Nooooooooo! The sues have spread to The Sons of Anarchy fandom. (Screams loud enough to shatter windows) Why? Why? WHY!?
(Unbetaed because I wanted to get this up quickly so I can work on a birthday fic)
Ways to Annoy the Mary Sues of Ipswich, part 23
1) Call them preps
2) Make them try out for cheerleading! Oh noes!
3) And no, they are not allowed to have powers if they make the team. (What fandom do you think this is, Heroes?)
4) Always ask them if their boobs are real
5) Ask if it's physically possible for them to describe Tyler's appearance without the word "Beautiful"
6) Or 'Angelic'
7) Then smack them for turning him into a Gary Stu
8) Make yourself their official "Fairy God Mother" and then fuck up all their wishes
9) For a laugh, turn all the boys gay (not like they're already not anyway)
10) Explain that there can only be ONE Highlander, dammit.
11) Always ask them if they're Bipolar
12) Buy them a copy Twilight and laugh when they lock themselves away in their dorms and dream of Edward
13) Later, inform them that Reid and Tyler are just about as far from the Bipolar, 'sparkly', virgin-for-over-a-hundred-years vampire persona as you can get
14) Have all their outfits refitted into smaller sizes
15) Steal the two kids from the Bedtime Stories movie and put them to good use, you know what I mean
16) Hold additions American Idol style for "The Next Mary Sue". The winner will be granted a full scholarship to Ipswich (not like she'll need it anyway with her A++++ average grades lol)
17) Feel free to be as ruthless and mean as Simon
18) Dress them up in cheesy monster costumes and send them to the Power Rangers fandom
19) If they make it out alive (and sane) feel free to dress in spandex and finish the job yourself
20) Send a memo around Spencer informing the instructors that the boys are not allowed to be paired with any "flawless" or "shy but very beautiful" girls for class projects
21) If they absolutely must have sex with the boys for god's sake, tell them to get creative. Caleb's a hair puller, Pogue has a leather fetish, Reid has authority issues and no one seriously believes Tyler's as innocent as he looks
22) Have Doctor Manhattan awe them with his epic "Holy- crap- he's- naked- and- hung- like- a- giant- blue- horse" power (because it sure as heck awed the shit outa me lol)