Not A Fairytale

Ichigo and Rukia were not soul mates. They did not complete each other. Mostly, they just annoyed each other. They were not two pieces of a puzzle that fit together. She was a sky piece with a bit of cloud, and he was a piece with grass and part of a leaf. Not only did they not fit together, but it often seemed as though they were from two completely different puzzles. Which hated each other.

Ichigo was not a gallant knight. He scowled, swore, and got his ass kicked by Rukia on a daily basis. If you ever found him speaking in prose, it was because he was drunk and Rukia had probably hit him on the head again. In his opinion, 'shining armor' was heavy and damn annoying, and hankerchiefs were for wiping your nose, not putting in a pocket above your heart and cherishing forever.

Rukia was not a beautiful princess. Actually, she was more like the devil's own nightmare. She didn't fawn, she hated it when other people fought for her, and would rather jump in the way of a sword that was about to hit a friend than scream and cry for someone to save her. Actually, she'd rather die than scream and cry for someone to save her. She liked rabbits, but she wasn't sure whether she wanted to have one for a pet or to see how one tasted with ketchup- they'd never had ketchup in Rukongai. Hey, she'd been starving to death. You ate what you could find. She was more likely to be found ooohing and aaaahing over a toaster than singing a pretty song and brushing her hair.

Their life was not a fairy tale. It involved blood, pain, fighting Hollows, crazy Modified Souls, random people popping through a hole in your ceiling, and a lot of people too perverted for their own good. These people were subsequently beaten to a pulp by Rukia, who did not like being grabbed, or by Ichigo, who did not like anyone even thinking about grabbing Rukia.

They did not proclaim vows of everlasting love. Usually they screamed in each other's faces. The screaming often consisted mostly of words like, "moron," "fool," and "idiot," and phrases such as, "I hate you," "I can't stand this midget," "how dare you call me a midget, you bastard," and "ouch, you bitch, you are going to break my arm."

Their favorite pastimes consisted of finding ways to taunt or harass each other, and if either of them talked about their feelings- oh, the horror of mortification- the other would probably laugh in their face and make fun of them for a week.

But that was all right.

The last thing they ever wanted from each other was kindness or sympathy- that was annoying, and got in the way.

They didn't want a fairytale.

What they did want was to know why the hell they had had to fall in love with this freak of nature.

If they ever voiced that, however, it would probably lead to a game of find-Ichigo's-head-under-the-wastebasket.