Part of a series of extremely smutty one shot that all interconnected. This time it's a rewrite of a season 8 episode, Zen style.

Yes, I know, I'm supposed to put up part three of New Resolution, but this has been bugging me for awhile now. Set during Leaving Home Ain't Easy, otherwise known as the episode where Fez dyes Jackie's hair green.

Lyrics are from the song In a Manner of Speaking by Tuxedomoon.


In a Manner of speaking
I just want to say
That I could never forget the way
You told me everything
By saying nothing

As soon as she comes out of the bathroom, his jaw drops. He's been sitting on the couch all this time, waiting to see what prank Fez has come up with, to see what comeuppance Jackie has in store, but all those thoughts go out the window when she screams and runs out of the bathroom.

Yes, there's a certain pleasure in seeing his ex humiliated but what's surprising to Hyde is that it's only a very small part of him that's actually getting any pleasure in this, because the rest of him is overwhelmed with the sensation that is Jackie Burkhart in a towel. Her olive skin is still wet; her face is flushed with anger as she argues with Fez over who rejected whom. The fact that her hair is green is apparently no concern for his body.

Keeping his eyes steady, Hyde looks over at Fez to gauge his expression, to see if he's having the same problem he is, but there's no indication on Fez's face of his 'needs' Hyde isn't going to think about what that means though. Instead he makes a remark about Fez crying every time Jackie rejected him.

He doesn't even know what they're saying anymore. He's watching her mouth move, but it's as though no words are coming out. All he can see is her, as if he's seeing her for the first time since they broke up. The year has been shitty for all of them, but for her most of all. She's lost her house, her boyfriend, her job, she lost everything she cared about most and the one thing she had left he had taken away from her. Because yes, it was Fez who put the green dye in the shower head, it was his idea. Hyde had told him to go for Jackie's looks.

"It's all she cares about."

At the time, he thought it was true. Jackie Burkhart cares only about her looks.

Because it's all she has left, dumbass.

"Now you're ugly on the outside just like you are on the inside!" It's Fez's words that bring Hyde back to the present. He sees Jackie straighten herself, as though standing up straight is going to make things easier. She looks over Fez's shoulder at him, and he knows that her next words are for him.

"Fine. I'll just go pack up my things and get out of here." She says stiffly. What Hyde hears is "How could you, Steven."

In a manner of speaking

I don't understand

How love in silence becomes reprimand

But the way that i feel about you

Is beyond words

It's after beer number five that he realizes that Fez is no longer talking about Jackie. In fact, Fez isn't talking at all. Instead he's staring at Hyde as though he's grown a second head.

This is when Hyde realizes that he's the one who has been babbling all this time. He quickly shuts his mouth, hoping that he hasn't said anything too revealing.

"Wow." Fez says softly. "I didn't know you felt so strongly about it."

It. He said it. That's a good thing, that could mean a number of things, like the government, or chili cheese fries.

"Yeah, well…" He trails off lamely.

Fez sighs and leans back on the couch. "You're right though, it wouldn't work out between me and Jackie anyway. She's too," He gestures, "And I'm too," He gestures again.

All hope that he hadn't been talking about Jackie is now gone.

"Yeah man." He can hear himself saying. "You and Jackie are a bad idea and I know you want to go to her but I can't let you. You know why man?"

"Why?" Fez asks.

Hyde leans in like he's telling a great big secret. "Cause I think I still love her." He laughs ironically. "Funny huh, considering how much I want to just strangle her. Well, either strangle or kiss her, I can never decide."

"I'll be right back." Fez says as he gets up slowly, as though Hyde has just said that he's going to jump off the nearest ten story building. Hyde knows he should feel bad for cock blocking his friend, but damn it, the rules don't apply when Jackie's concerned. They never have, they never will and when are people going to get it into their heads that she's his chick. Okay yes, he technically let her go, but that doesn't give her the right to move on and start dating other people. She's supposed to be miserable, like him.

Hyde drinks another beer and then puts his head in his hands. "I'm a dead man." When he hears no response from Fez, he looks up at his friend who is standing in the kitchen, hanging up the phone.

"Did you hear me, Fez; I said I'm a dead man."

"Yes, I heard you." Fez replies. "But look on the bright side."

"What bright side?" Hyde asks warily.

"At least after you tell Jackie everything you just told me, I won't have anything to worry about anymore because she's going to be too busy killing you!" Fez laughs manically. "Oh happy day."

