Rules for Living on Serenity

If you have a crazy psycho-genius sister, don't attempt to play mind games with her. You'll only get scared.

If you happen to be the crazy sister, mumble random tangents of thought any time a situation seems to be approaching normalcy.

If you're the licensed companion, try not to fall in love with Captain. If you can't help it, at least make sure he looks delicious in tight leather pants.

If you're after grabbing the attention of a cute doctor, get yourself shot. Sure-fire way to break the ice.

Should you happen to be the weapons junkie, be sure and name all of your favorite pieces. It takes killin' to a whole new fun level!

Always lock your door at night. If you don't, a crazy girl, a bored weapons fanatic, or a perverted assassin just might sneak on in and disturb your good night's rest.

If you decide to illegally transport your sibling in a large, suspicious box, don't make the situation worse and go check on her without the Captain's permission. And for heaven's sake, don't leave her naked!

Never, ever trust anyone who wears blue gloves along with a government-issue suit. First off, it's just bad taste, and secondly, they might try to torture and kill you.

If pieces of the ship should randomly start to fall off, never fear. That's been happenin' for years, and everything's still shiny.

Should the ship's life support system malfunction, don't worry about the lack of oxygen. You won't suffocate. You'll freeze to death first.

Be careful where you decide to have your romantic rendezvous. If you're in the engine room, any innocent bystander might walk in and be traumatized. Poor Captain.

Do not discuss your physical deprivation issues with the Captain, regardless of the prolonged nature of a lonely flight. He can't know stuff like that!

Should you encounter an all-you-can-eat buffet while planet-side, do not hesitate to take advantage of the opportunity. All the rest of the time, you'll be obliged to survive on the standard nutrients, though they do come in every color of the rainbow.

If you think you're not going to need grenades on a heist, bring 5.

If you should happen to lose a limb, don't hesitate to call on Doc for some emergency action. However, after he's done re-affixing the bit, don't fiddle with it. It might fall off again.