(The first day of school...)

The last few days for Edward and I were great. We stayed up all night together almost everyday last week. To prepare for school, because I would have to go to sleep on time every night when school started. It was like the best sleep over ever! Emmet, Alice, and Rosalie even came one night. Jasper didn't come because he wasn't sure that he would be able to be that close to me for so long. Because he couldn't stay the night too, Alice didn't stay for very long. We had lots of fun anyway. We played fun card games like speed, which I lost because I wasn't fast enough. Edward even taught me how to play poker, but I lost that too. I still had a great time though. We also played gestures, which is just like charades but faster. Edward of course won, with his mind reading and all.

"CHEATER"!!! we all chanted at the same time, as we counted the scores and realized that Edward was winning. He swore that he stayed out of everyones head, but he had a mischievous glimmer in his eyes that tipped me off that he was lying.

Anyway, back to the present, today is the first day of school. I didn't have my look-a-like a Greek god to wake me up this morning though. He and his family had gone hunting in preparation for the first day, wouldn't want them to attack any Forks high students now would we?

I missed him, but he promised to be here to drive me to school. I got up and got ready, showering, brushing my hair and teeth. I got dressed in a simple red sweater and jeans, I decided it would be better not to dress in black anymore, because I was finally getting over Alexander.

Although I still wore his ring, a symbol of his love, I did love Edward and I was still trying to let go. I wasn't sure if I would ever take off the ring but I did know that I would always love Edward. Looking at the ring did make me feel bad, like I was somehow cheating on Edward, not giving him all of me, my complete heart. Like some part of me still belonged to Alexander and it was my choice to get it back or not and I was doing nothing about it. But I was trying and Edward never asked any more of me. And for that I was very grateful.

When I was finished getting ready, I went down stairs to get some food. Right at my kitchen table was my look-a-like a Greek god, Edward. He came over and kissed me softly on the lips, and I wrapped my arms slowly around his neck. I felt him stiffen and I let go. I knew it was hard for him to be this close, with my good smelling blood and all.

"Good morning" he said sweetly.

"Hi" was all I could say back. I was way too lost in his eyes to carry on a conversation.

I got some cereal and when I finished washing out the bowl he asked

"Are you nearly ready to leave my darling?" smiling that crooked smile that I loved so much. I simply nodded and followed him out of the door.

We rode to school in a comfortable silence, listening to soft music. Edward hummed along with the songs that I had never heard but liked instantly. They were beautiful. No lyrics, just soft melodies. My curiosity was eating away at me and I just had to ask

"who's music is this? I love it" Edward smiled brightly and I understood then

"you wrote this?" I asked. He nodded and said

"glad you like it, I wrote them for you" I blushed, and whispered an embarrassed

"thank you" he just smiled at my reaction. He truly was amazing, writing me music, and it was so beautiful too.

we pulled into the school parking lot, and I noticed right away a little green Honda civic parked in the far corner of the parking lot, away from other students. It couldn't be could it? I thought to myself. That was the same car Alexander drove. But he couldn't have found me. No. It wasn't possible. I vaguely realized that the car had come to a stop.

I looked around the parking lot, but I didn't see him, that helped, a little.

"Bella?" Edward called me out of my thoughts "what's wrong?" he asked concerned. I knew he could hear my elevated heart rate. And I hadn't realized before but I was trembling also, which he could see and most likely feel. I couldn't speak. What was I to say. That could be my ex boyfriends car right there but maybe not, and if it isn't I'm acting like this for no reason. Yeah. He would think that I'm insane, which, with all that's happened, I probably should be.

"It's nothing" I said quickly and got out of the car. I knew he didn't believe me but he didn't press for more information.

He and I walked up to the office together, receiving surprised stares from boys and jealous glares from girls.

" they are surprised to see me with you, I've never even looked at anyone but members of my family" he said lowly, chuckling. My guess is, all the girls that were glaring had wanted to be with him, and here I was, the new girl, with the fabulous Edward Cullen.

We got our schedules and school maps, we had almost all periods together, all but lunch. The fabulous Edward Cullen couldn't swing that one.

The first few periods went without incident, Edward and I would walk in and sit down together, all eyes on us, me blushing the whole way, and Edward acting as if he didn't notice. Nothing really happen, no Alexander, thank goodness.

When lunch came around, I really didn't want to go by myself but he promised that Emmet would be there shortly. He walked me to the cafeteria and kissed me saying that he would see me at my second period after lunch.

