Natsume leaves for a a long time and Mikan goes into depression because he never told her about it, and when he returns the old Mikan he loved has changed into a cold, depressing person. Can she change back, or will she drown in her tears?

Me: New story, but, this is ANGSTY!

Rabdom fan: ...

Me: Yeppers, angsty people

Reviewer: ...

Me: ...

Me: Disclaimer, I do NOT own Gakuen Alice! I had this idea last year, and, it is very angsty, I myst tell you! Be warned!

Don't Drown in your Tears

One: Goodbye Natsume...

Mikan sat under a blooming sakura tree that sunny afternoon, clutching a letter in her clenched hands, her knuckles white. The letter was from Hotaru, telling Mikan not to enter her labrotory for a few days because she was working on an 'important' project. Mikan couldn't care less, Hotaru was always busy with work. No, the reason she was so angry was because of the other letter, the one beside her, and she picked it up, staring at the writing as tears pricked her eyes, and she re-read that letter, the one from 6 years ago...

Flashback

Mikan was sitting under a sakura tree that day, where she was reading a letter that made tears spill down her pale cheeks, and she put a hand to her mouth, shaking her head, she didn't wnat to believe it, the threatening tears soon cascaded down her face and onto the grass she sat on,

Dear Polka-Dots,
I am going on a long mission around the world, I don't know when I'll be coming back or IF I'll be back, but Ruka
told me to send you a letter as he didn't want you 'too' upset over my leave. I think I might die in this mission, or I
may live, but remember, I may never come back. But you'll most likely forget me.
Natsume Hyuuga

Mikan's tears dripped onto her hands and the letter as she sobbed and shook her head, she couldn't believe it, Natsume Hyuuga was really leaving.

Mikan stood up and started to run through the dormitry block, she knew Natsume would still be in his room, packing for his journey and his stupid mission that would probably kill him. Mikan ran all the way, her tears spilling down her cheeks as she stopped in front of his door, and suddenly she flew in, to Natsume's shock, and she stared at him with large, tear filled eyes.

"Polka-dots... What are you doing here?!" Natsume suddenly snapped angrily, and Mikan started to glare at him and threw the stupid letter at his chest as he stared at her, confused.

"Natsume, you idiot! You could die on this mission and you don't care! How can you leave, now!? Especially at a time like this... You moron!" she screamed, punching his chest as he stared at her in utter shock, then suddenly pushed her away roughly as his bangs fell into his eyes and he glared angrily at the brunette.

"Don't you DARE touch me! This isn't your choice to make! I can do what I want! You aren't the boss of me! This is MY decision! I don't want to talk about this anymore with the likes of you! Just GET OUT!!!" Natsume started to shout angrily as Mikan gasped and stared at him, wide eyed with shock, the tears in her eyes hitting his carpet as she looked up at him, and saw the coldness in his eyes, and hurt. He walked past her, but as he passed the crying girl he heard a small, shaky voice call to him.

"Natsume... You don't care about my feelings, do you? You only care about yourself. But, what if... What if you DID die?! What would I do then, huh? It would break my heart." she turned to stare at him, her eyes brimming with fresh tears, "Natsume, what if I said I loved you!? Would that change your mind!?" cried the brunette as Natsume stopped walking, and clenched his fist, staring at the door, Mikan watching him, her eyes boaring into the back of his head, then, he started to walk again, faster, this time.

"Nothing will change my mind, you stupid girl." he said in a shallow voice and walked out of sight as Mikan gasped loudly, and fell to her knee's and her head fell into her hands as she started to cry and his footsteps faded away, leaving the girl in her weeping state...

Days later, Mikan was seated in her room, refusing to leave because she was grieving for Natsume, wanting him to return. Now, Mikan was always in a pool of tearss, but Ruka and Koko had once walked in when she was in a real state of depression.

"Mikan, we came to tell you something. Natsume once told me to tell you this, 'Don't drown in your tears.' We... Don't know what it means exactly, but it may become clear in the future, perhaps?" Ruka said as Mikan stared at him, then slowly turned her head away as the tears trickled down her face and she stood up, facing the window, then walking towards her window as she stared out of it, blankly.

"I... Don't care anymore. I don't care about anything, now. I have wasted so many tears on him, already... Why do i even bother? He can die on his journey, for all I care. Now, go, leave me alone, and never talk to me AGAIN!" she screamed angrily, her voice had started out cold and turned angrier by the minute, she roughly pushed them out of her room, and slammed the door behind them.

Mikan slid down her door, and forced herself to never cry again, to become cold...

End Flashback

Mikan stared at the letter in her hand, then wiped her eyes roughly, glaring at the old paper, telling herself mentally not to cry for the boy who broke her heart so coldly. Mikan growled and suddenly started to tear the paper in half, then into fours and smaller pieces, and then she started on Hotaru's letter, as well. She stomped off angrily, leaving the paper to blow away in the wind.

Ever since the day she had confessed her love to Natsume and he coldly left, she had suddenly grown cold and depressed. ice had formed around her broken heart and her smile had suddenly disappeared. The sparkle in her eyes that captured a boys heart was missing and she laughed no longer. Mikan was cold, distant and wouldn't approach anyone but Hotaru and Ruka, she barely said a word at all and she rarely ever made eye contact with anyone.

On free lessons, Mikan would either sit in her room alone or under the sakura tree, alone, all the time. No one dared to even go near her. Mikan didn't dare to shed her tears in the light or outside, but inside, Mikan was crying. Mikan had tried to escape many times, but the only way to escape from herself was making herself bleed. She cut herself.

Mikan knew it was wrong, but seeing her own blood hitting the cold ground made her feel so much better. Mikan wished to forget Natsume Hyuuga, but she couldn't. It was him that made her so lonely and distant from the world. It was all his fault.

It was his fault for never returning he rlove. But Mikan never knew that all the time, Natsume had loved her, but that Persona had forbidden him to tell her, and that if Natsume told her his feelings Mikan would be dead. So, Natsume acted cold towards her. No one but Hotaru and Ruka knew this, but, they promised to never tell the brunette.

As Mikan walked away, someone watched her closely. Her stride was brisk and her long waist length hair flew with the breeze in it's high ponytail. She had grown a fringe and the person could see ugly scars covering her wrists clearly, her school skirt was long and touched her ankles, swaying in the wind, and, what suprised this person most was that she had no smile upon her face, and no sparkle in her brown eyes. He saw that her nails were painted crimson and black, like blood and the night sky. Was this the Mikan Sakura he loved? Was she Mikan sakura?

Once she was out of view, he stood up from his hiding place, his bangs overlapping his eyes as he looked towards the school building. He was meeting Ruka, and that Hotaru, in Hotaru's room. That was why Mikan was forbidden to enter for the next few days, because he was there.

Natsume wanted to know why Mikan had changed, and he knew that only Hotaru and Ruka could tell him, because Mikan would not approach anyone else...

End Chapter One

Short but sweet... well, not sweet... I made this a year ago and all the chapters were short, but I actually expand the chapters more on the computer... Okay, review, please, ehehehe... Hope you enjoyed, warning, angsty chapters.

Love Blue -Niagra

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