Satay: Alright. We have chapter nine of Ask The Lesser Known Z Fighters. How exciting! I'm a terrible, terrible, terrible person. Don't hurt me, please. I've been intensely busy these past…12 months… With school and exams and life and college applications and interviews and more exams and meeting up with old friends and soon with turning 18 :D:D:D (happy)
Piccolo: Kill me.
Satay: No. Now, sit quiet and we'll listen to question one (Don't be too outraged, Tien):
Krillin Fan asks:
As I said, it's a fact that will be debated, but Krillin IS stronger than Tien. Sorry, but it's true. I mean, he managed to maintain superiority over Yamcha, yet when he and Yamcha were training with King Kai, Yamcha actually managed to flick Olibu away with no trouble, and Olibu even gave Pikon trouble. Pikon being as strong as Cell was, and following the line of reason, Krillin was about as strong as Dabura by the end of DBZ. True story! Besides, Tien quit actively fighting during the Cell games, remember? He technically retired first.
Well, personal preferences aside, I do have a question for Dende that I forgot to ask: What was it like being entrusted as Guardian of the earth at such a young age?
And one for both our Namekian friends: As far as your... uh, 'egg burping' goes, do you have to reach a certain age for that to work? You know, like humans go through puberty before they can reproduce? And is it as awkward for you as it is for us?
And a statement about King Vegeta: in all actuality, he didn't give his sone to Frieza; Frieza stole him, and the King actually tried to get him back.
And one for Krillin: Much as I like the dude, what the heck was up with the 'stache? I think the only one scarier was Vegeta's! Well, on to my question: How did 18 react to the nightmares he used to get from what Frieza did to him? And when she found out how he was treated back at the temple?
Satay: Uh…not good…
Tien: (in a dangerously quiet voice) I said that I retired after the Cell games. Chiaotzu had the sense to talk me out of it. If I hadn't, then how the hell would I have been able to stop Buu from killing Dende and Hercule? Give him a card? Hmm??
Chiaotzu: (nervous giggle) Calm down, Tien.
Krillin: For once, I'm not going to say anything.
Tien: Smart move, little man.
Satay: I have one thing to say, and that is that the stronger of the two of them is simply a matter of personal preference. Much as I love Krillin, I love Tien more. Thus he is the stronger in my eyes. Also, he's bigger. In my experience bigger stronger. For an example, Goku and Vegeta. Which is the bigger, and which is the stronger?
King Vegeta: My son?
Satay: No. Bad Vegeta. (smacks him)
King Vegeta: Ow…
Satay: Oh, also, I actually agree a little: Krillin is the strongest human fighter.
Tien: … WHAT!? I thought you were on my side!!
Satay: I am! But…uh…you're…not human…
Tien: (shocked silence)
Chiaotzu: He's not what now?
Everyone else: (stares at Tien)
Satay: Oh yeah, recent revelations… You're an alien… Surprised?
Tien: (shocked silence) Yeah… A little… Not human, huh? (looks at Krillin) I'm still stronger than you, shorty.
Krillin: Don't call me shorty! (pout)
Dende: It was terribly frighting, thrillingly exhilarating and ego-boosting. After all, they picked me, the little Namek from one of the villages, rather than one of the village elders. It was brilliant (grins)
Piccolo: The…uh…'egg-burping' thing does happen after a short period of 'adolescence'. For normal Nameks, such as Dende or the other Nameks on the new planet, this period lasts approximately three years and is shown by a rather large growth spurt and developments of the powers which they have. If Guru hadn't unlocked Dende's power to heal, it would have been developed in that time. In abnormal Nameks, like me. this period lasts two months. I shot up from Krillin's height to mine in two months. (smirks at Krillin) Jealous?
Satay: Hell yes!
Satay: It's not fair! Damn all tall people!!
Tien: Even me?
Satay: Especially you!
Everyone but Satay: O.o"
Satay: I wanna be tall… (sniffle)
Piccolo: Uh…anyway… It's not really very awkward. You feel really uncomfortable but that's about it. We don't get skin blemishes like you do. Nor do we have that ridiculous 'sexual tension' thing people keep bugging me about.
King Vegeta: This is true…but I didn't really try very hard .
Krillin: What about my 'stache? Anyway, she was very comforting. Very, very comforting. And with the temple, well, she kinda went there with me and made a big fuss over me and ended it all with a huge kiss in the middle of the dojo. Those guys freaked out. (laughs)
Tien: Uh… I think she's lost it…again…
Satay: No, I'm fine. (envious glance at the tall members of the room…excluding Yamcha) Alright, onto question two:
Heh, hey, Krillin! Why don't you tell yam-brain over there exactly how many times you and Bulma got it on up there on the big green planet? Not to mention the things she did to you, and vice verse! Wow, I'm sure Gohan got an earful up there! Poor kid.
Speaking of which, how about the time Gohan and Videl caught you and 18 'doin' your business' in the dressing rooms at the mall? I heard you two got pretty dirty there!
Piccolo and Dende: Do you guys ever go to the bathroom?