I walked into the cafeteria and found an empty table near the door. I wasn't hungry so I didn't bother getting food. Edward always tells me I should eat because I'm eating for two, but if I'm not hungry then the baby isn't hungry either, I reasoned, which may or may not be true.

I decided I would just wait for Emmet, having lunch with him would be fun, lucky me that I wasn't eating because with Emmet, I'd laugh so hard that I would probably choke on my food. He is so funny, I can still remember the night we went to the movies, I laughed so hard that my stomach was hurting the entire night, yeah, he would definitely make me choke.

After a few minutes of waiting for Emmet to show up, I felt a presence behind me, ok maybe it was just the fact that the person was breathing on the back of my neck. I figured it was Emmet being silly. I had every intension of turning around and pushing him off of me and onto the floor. But when I put my hands on the figures shoulders and looked up it wasn't Emmet, it was no other than Alexander Nyx. (A/n: so wanted to end it right here)

"You haven't seen me in so long, that you can't keep your hands off of me huh" he said in, given any other situation, would have been a seductive tone. I removed my hands quickly and looked at him in shock. How did he find me?

I wanted to get up and leave but I couldn't even go anywhere I was stuck between him and the table. I wanted to scream, yell, hit him, something for what he did to me. But unfortunately I was frozen in my spot. I felt like I couldn't breath. I took a deep breath, so I would no longer feel like I was suffocating.

"After all this time, I still leave you breath-less don't I?" he teased, smirking. I felt like spitting on him. I was so angry. So why couldn't I move? Was it because secretly I wanted to be there? No! I yelled at myself. No way would I want to be stuck here with him. He absolutely disgusted me. He tried to reach out his hand and touch my face, but I blocked his hand with my are, and hissed with as much anger as I could manage

"don't put your filthy hands on me" he looked hurt and surprised, his face mirrored his face from that night. I have to admit, it frightened me.

Then suddenly His eyes softened.

"Why are you upset sweety?" he asked, in the sweetest tone I had ever heard him use. That only angered me more, he didn't comfort me as I'm sure he was expecting. I looked at him in disbelief for a moment. He looked honestly confused as to why I was so mad at him.

"You came into my room, and raped me, how do you expect me to be?"I whispered through tears I couldn't have been happier that we were at the far table across the room. He look surprised again, and I didn't know why. Why was he acting like this, like he didn't remember or something.

"Are you referring to the night we made love?" he asked, sounding hurt. How could he call it that. I didn't want it, only he did, and he took advantage of me.

"Made love" I whispered, mocking him harshly. "How could you call what you did to me love?" I questioned. " love had nothing to do with what you did to me, are you crazy?" I asked, my voice rising a little.

The evil glint he had when I had first turned around was back. Something told me that the sweet and innocent act that had just taken place was over. I wasn't sure what to expect.

"It may have started out with just me wanting it, but you know that after I started you wanted it too" he said. How could he say that, did he actually believe that I wanted him to do that to me. I was speechless, what do you say after something like that? He took my shocked silence completely wrong.

"No argument huh? Is that because you know that I'm right?" he raised his eyebrows suggestibly. I still couldn't talk, so I just shook my head. He decided to continue taunting me with his false accusations

"Once I began to make love to you" he started. I began to protest but he cut me off. "You whispered in my ear 'don't stop' did you not?" he was taking that so the wrong way. I was asking him to stop, not to rape me. But he didn't give me time to explain myself.

"And did you not begin to shiver, yes you did, your body convulsed with the fulfillment of pleasure didn't it?" I wanted to scream at him 'I WAS SHAKING IN FEAR YOU BASTARD' but again, he did not give me the chance to speak. He continued with his lies, while I sat there helpless stuck between the table and Alexander.

"Oh, and lets not forget, you fought me, but once I entered you, you loosened up. You lied there and let me touch you, why, because you liked it. You realized how good it felt and you didn't want anything more than me at that moment." jerk! That was so not it. I was giving up! Didn't het get it?

"No, your wrong you bastard, I hope you go to hell" I said, getting ready to slap him in the face. Someone's hand caught mine, I looked up to find Edward and Emmet. Edward was the one who caught my hand.

