About time I posted something! Geez! I need to type up more of my stuff! And WOW! jacksparrow589's writing something with multiple chapters! Granted, they won't necessarily flow together, but they'll be funny (I hope, I hope)!

A/N: Warning: If you do not appreciate borderline crack-fics, click the back button NOW. Craziness ensues from here on out!

"Hey, Hawkeye- I'll watch Hayate while you go to that meeting," Roy volunteered one pleasantly bright afternoon.

Riza looked confused as to why the Colonel would even volunteer to watch her puppy after he had been caught swearing at (and almost torching) the poor thing at least twelve times in the past month. She raised an eyebrow. "Are you quite sure you want to do this, sir?"

Roy nodded quickly. "Absolutely positive. Nothing to worry about. Have fun now. Bye-bye!" He all but shoved Hawkeye out the door.

"If you need anything, just ask-" Riza was interrupted rather rudely by Roy's comment.

"Fuery, I know! Bye now!" Roy shut the door and leaned against it. Looking down at the puppy, he smiled like a maniac. "Alright, Hayate. Time to show me what you know."

Hayate whimpered and buried his nose in his paws. Whatever the tall, dark-haired friend of his master had in mind for him was clearly not going to be fun.

"Hah! No you don't, you little rascal…" Roy dove under Hawkeye's desk for the cowering canine.

"Hey, Chief!" Havoc called. "What's- okay… where's Hawkeye? And… why are you taking care of the- what was it you called Hayate? Ah!- vicious little devil you utterly despise?"

Roy shrugged. "Eh. Felt like it. I do like dogs, after all."

Breda choked on his laughter. "Could've fooled me with how you act sometimes."

"You can't blame it all on me!" Roy protested. "He's a little rascal, like I was saying!" He turned back to the puppy and picked him up. "You and I are going to have a lot of fun, boy. Oh no you… Not so fast!" Roy grasped Black Hayate again as he tried to jump into Fuery's arms.

"If I may, sir, um…" Fuery did not quite know if he should say it.

"Out with it, Fuery!" Roy commanded as Hayate's struggles got stronger and stronger.

"Heneedstogotothebathroom!" Fuery burst out.

"He wha-? Oh dammit!" Roy cried as Hayate got loose and ran over to the pad Riza had provided. He sighed when he realized that that was the only place Hayate was going. That, and his "bed"- really just a ratty blanket Hawkeye had folded up and placed beneath her desk.

About an hour later (making three hours total), Hawkeye returned.

Roy, however, did not notice this. "Miserable little sonuva- Sit!" He roared, snapping before he realized what exactly he was doing.

Hayate ran, whimpering. He hid behind Riza's legs. Of course, Roy did not realize this, either. That was, until he was about to snap.

Riza cleared her throat, and the room fell silent. "Colonel, mind telling me why you're trying to terrorize my puppy?" She drew her gun, not moving from the doorway. "If there's anything you've ever wanted to do, I'm giving you ten seconds. Begin."

"Butbutbut-! IwasjusttryingtotrainHayateandhegotannoyingpleasebelieveme!" Roy pleaded. He could see this was not going anywhere pretty, and fast. "Hawkeye-!" He gasped and pointed over to the side. "Look!"

He was surprised she fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book, but he was able separate gun from sharpshooter in a matter of milliseconds. For good measure, he pinned her to the wall. It was a pretty nice body tackle, too, as Havoc pointed out, causing Hawkeye to make rather graphic threats and also causing Roy to construct a few of his own.

It was Breda who then pointed out that Hawkeye had no gun, and that they had not exactly moved, so they must be enjoying it…

Needless to say, when the carnage had ended, Hawkeye and Mustang were starting to feel like teaming up, despite the differences over a cute little puppy, was looking like the right thing to do, especially when it came to their coworkers making comments that, while they spoke out against military rule, were quite accurate.

So accurate, that, after making sure that Breda and Havoc were not in critical condition, they took a nice, leisurely stroll in the park and had dinner together. Roy even earned himself one heck of a good-night kiss.

All in all, just a normal day for Roy Mustang and his subordinates.

A/N: Needless to say, these are not going to be serious at all, and are purely for my own enjoyment, if you enjoy them in any way, shape, or form, please REVIEW!