Hyde glares at Fez and snarls. "I'm not telling Jackie anything."

"Why not?" Fez asks. "Right now, Jackie is out there, all alone, lost and terrified."

"Fez, she's probably in the basement."

"And she's thinking, why god, why do all my princes turn out to be frogs, why, oh why must these things happen to me?" Fez is weeping dramatically. "Oh god, poor Jackie, what have I done?"

"What you've done? Fez, I married another woman, I think that trumps green hair."

The two remain silent for a moment, both thinking about how badly they've screwed up. The door knocks a moment later and Fez gets up to answer it. Part of Hyde prays that it's pizza, but he knows it's not.

"Wow, you guys look like hell." Kelso's depressingly cheerful.

"You called him?" Hyde asks Fez.

Fez shrugs. "I figure he's had the most experience in disappointing Jackie."

Kelso laughs as he sits down on the couch and grabs a beer. "That's true." He pops the beer open and takes a drink. "Although I don't think anything's as bad as marrying a stripper, I mean come on!"

"I told you it was worse." Hyde slurs at Fez.

"Yes, yes, green hair is nothing compared to marrying a whore."

"You died her hair green?" Kelso gasps. "Oh, she's going to kill you."

Fez points at Hyde accusingly. "It was his idea!"

Kelso laughs. "I take it back; she's going to kill both of you!"

Hyde's only wish before he passes out is that he hopes she does it fast.

O give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
O give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

When he wakes up on Fez's couch, he quickly notices that both Kelso and Fez are gone. He hopes that Fez isn't doing anything stupid, like trying to take his girl away. Slowly, he gets up to make his way to the bathroom. Inside are all of Jackie's beauty products, her shampoo, conditioner, lotion. There's a bowl of potpourri on the counter, but he doesn't know if that's Jackie's doing or Fez's. It could be either one.

Hyde stands in front of the mirror and stares at himself for a good five minutes. He's not sure when it happened, but he doesn't feel like the man staring back at him. He's got his own record store now, a family that includes an actual biological father and a sister to go along with the makeshift family he's got going with the Formans, good friends. He's got almost everything, and yet all he sees when he looks at himself is the white trash loser his mother said he'd be. So with very little ceremony, he finds Fez's shaving cream and razor. After changing the blade, he shaves the mustache off, letting go of the old Hyde.

When he comes out of the bathroom Fez is sitting on the couch.

"Where'd you go?" Hyde asks, and then, "Where's Kelso?"

"I went to find Jackie." Fez answers solemnly. "She said she doesn't want to be with me."

"Oh." Hyde says. "That sucks." But it's good news for me, so yeah.

"She says I made her feel ugly, and that she didn't think I'd ever say anything like that."

Part of Hyde wants to ask if Jackie said anything about him, but he knows that she didn't, and that asking would just show how pathetic he is.

"Kelso's out with Donna and Randy."

Good. So long as he's not alone with Jackie. "So, she's alone?"

Fez nods and narrows his eyes. "Yes, I bet that makes you happy right? Jackie has no one now, she's all alone. Let's all point and laugh at the spoiled rich girl!"

"Do I look like I'm laughing?" Hyde asks.

In a manner of speaking
Semantics won't do
In this life that we live we live we only make do
And the way that we feel
Might have to be sacrified

When he arrives at the basement she's sitting on the couch, twirling her hair with her fingers.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, genuinely surprised to see him.

"I live here." Hyde says casually. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't ask questions you already know the answers to." Jackie snaps.

Okay, he concedes. She's got a point. He leans up against the doorway. "I would have thought you'd be at your hairdressers by now, getting it fixed."

"They're closed today." She says. "I'm going first thing tomorrow."

"It's really not that bad." He tells her, "I mean, I know it's not your usual style, but it's not, you know, horrible or anything, it's definitely not like Donna got that perm."

"She really did look like a poodle." Jackie smiles briefly before turning away.

He walks over to her and slowly sits next to her on the couch. He's sitting far from her though, to give both of them space. He remembers all the times Jackie's come to him for comfort. He's never been comfortable being that guy, but he's slowly come to realize that he's missed it. He's missed being her reluctant knight in shining armor.

"If it helps, Fez is really sorry."

She laughs bitterly. "Yes, he told me that."

"So um, don't you think you could maybe forgive him just this once?"

"It's not that easy." Jackie admits. "What he did, I don't know if it's forgivable."

"Sure it is." Hyde states. "He messed up, but he really does care about you. He's always cared about you." He moves a little closer to her so that their knees are touching. She's shaking her head sadly.