"Bella don't, it isn't his fault, he's sick" Edward said looking at me apologetically. I didn't understand at first, I thought Edward meant sick like when your referring to any rapist or someone like that. But I soon realized that he meant medically sick because all of the sudden Alexander began to convulse violently. He was having a seizure I realized when Edward let go of me and ran to help him. Edward was just fast enough and caught him before he hit the ground. Emmet just as fast was calling 9-1-1 for help.

I drove to the hospital with Edward. Even his shinny Volvo couldn't get there fast enough. I wanted to make sure Alexander was ok. And I regretted saying what I said to him. I didn't wish hell upon him. I was only angry.

"What is wrong with him?" I asked Edward afraid of what the answer would be.

"I'm not sure yet. We'll have Carlisle run some test. The only thing I can tell you is that it's a mental illness, judging by his thoughts, because they were too jumbled to make out." I nodded and we stayed silent the rest of the way there.

Edward, Alice, Emmet, Rosalie, and even Jasper were there in the waiting room with me. It felt like forever but it must have only been about an hour when Carlisle came out with a diagnosis.

"He has multi infarct dementia" Carlisle began. I was confused. I understood the word dementia.

"He' gone crazy" I stated. Carlisle just nodded.

I learned later that multi infarct dementia is caused my multiple strokes and effects behavior and mood. The strokes are what caused the seizure too.

"When can I see him" I asked.

"You can see him right now if you'd like, but he isn't awake" I nodded and looked at Edward. I didn't want him to feel like I was leaving him for Alexander.

"Its alright I understand, ill be here waiting for you" Edward said with understanding. And he kissed me softly on my cheek.

I walked to Alexanders room with Carlisle. He told me that it wasn't caught in time, and unless a miracle occurred he wouldn't make it through the week. That brought tears to my eyes. I may not be in love with him but what we had was real and he was still a person who didn't deserve to die if what he did was caused by an illness that he couldn't help. I sat by his bed side and took his hand in mine. I knew that he was really sick then, because he was really cold. He was never as warm as a human but he did generate some heat. But now he felt like ice. It made me shiver.

For three days I sat beside Alexander, his hand in mine, wishing that he would be alright. Not that I wanted to be with him or anything like that but I wanted him to live. After all he was my first love, and the father of my child. And on top of that he was way too young to die. Only seventeen. I sighed. I prayed that he would at least wake up, so I could talk to him one last time.

He finally did wake up on day 4. I was in my usually spot, praying that he would be ok. He opened his eyes, and they were just like before all this happen. The loving adoring eyes that I had fallen in love with. Not clouded over with evil or anything else. All I saw was love and a hint of sadness, maybe remorse? He started to speak

"Isabella, say that you'll forgive me, I wanted to be perfect for you but I failed" I couldn't stop the tears. That statement hurt me so much.

"Im not angry with you Alexander" I was before but I couldn't blame him, it wasn't his fault. He was sick. He wanted to be perfect but perfection is something that possibly can never be reached.

"Say you'll forgive me" he whispered again.

"I forgive you" I said. As soon as the words left my mouth, his heart rate monitor went flat. He died. Just like that. It was over. He was gone.

(Next week)

I didn't go to the funeral. I knew I couldn't handle it. I would lose it. But I couldn't stop myself from visiting his grave the next day. Edward drove me to the cemetery. He was buried in forks. I was confused as to why his mother didn't bury him in Seattle. I found at later that he requested to be buried where ever I was. That hurt a lot.

I looked down at his grave. It stated a bible verse 'the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want, and the words 'loving son, devoted friend' and his name 'Alexander nyx'.

This was my final goodbye, I knew that I would never return to this spot, for that would be like returning to the past, opening up old wounds. So to say goodbye properly, I removed the ring he had given me and laid it lightly on the top of his head stone. 'Goodbye' I whispered. It hurt but I knew that I should be grateful for the happiness he gave me for a time, close that chapter of my life, and move on, which is exactly what I did, with Edward firmly at my side. If perfection is something that can never be reached I must say, having Edward was pretty damn close.

...he had caused me to loose my self, but finding you helped find me

...I now understand why I went through all that, because you were my true destiny

...although it still hurts sometimes, you know how to make the pain go away

...with your soft kisses, tender touch, and the sweet things that you say

...I'll love you for eternity, you will forever be mine

...and in return I'll belong to you 'till the end of time

...I care for you so deeply, I'm not sure you can every fully know

...just the very thought of you can warm my heart and chill my soul


yay 4 me..i finished it