. "Stand up."
Captain James Hook wasn't sure he liked being the good guy, being bossed around the way his was. But didn't he always get foiled by Peter Pan, a mere seventeen year old boy? Certainly he could foil this so-called heroine.
"Your Excellency, I'm afraid I do not know your name, while you know mine."
"Well, I'm afraid that I won't be telling you my real name, so you can call me Your Excellency. It works."
Damn it! She's one step ahead of me!
Well, of course Maeve was one step ahead. She was Maeve.
"For my next request, I want you to carry Peter to a more comfortable place. The deck of the ship has to be incredibly uncomfortably and not to mention dirty. My friend has an aversion to germs. It kind of rubbed off on me."
Hook did as he was told, and brought Peter to his cabin and put him on his couch-thing.
"What next, you Excellency?"
"Teach me how to steer this vessel."
And Hook did. Maeve was quite good at it.
"Now, I want you to learn how to dance."
"Dance?" Hook coughed.
"Oh bloody hell."
"Oh yes. Now put your hand in my hand and your other hand on the small of my back."
And they danced. But only to one-two-threes at first.
And Hook, amazingly, was a natural.
"Hookie, how are you so good? You must've taken lessons."
"I don't believe I ever have, Your Excellency. But I might have. I don't remember anything from before I came to Neverland."
"I suppose." Hookie was beginning to warm up to this "Excellency" of his. But, who wouldn't. She was very tricky.
As the days wore on, Captain James Hook locked Peter Pan up in a room, due to his "Excellency's" orders. He had many more dancing lessons and lessons in "American" culture (whatever that was). He also learned that he very muchly liked his "Excellency". She was truly beginning to grow on him.
Eventually, his "Excellency" decided that she wished to be the good guy again.
"That's fine with me. That means that you are now in my possession and you must listen to what I say."
"Oooh! Evil Hookie is back!"
"Yes, and my first command is for you to tie Peter Pan up."
She was shocked. "I will most certainly not!"
"Oh yes you will, or it is to the plank for you!"
Maeve scowled at Hook. Despite his evil disposition, he was quite fetching. He couldn't possibly help that. Not even if he lost one of his hands to a crocodile. And so, she did as she was told.
Hook told her a million more meaningless tasks. And she did each one more obediently each time.
Eventually, Hook got bored with bossing her around completely and he told her to do something less meaningless.
"I wish for you to do or say whatever you want to me."
"Hit me, curse at me, kick me. Whatever you wish."
Maeve thought of all the evil things she could do. And yet, she chose the most unassuming one.
And she kissed Hook.
Oh, and did he like it.
(You had to know it was coming!)
Just as soon as he kissed her, she flew away. And Peter flew after her, because she had left his cabin door unlocked and tricked the Captain Hook once more.
"Toodles Hookie! I'll miss you!" she cried from up in the sky.
"Damnations!" he cried up into the sky.
Just as Peter was about to take her out of Neverland forever (he was quite tired of her and she was quite tired of Neverland and wished to tell her friends of her wonderful excursions in Neverland), Hookie called up to her.
"What is your name, Your Excellency?"
"Oh, that? It's Maeve, Hookie." And she flew off into the deep blue yonder, never to be seen again by the Captain James Hook, more affectionately known as Hookie.
Back in Maeve's bedroom in a little old town in upstate New York, the window was open and waiting for Maeve.
"That was fun. But I do not wish to do that again. Next time, I'll find a mousy story teller instead of a feisty heroine," Peter commented.
"Next time, I'll choose you over Hookie."
"Well, goodbye Maeve."
"Goodbye Peter. Don't forget me."
"Me? Forget? Never!"
And Peter flew off. Second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Oh, wait till her friends heard of this!
AN: This story will be eventually continued in a Harry Potter tale!