Hiya! Wow… my first xxxHOLiC fic! Please regard me kindly!

Disclaimer: The lovely ladies of CLAMP own xxxHOLiC and many, many other FABULOUS manga!

…Though is it just me, or is there a lot of blood and angsty-ness lately? Especially in Tsubasa! I CRIED when I read volume 19 and chapter 150!

I tried to have comparisons between Watanuki and Doumeki in each paragraph… sadly, as you can (soon) see, that didn't work out later


Watanuki hated Doumeki. It was as simple as that.

He hated that blank face. It was so unlike his own animated features. He could never know what Doumeki was thinking behind that expressionless face.

He hated how Doumeki never really spoke to him. It was a matter of manners for Gods sake! His speech monosyllabic, monotone and any other mono- you could care to mention. And he never answered any questions, just let out a grunt. And also, his name wasn't that hard! His name wasn't oi and Doumeki knew it! And that slow, steady way of talking was so different from his, which was full of words and exclamation points (A/N OH YEAH!)

He hated those insane lunch orders. How on earth was he supposed to get things that were out of season any way?!? And all those complex dishes were so hard to make! Doumeki would never even say thank you. Watanuki knew if someone made him lunch everyday, he'd thank them.

He really hated how Doumeki would get in between him and his sweet Himawari-Chan. Whenever he had a chance to spend time alone with her, Mr. Stoic would appear and interrupt them. And when he wanted to go somewhere with the angel he knew Himawari-Chan was… he would somehow end up going with Doumeki instead! It was simply infuriating. The tall idiot seemed to have no trouble being with her and talking to her while he was tongue-tied.

Watanuki also hated that intense look Doumeki gave him sometimes. Like the boy was looking into his very soul. He felt like every secret and thought he had was laid bare before the other. He always wanted to squirm and shy away, hide from that steady look. Watanuki hated Doumeki for doing that when he couldn't do it back. He couldn't understand Doumeki at all, but when he was looked at like that he felt like the stoic boy knew and understood everything about him. Oh, how he hated Doumeki for that strong gaze.

He especially hated how Doumeki always saved him. He couldn't stand being in debt to the archer. Watanuki also didn't understand why one earth the other boy did it. It's not like he fell over in gratitude and treated his savior like a king. Quite the opposite in fact. It also made him feel weak, like he needed to be saved. And the haunted boy got a terrible empty feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever Doumeki was hurt while saving him. He could do nothing and only watch helplessly when the tall boy saved rescued him again and again. He could never once save Doumeki like he was always saved, and he absolutely hated that.

But Watanuki's main beef with Doumeki was how he made him feel. Like butterflies were loose in his stomach whenever he leaned over to take a bite from Watanuki's lunch. These terrible, confusing, awful, beautiful feelings swirled around in the blue… no, blue and gold eyed boy. He didn't know why he felt these things, or what they were. They were different for what he felt for other people, even Himawari-Chan. All he knew was that is was all Doumeki's fault for making him feel this way… and Watanuki hated him for that.

Except… Watanuki knew, somewhere in the places of his heart that he absolutely refused to admit he had, the real reason he hated Doumeki. It was because he didn't hate him. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

In fact…

Watanuki knew the opposite was true. And he hated Doumeki for making this happen…

for making him fall in love with him.


GAH! I KNOW! It's a TERRIBLE ENDING!!!!!! (runs and cries in a corner). It originally ended with the "Not even a little bit, not even at all". But my crazy shounen-ai side (you KNOW you have one!) wouldn't let it go! It hounded me day and night till I added this! Blame that side!

R&R please! (mumble) if my crazy rambling hasn't made you inch away slowly yet (mumble)