One we are Nobodies, Two we are whole
Chapter One: Axel
"I wanted to see Roxas… He… was the only one I liked… He made me feel… like I had a heart. It's kind of… funny… You make me feel… the same." A ghost of a smile spread on the Nobody's paled features.
Axel gazed up into Sora's crestfallen face just before he took his final breaths of his nonexistent life. Within his empty body, inside his empty chest where is heart shold have been, a pang of regret shot through him like liquid fire. He blink backed the water coming to his eyes. What were they? Tears?
'Roxas…' he thought, vision blurring as he smiled up at Sora once more, imagining it was the yellowed hair youth he cared deeply for, 'I wish I could have seen you, just one last time buddy.'
He could remember exactly how his once blonde cheerful friend used to be before he left the damned Organization, how they used to be. Driving Xemnas and the others insane with Demyx, rocking out to songs from the outside worlds late into the night. He closed his eyes, a tear escaping from his left eyes as the darkness consumed him. The feeling of liquid running down his temples felt endearing, and frightening. Was this what it meant to feel sadness or contentment? Never had he felt the need to cry until now.
A year was too short live for the younger nobody. But either way, Axel loved Roxas like a little brother, maybe even more if he had a heart. Nobodies didn't have hearts, and as the superior alway said 'therefore cannot feel emotions.' Emotions? What a joke. Everything he ever said was just a big joke to him.
What did it mean to have a heart?
What would it feel like to know love, anger, betrayal, hate, sadness or maybe even acceptance and belonging? What drove them to their existence? If they, simple Nobodies whose mere existence meant nothing, could not feel any emotion, then how could they smile, laugh, obsess over something and have the will to carry on with their so called life? What made the Superior so determined to find this Kingdom Hearts? Was it really to find himself a heart? To find a way to exist and be apart of something bigger then what they were? There just had to be something there, something more important then this heart concept that eluded them all for long. A 'heart' had to be something more then just a physical thing that housed emotions.
What ever it was, Axel didn't give a damn. He felt whole with Roxas, felt as if he had an actual heart and was alive in every sense of the word. That was all that mattered to the pyromaniac. He was happy and content watching over his friend and just being with him. That was… until Roxas left. Never had he questioned his feeling, but Axel knew that somehow, they had the ability to feel. The moment Roxas stepped into that portal never had Axel experienced so much turmoil.
'No one would miss me…' What the hell was he thinking? Of course someone would miss him. His one true friend… Axel. Could they even call what they had Friendship? Didn't he give a rat's ass about him? What was the point of their fun then? Did it not have a special meaning in his… his… Heart?
No. He didn't have a heart, none of them did. But why, why did it hurt so much to see the boy walk away from him, leaving behind his past, his friend and everything he ever had? Axel had never felt so lost and so lonely. It hurt him, it hurt him in a way he never felt. If he had a heart, would he have died? There were so many questions left unanswered, so many feelings Axel had yet to experience. Roxas was his key to existing, his reason to live.He just couldn't exist without him. He was dying from the start, and by helping Sora, he accelerated it. But it wasn't for Sora, it was to save Roxas. Damn that Namine for helping him find Sora!
Did Axel ever feel what love was? Oh yes he felt that for Roxas. Call him gay, he didn't care! There was no other word that could describe what he felt for the smaller nobody. Acceptance? With Roxas.
Belonging? Only with Roxas.
Sadness? The night Roxas left him.
Hate? Yes… at himself for not stopping Roxas from trying to find who he was apart of.
Depression? When he had to hunt down Roxas and now his only chance to see the young blonde haired boy was lost.
Betrayal? When Roxas forgot him.
Anger? Hell yeah, he didn't get to see Roxas again dammit! Sora was so much like Roxas… but then again, Roxas was Sora. He was apart of the keyblade master's heart. In truth, the Nobody didn't exist, especially not now that he emerged with the brown, spiky haired teen.
Looking back, maybe he had experienced more than he thought. But what about joy? Happiness… Ok, so he did, but with Roxas. It was always with Roxas, and only with Roxas. Traitor or not, he loved the boy with whatever he had, mind, body, maybe even his heart and soul if he did have one.
There was just something about him that made Axel feel special, and by god, he never felt so full of life, so full of ambition to make something of his existence. If he was going to die, at least he would die with the one person who carried Roxas with in him. He smiled at the thought when Sora's face filled with blackness. He faintly wondered if he cried for him. Would Roxas?
Maybe there was more to everything that not even Xemnas understood or knew about. Maybe there was more then just actually having a blood pumping organ that constricted every time some one left you hurt or swelled when you were proud. Axel kind of understood that now. A heart wasn't really a physical thing, but a feeling. If you could show compassion or detestation for someone without even thinking, but reacting to a sensation felt within you instinctively, then maybe you could say you did have a heart or at least half. Everyone knows two halves equal a whole. And Roxas was that half he had been missing all this time.
Sora… good kind hearted Sora and so much like Roxas. He was jealous to say the least of the fifteen year old. At least Roxas became whole again, and he was going to live within the very person, the very heart, he was created from. But despite it all, Axel was happy; his friend was going to live. He had another chance at life, and this time he would be complete.
Roxas… it was always Roxas he loved… It was with Roxas he felt complete. Without him... he was just a Nobody. A pitiful broken-hearted Nobody missing his other half.
Re Edition of AXEL. Thank you for the hits, I'd appreciate reviews too…