"I wish I could believe that." She's saying, "But the things he said, that he did. You have no idea how hard it was to hear that."

Hyde has known all along that they haven't been talking about Fez, but this just brings it home. He's been a grade A ass to her lately, and making up for it isn't going to be easy. It's not something she can wave off with just a flick of her wrist and a flip of her hair.

"What would you have him do?" Hyde can't help but ask.

Jackie looks him straight in the eye when she answers. "I'd have him strapped to a bed of hot coals while clowns screamed in his face, and then, after he was good and burnt, I'd have his charred flesh removed without any anesthetic."

"Clowns?" He cringes.

She nods once. "Clowns."

He has to hand it to her, she's creative. "Do you uh think there's anything he could do that wouldn't require a long hospital stay?"

Jackie blinks at him. "Nothing comes to mind."

She's close enough to touch, to grab and kiss and beg forgiveness into her lime colored hair. He removes his glasses and sets them down on the table. "Jackie."

"I don't know what I ever saw in him, you know." Jackie says after a long period of silence. "I guess I thought we'd balance each other out."

"I think you do." Hyde says, because it's true. They do balance each other out. She's the Yang to his Yin, (or is the other way around? He can never remember) the black to his white, the Page to his Plant, the Jim to his Beam. Okay so maybe the last two don't really work, but it doesn't make it any less true.

"He made me cry."

"I know."

"I never thought he'd make me cry."

He closes his eyes. "I know."

So in a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That just like you I should find a way
To tell you everything
By saying nothing.

Hyde pulls her to him so that she's on his lap. She isn't crying yet, but he can feel the tremors in her body. He puts his hands on her back in an attempt to share what little strength he has left with her. He wants to tell her everything, all of his secrets and insecurities, but instead he remains silent, hoping that the simple touch will tell her what words cannot.

"Steven." It comes out in a harsh whisper. "Don't do something you'll regret."

It's far too late for that bit of advice, so he continues to say nothing. He just keeps trailing her back lightly with his fingertips. She leans in to the touch and his response is to pull her closer. With the other hand he unzips her jacket and removes it before throwing it to the floor.

He kisses her shoulder, then the other. He tucks her hair behind her ear and kisses her temple, then places a soft kiss on her mouth.

They look into each other's eyes for a moment before they both lean in at the same time. The kiss lasts longer this time, a hesitant mingling of tongues that barely touch at first, but then the kiss deepens, and damn if it's not just as good if not better than any drug.

She pulls away and removes her shirt so that she's only wearing a light pink camisole. He only hopes that no one comes down into the basement, because it's been far too long since he's been inside her and if he doesn't get to do it soon he's going to explode.

"Steven?" She asks nervously. "Tell me this means something to you."

His answer is to remove his own shirt. "It does."

She reaches down and starts to undo his belt. "I won't be your rebound."

"You're not." He says it firmly, so that she believes it. "Jackie, I went crazy okay? I wasn't myself."

"Who were you then?" She looks up at him with curious eyes.

"I don't know, but I gotta tell you, I've been feeling horribly out of character."

She laughs at this and bends her head to kiss him again. "I know what you mean." She then stands up from his embrace. She puts out her hand to make sure he doesn't stand up as she removes her jeans and panties in one quick motion. Before he can even react, she's back on his lap, straddling his cock. The only thing he can do is kiss her again and hold her tight to him as she rides him on the couch, on their couch.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He moans. "So, so beautiful." He grips her hips, urging her to go faster. "Seeing you today in that towel, it made me want to fuck you right then and there."

She gasps at his words and he can feel her pussy quiver around his dick. Yeah, he still knows his girl and what gets her going.

"Remember that time I fucked you in Bob's shower? Remember how good that was baby?" She nods, her eyes closed with fierce concentration. His hands are now underneath her camisole, teasing her nipples. "Right there on the floor, pounding into you, making you scream out my name." She's so close, he can feel it.

"Or our first time." He continues. He puts his finger on her mouth which she instantly allows in, sucking on it as her orgasm washes over her. "You in that short skirt, riding me in the back of that movie theater." He removes his finger and replaces it with his tongue as his hits him. Damn if she's not the best fuck he's ever had.

She's the best everything he's ever had.

O give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
O give me the words
Give me the words
Give me the words

Finis.

A/N- Believe me, the bathroom scene will be written sooner or later. Reviews might help the process. Grin.