Yamcha: Did you know Maron had at least five STDs? Good thing she caught 'em after baldie did his thang, eh. How sad for you, though.
Tien: Do you ever get eyelashes in your third eye? Or does it have lashes?
Krillin: Got it on? No! We didn't! I swear! Eh-heh… We just kissed and stuff, I swear to Dende, Yamcha, I didn't do the nasty with your girlfriend!
Yamcha: Yeah, just like I didn't do it with yours! Come off it, Krillin, and tell me exactly what she said about me!
Krillin: She said you were a freak, but we didn't have sex! Swear!
Satay: What about Gohan and Videl catching you in the dressing room?
Krillin: (turns bright red) That was only once.
Tien: O.O Whose idea was it?
Tien: What? I want to know!
Krillin: (mumbled) …mine…
Satay: Ew... Let's just move on, alright? Okay? Is everyone fine with that?
Everyone but Krillin: (nods)
Dende: Piccolo explained that in chapter…uh…I can't remember…
Satay: Yeah, it was a long time ago, ay?
Yamcha: I was wondering where I got that! Ew… I had to have so many creams.
Everyone else: O.o"
Yamcha: So many creams…
Satay: MOVING ON!
Tien: Lashes? As in eyelashes? I don't even get them in my two 'normal' eyes. I've got good eyelashes; they stay where they belong (grins smugly)
Satay: Well that was a marvellously unsatisfying answer. Let's go onto question three:
The Ultimate Saiyan asks:
Piccola:Hmph!(Takes away Flying Ability and turns into woman)
Krillin:(Puts in unbreakable Love spell making him lust for Piccola)
Yamcha:BACK TO THE BASICS FOR YOU!(Hits in nuts with gigantic mannequin)
King Veg-Man:DIE!(Throws a football That hits him square in the nuts)
Dende:Don't worry.The Fangirls are gonna be swarming over you like bees and your covered in Honey.
Piccolo: Hah! I have this awesome shield! So I'm not a woman!
Krillin: Why are you so cruel? (starts chasing Piccolo)
Piccolo: Oh son-of-a-!
Piccolo: Well then stop him!
(Krillin continues to chase Piccolo around in a circle)
Piccolo: (jumps first onto Yamcha's head and then onto the fan) Hands off, baka!
Krillin: But, sweetie darling! Come down! Please!
Piccolo: No chance!
King Vegeta: (falls down and screams in agony)
Satay: My ears hurt.
Tien: Me too.
Chiaotzu: Me three.
Satay: Wow, it must suck to be a Namek right now.
Piccolo: (almost falls off the fan because he's holding onto his ears)
Krillin: Yes! Come on down, sweetness!
Piccolo: Ah! Do I be deafened or be raped by creepy short man?! WHY!?
Dende: (hands over ears) What?
Satay: (points at King Vegeta) Shut him up and put Krillin in a cage or something!
Dende: Kay! (points at King Vegeta)
King Vegeta: (continues to scream but with no sound)
Dende: (points at Krillin)
Krillin: (in a cage) Huh?
Satay: That's it! Dende, is there anything you can do?
Dende: Uh… (points at Krillin)
Krillin: (a little bracelet appears on his wrist)
Piccolo: That's it?! (jumps back down to the ground) What's that going to do?
Dende: It prevents any other love or lust spells being put on him.
Dende: However, it doesn't break the one that was just put on. We're gonna have to wait until that wears off.
Krillin: Come here, babe!
Piccolo: Ew… (inches away)
Dende: That's good…I think… (turns to Satay) Is it good?
Satay: Only if you want to end up like Piccolo. Except, nicer…
Piccolo: Hey! I can be nice!
Satay: Sure… Anyway, we'll do question four:
Krillin: O.O! OMG! You finally got hair! WOOT! Praise the lord! (Face turns bored) And now im tired...
Chout-zu: But you did audition for a part in pokemon...remember...Mr. Mime...
Tien: You scare me...O.O
Yamcha: Two timing cheating ! I spit on you! (Spits on him)
Piccolo: There is something i've been meaning to ask...it's true that you don't eat right...then how ocme in the android saga when you were training with goku and gohan, they catch a fish for dinner and then you say "Ugh, fish again? thats the fifth time this week", or something like that...do you? or do you not eat?
Dende: (Sarcastic) Oh im sorry i offended the god (Bows down still sarcastically)...your such an idiot d'you know that...(Hint:
Krillin: Yay! Can you get me out of this cage?
Satay: Do you still want to get into Piccolo's pants?
Satay: Then no.
Chiaotzu: No I didn't. Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Satay: You're so much cuter than Mr Mime too. Aww…
Tien: I scare a lot of people (grins)
Yamcha: (still fainted)
Satay: I'll wipe that up… (gets a tissue)
Piccolo: Because we can eat fish. I just prefer not to. Fish is low density enough to be digested and excreted through sweat, as well as fluids. Also, I don't like the smell of fish. It's gross.
Satay: Hear, hear!
Dende: (sarcastically) Well, I'm glad you've seen the light.
