A/N: Sadly, I don't own anyone, even as much as I would LOVE to own Alex Shelley. Y'know...for my own...special...reasons...Haha Theme song for this story is "Pain" by Three Days Grace, I think you all will know who sings what part pretty much... A runner-up theme song for it is "Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace also... haha. But uhh, if I don't update for a while, don't kill me. I already promised updates for my other stories forever ago and I have major writer's block for them. Hope you all like it!
Summary : Think about how you would feel if you were in his shoes. To constantly turn your back on the people you called friends. To constantly stand on the side lines and let people lose their respect for you. When Chris Sabin discovers something truely life-changing about Alex Shelley, he tries to help him out as best he can.
Alex Shelley closed his dark eyes as he felt the cool wind rush past him, waving his hair about only slightly. He clutched the cold stone railing of the balcony on Jeff Jarrett's second-story mansion. He honestly didn't know why he came. It wasn't like anyone wanted him here, besides Kevin and Austin that was. Jeff had only invited him because he was close to Kevin and it was pretty much the only way Kevin would come. Alex breathed out as he opened his eyes and leaned more on the railing. He stared down at the bright lights emitting from the houses and cars below. Loud music came from inside the mansion and people were all dancing and partying like drunken idiots. He really didn't know why Jeff bothered the throw a wild party, seeing as he didn't accomplish anything knew. It was probably just some random party for pure fun, like most people did now-a-days.
At hearing a noise, Alex's head whipped over to the glass doors that lead out to the balcony. He sighed at only seeing Jackie Gayda there. She barely even sent him a passing glance as she walked to the other side of the balcony and leaned over it. Alex watched her for a few minutes from beneath his hair. She nervously shifted from one foot to the other and stretched her arms out onto the railing, staring down at the low ground. At realizing she would never look back, Alex turned back to his own view. It wasn't like he was expecting someone like her to talk to him or anything. She probably had her own problems to tend to and plus, she was one of those classy girls. You know, the ones who don't even want to brush shoulders with you or cast their shadows on you.
He squeezed his eyes shut at feeling another cool wind breeze past him, whipping his hair around within itself. He felt goose bumps form on his bare arms but ignored them. He personally didn't care about them, he didn't even feel that cold. The wind rushed past him once more, this time a bit more stronger and causing his black t-shirt to lift only slightly and flow about his waist. He dug his black nail-polished nails as hard as he could into the stone underneath his palms and leaned his knee against the railing. His blue jeans barely moved, despite the wind coming on again. His wrists began to sweat at being covered by black wrist bands, but he didn't care.
"Cold night." A voice intruded into his so-called pleasure. Alex turned slightly, sort-of expecting to see Jackie actually talking to him. Instead, he found Chris Sabin leaning against the railing beside Jackie, his head bent slightly so that his newly semi-long hair covered his eyes, his arms crossed stiffly over his chest, and one foot leaned up against the railing. From his spot so far away, Alex could barely hear Jackie's soft giggle. Chris smirked at the young woman and turned his head slightly towards her. He whipped his head up quickly so that his hair flipped back and out of his face. Jackie turned to him and crossed her arms lightly over her stomach, holding her upper arms as if to warm them. "Jacket?" Chris offered her his black leather jacket that he willingly slid off of his warm body. Jackie smiled, thankful.
"Thanks." She whispered as he draped it over her shoulders. He grinned down at her. She only pulled the jacket closer to herself, trying to keep warm, though it was a hard task, seeing as she was wearing one of her best jean mini-skirts, black high heels that wrapped up her ankles, and a pink tube top that showed off her stomach. Alex rolled his eyes at the scene. He couldn't believe he had actually thought that someone wanted to talk to him. He probably needed some sleep was all. Shaking his head, he pushed himself away from the railing, deciding to call it a night. Austin and Kevin would probably find out sooner or later that he left, plus if they were actually true friends, they'd be out here with him and not in there getting wasted. He headed towards the doors, watching Chris and Jackie. The blonde woman didn't notice him leave, but Chris watched him, his face not at all welcoming. Alex shuddered the himself but continued on, picking up the pace a little before Chris would get the idea, or chance, to jump him.
"Hey, where the hell were you, man?" A voice thundered, thick with a mix of confusion and anger. Alex peeked up from his spot on the twin bed inside his hotel room. He swallowed nervously and pushed his hair from his eyes. Kevin stood there, an odd sway to him as he tried to look as menacing as he could, but he was obviously failing due to the amount of alcohol he had taken in. Austin was currently passed out, drunk, on the couch. Alex hadn't seen him come in. "Why'd ya leave? The party was just getting good."
"No one wanted me there, besides you two and you guys were too busy becoming intoxicated to care, or notice." Alex explained rationally as he stared at his nails. Kevin raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, you know how they all are to me. The only reason I was invited because Jeff wants to stay on your good side." He continued, anger coming into his voice at the thought. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to relax. Kevin rolled his eyes.
"Man, you know that people wanted you there." He waved his much younger friend off before collapsing onto the other twin bed. He closed his eyes and rested his palm over his eyes. Alex studied Kevin for a while before huffing and standing up. Austin continued to soundly sleep on the couch, not once making a peep.
"Yeah, maybe for Pin The Knife On The Jackass or to be the piñata." Alex snapped harshly, "Everyone hates me, and I'm fine with that, so you don't have to pretend to not notice it." He clenched his fists and headed to the bathroom. Kevin groaned and rubbed his temples.
