Ron the emo
To all you people who might get offended by this story please understand that I am just making fun of a stereotype, nothing more. I do not know many emos so I only know the stereotype please if you get offended stop reading NOW. Please…don't flame if its something along the lines of "OMG don't make fun of emos!" Now on with the story…
Ron sighed and put on his favourite "bleeding wrists" cd. It was time for some depressing lyrics to remind him how bad his life was.
Over the summer Ron had undergone an…uh…interesting transformation. His long, girlish hair was restyled, so his fringe came down so far he couldn't see and had to do exaggerated "hairflips" every five seconds to get it out of the way…just because he was emo like that. Then he dyed it black with blood red tips…just because he was emo like that.
Then he completely renovated his wardrobe. with his weekly "allowance" from the profits Fred and George had so generously decided to give he bought…
Ron Weasley's shopping list- don't touch or I'll fucking kill you
Tight black pants (x2)
White t-shirt (x2)
Black T shirt (x2)
Black sweaters (x2)
Shirts with depressing messages on them, to make everyone feel bad for me (x4) (I'm hardcore so deal with it,What else do you want I'm bleeding for you isn't that enough? I hope you choke on every word you said when you were screaming at me and, Ron's personal favourite, So emo…)
Scarves- to hide my pain…or something like that
Black Converse shoes
Fake eyelashes with red tips so I can look like that guy from AFI
Skirt- I mean…something black
Badge that says "I'm emo so give me a razor" then changes to "I'm emo so get the fuck out of my way"
Emo robes...there's gotta be something like that out there.
So far Ron had gotten everything off that list (even the badge) except the robes. He would have to get them at Diagon Alley along with the rest of his school books and emo apparell.
As the song reached its climax, with the lead singer screaming a load of mumbo jumo that no one could understand except…well nobody, Ron picked up his copy of "Emo for dummies" sat on his bed and started reading. He was up to the tenth chapter (slitting your wrists- up the road, not across the street). He was so proud that he had actually read ten chapters. Just as he turned his page a loud knock was heard at his door. The door swung open to reveal Ginny, aka "Gin-hor-ny" by the students (and teachers) Hogwarts…well actually everyone, even her parents.
"Ron! Turn this shit off or…I'll do something slutty!"
"NO! You're just like everyone else! No one understands me! Don't make me get my razors out!"
"Just turn it down!" She yelled and slammed the door. So Ron, who did not want Ginny to do something slutty, especially to him, turned the music off. He was hungry anyway. So he went downstairs to make a sandwich.
He left his room, in a very emo way, walked down the stairs, in a very emo way, and started to make an emo sandwich, in a very emo way, purposely cutting himself each time the knife passed over his hand. Then his mother walked in, in a very UNemo way.
"Hello…son?!!! What the frick did you do to your hair?"
"SHUTUP MUM! I'M SICK OF ALL THIS CRAP YOU SAY TO ME ALL THE TIME! I'M JUST MAKING A FUCKING SANDWICH SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!"
"Fine jeesh. Ever since you went to that emo exhibition you've been acting very…strange I just can't put my finger on it."
"Mum could you just leave me and my emo sandwich to be emo together?"
"Sure…" So she left, again, in a very unemo way. Ron finished cutting the words "I'm an emo sandwich" into the bread when he realized there was something missing. He went to the fridge and pulled out some tomato sauce, then squeezed it into the words. Perfect. Ron almost smiled, Then he quickly cut himself again to remind him of rule number one of "Emo for dummies": An emo is NEVER EVER happy.
Ron the emo, ate his craptastic emo sandwich – making sure to bite his tongue with every bite. He finished his last corner and made his way to the kitchen sink, flipping his hair 18 times in the 10 second journey. He filled the sink with soapy water and began to rinse his plate and knife. The soapy water's purpose was to help him blindly clean the utensil, hence making more cuts on his already savaged hand. Cutting his hand happily – no in a deeply depressed state, Gin-hor-ny came backing into the kitchen with a man supporting the muscles of a dumb extreme body builder – other words Arnold Schwarzenegger – making out fiercely.
Ron looked upon them with deep disgust and shriveled his nose. In the emoest voice he could muster, he drawled, "Can't you guys get in a room or something?! I'm playing with knives here!"
They continued their making out – but they had moved on top of the kitchen bench.
Ron tapped the guy's back; the guy turned around and shouted "Stop it! Get in the chopper!" Holy fiz nit! It was Arnold Schwarzenegger!! But it was no time for autographs now; Ron needed to release some pain from seeing his sister prepare to mate on the cooking bench. So, Ron pushed the knife off the table edge and let it drop to the floor, following with: "Opps … I. Will. Get. It."
So wadda ya think…
I started this story expecting flames to my oh so stereotypical and exaggerated story but please…constructive flames, let me keep my dignity. Tell me if I got any stereotypes or anything you know about emos would be a great help.
Please don't say things along the lines of "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU EMO HATING BITCH!!" For one thing, it's just rude, and for another thing I have no problem with emos, I like emos.
Remember, this is just a humorous (well I think it's humorous) parody it does not mean anything or reflect who I am…unless it's a talented writer :P