"Alex," He shook his head slowly, sitting up. He opened his eyes and returned both of his hands to his side, opening his mouth to say something, only to realize Alex was already in the bathroom. He fell back onto the bed, giving up in frustration. He couldn't think straight in the first place and he could feel a headache coming on from trying to even straighten out his thoughts. Deciding to wait until the morning to question Alex, he climbed under the blankets and closed his eyes, letting his mind drift away.
Alex leaned up against the bathroom door, blinking furiously. He let his head lean back against the white wooden door, closing his eyes before they could spill over with tears. Clenching his fists, he punched the door behind him. This wasn't fair. He wasn't supposed to be feeling like this. He wasn't supposed to be treated like this. Opening his eyes, he looked at the mirror, staring at his reflection. He felt empty and used up. He walked over to the counter in front of the mirror and rested his hands on the cold marble.
He closed his eyes for another minute before opening them and looking down at his hands. He lifted them off of the counter and studied the black wristband that currently warmed his wrist. Frustrated tears coming to his eyes, he tugged at the wristband and tossed it thoughtlessly onto counter. He glared at the scratch on his wrist. It seemed to be healing along fine, seeing as it only formed yesterday. He dropped down to his knees and threw open the cabinets, eyes frantically looking for something. He shoved aside the piles of hair products he had already stuffed in there. His eyes lit up at spotting it. Ever so slowly, he reached in and picked it up by it's handle. Thankfully Kevin and Austin hadn't found it, seeing as Alex had literally tossed it in there after they tried knocking the door down to get inside so Austin could get ready for his big one-night stand with some random whore.
Alex drew a shaky breath as he held the object in his hand, studying it carefully. Standing up and not once letting his eyes leave it, he traced the tip with his forefinger. He quickly stole a glance at the door, hoping Kevin and Austin were sleeping, or doing something to occupy their attention for a bit. Looking back to the object, he pushed his hair out of his eyes. Finally feeling as comfortable as possible in this situation, he turned over his hand and stared at the lonely scratch that stared up at him. He stared back at it through blurry tears as he lowered the sharp object down to the space beneath the scratch. At feeling the cold, pointy teeth of the knife touch his delicate skin, he winced. Taking in a deep breath, he closed his eyes and applied more pressure until it pierced his skin. He almost let out a yelp, but it got caught in his throat.
He dropped the knife onto the counter and stared at the new wound. Blood spilled out of it and it stung, but it was only a small price to pay to feel somewhat better. He sucked in his air, trying to ignore the pain, but it was impossible. He moaned, wrapping his fingers around his wrist to try and cut off the stinging. It was working thankfully. He opened his eyes as the pain drifted away and stared at his reflection. Tears spilled over his eyes and onto his cheeks. Alex couldn't even decide if they were tears of pain emotionally or physically. He let himself fall against the counter as sobs escaped his body. How could he have fallen so far? Only about a year ago he was on top of the world. Being considered a serious competitor, having the best friends ever, everything! Now it was all falling apart with the return of Kevin. He let out another sob as tears raced down his cheeks and onto the countertop.
He shouldn't be crying. Hadn't he promised himself he wouldn't care about anyone? What happened to that? Shaking his head, he held back another sob and reluctantly let go of his wrist. Shakily, he pushed his hair out of his eyes again and stared at the scratch. Now the other one didn't look so lonely. He sighed deeply and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as his lip trembled. He squeezed his eyes shut. No. He wasn't going to break down anymore. Never again would he fall victim to his own emotions. Emotions, like people, sucked. As the moment of almost-breakdown passed, he opened his eyes. He blinked perusively at his own reflection. His eyes were red and his cheeks were tear stained. He bit down on his lip and nearly jumped at the knock on the door. Quickly grabbing the knife and throwing it back to it's original hiding spot, he unlocked the door and opened it, hoping whoever was there wouldn't notice his tear stains or red eyes.
"What the hell are you still doing up?" Austin mumbled tiredly as he rubbed his own red eyes, but they were due to lack of sleep, not crying. Alex gave a tiny shrug and watched Austin look him over. "You okay...?" Austin blinked and walked into the bathroom, continuing to look over Alex. The Michigan native quickly hid his wrist at realizing Austin could spot it. Remembering his wristband he whipped around and spotted it, snatching it before Austin could even blink again.
"I'm fine. If it's okay with you, I'm gonna head to bed." Alex lied as he slid his wristband back onto his wrist, slightly cringing as it swept over the new, still bleeding, scratch. He should have really wiped it off with a tissue or something earlier. Austin nodded his head and for once, Alex realized, the man's earrings weren't happily bouncing up and down. They weren't even on his ears for a change. Alex didn't put much thought into it though. He just simply headed out of the bathroom and towards his bed, no intentions of sleeping. He wouldn't be able to sleep, not after what he had just done. He needed time to think, time to wonder about how the hell he was going to control his all-time high emotions. Instead, at the last moment before walking into the bed, he turned and walked towards the sliding glass doors. Opening the curtains, he let the moon shine onto the ground.
Without glancing behind him, he unlocked the door and opened it, letting himself seem to glide outside. He closed the door behind him and walked to one of the two chairs seated there. He curled up into a ball and stared out past the railing, watching cars pass by underneath. It was shockingly quiet, but he didn't mind. He seriously wanted quiet, it was what he needed. As he watched the cars drive by, he felt his eyelids get heavy. Deciding to just close them for a minute or two, he began to drift off. Thoughts of everything he had planned to think about faded away as he fell deeper and deeper into sleep, his hair falling into his eyes and the pain from his scratch still stinging, but going away.
A/N: First chapter down! Yay! Hopefully you liked reading it and hopefully you'll be kind enough to review!...Please?