Satay: I'm not even going to say it. When was the last time any of you were nice?
Chiaotzu: Can't remember…
Satay: Exactly. (sigh) Oh well. Be mean then, it's no skin off my nose. As such, we'll go to question five:
Kingy: (bashes on the head REALLY hard more then Infinity times) KAMI, I missed doing that!
Yammy-bitch: (makes fuck Kingy) MUHAHAHAHAHA! (watches) OMG COVER YOUR EYES! AH!
Dende: (gives a Wii and 20 games) eh, i couln't think of anything...
Chiaotzu: Do u like ice pops?
Piccy: BOOZE MAN! lol heres more booze. (makes into a frieza fangirl) HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tien: (brings in fangirls) U better hide!!
Satay: Keep Tein safe!
Krillin: (makes permenetly bald) HAHAHAHAHA! DENDE CAN NOT HELP U NOW! MUHAHAHAHA!
King Vegeta: OW!! DAMMIT!! Stop that!!
Yamcha: (does as commanded)
Everyone else: EWW! (looks away)
Chiaotzu: What the -?
Tien: (covers Chiaotzu's eyes) Don't look, bro…don't look…
Satay: STOP THEM!!
King Vegeta and Yamcha: (stop)
King Vegeta: …
Yamcha: … I think silence is best now…
Satay: I agree…
Dende: Thanks…I think…
Chiaotzu: What're…? Oh, you mean those icy lolly things? I love those! Especially the red ones. -
Piccolo: Thanks for the booze, but did you just try to make me into a fangirl of that? Oh, you crazy. You so crazy…
Satay: HE'S MINE! NOT YOURS, MINE!! STAY BACK!! (forces fangirls into another portal)
Tien: I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you…
Satay: (love-heart eyes) You're welcome, Tien-kun…
Krillin: Aww… (runs hand over head) Oh well, when I get outta here it'll all be good again…
Satay: Ahem, onto question six:
King Vegeta: If you're still alive would you ever train your grandchildren on how to be proper Saiyan Royalty?
Piccolo: If you have a male gender what will be your ideal woman? Answer wisely and I'll make you a pure male male namek.
King Vegeta: Let me think about that for a moment…hmm…. NO! They're not true Saiyan royalty. They have the blood of a (shudder) human running through their veins. They're not worthy to wear my crown.
Satay: Good, coz your crown was vaporised too.
King Vegeta: Oh, damn it! C'mon! My crown!?
Piccolo: Hmm, I'd have to say nonexistent. I DON'T WANT TO BE A COMPLETE MALE!! If I did become one, Satay would probably rape me when she was through with Tien.
Satay: Damn right!
Satay: Hush, love, it'll be over soon…
Tien: Love? What?
Satay: Shh… Now to question seven, before Tien twigs…:
King Vegeta: Is there any reason why Vegeta refers to himself as the saiyan prince instead of the saiyan king? If you're dead shouldn't he be King?
Krillin: Do you think 18 would've given you a chance if 17 had been there with her after the Cell Games?
Piccolo: Are you stronger than Goten or Trunks when they're not fused?
Yamcha: Do you still have feelings for Bulma?
King Vegeta: Yes, there is actually. He's a brat, but he sticks to Saiyan tradition well enough. He had to be inaugurated as king, and he never was. If the proper ceremony was carried out then he could call himself king, but until that day he's still a prince. Quite right, too. Insolent brat.
Krillin: No, I don't. Well…actually… She admitted she'd been intrigued with me after I didn't kill her, so maybe I would have. Then again, 17 would've just…
Satay: You're babbling, get on with it.
Krillin: Okay, okay. No, overall, I think she would've stayed with her twin rather than me… But he wasn't, and I got to score with a hot babe (proud grin)
Piccolo: No, unfortunately. Well, not any more. They're stronger than me individually now too. (sigh) Oh well, it was a good couple of weeks…
Yamcha: No! I don't!
Krillin: Don't lie.
Tien: Yeah, Yamcha, we all know the truth.
Satay: Lie and I'll hit you.
Yamcha: Fine, I do… But I'm much more in love with Lunch now that we're living together. (pause) Oops…
Tien: YOU BASTARD!! (lunges)
Satay: (grabs him back) No fighting! I won't hit you, Tien, but I'll take you to the bedroom for some alone time if you don't cooperate.
Tien: (swallows) I'll be good.
Satay: (under her breath) Damn…
Satay: Anyway, onto question eight:
3 eyes asks:
Satay: I'm not afraid...I have weapons too and a team to help me get him out of there...MUWHAHAHAHAHA! He's mine! I'll find a way to get in that room and back out...
Tien: (glomps again)
Piccolo & Choatzu: I'll rescue you guys too.
Satay: Oh, you just try it. (cocks rifle)
Tien: Ah! Fangirls! I never knew!
Satay: Mine! (glomp)
Piccolo: Thank you!
Chiaotzu: I actually kinda wanna stay. It's nice not having to cook for a change.
Chiaotzu: Oh, right… (pulls Satay off Tien with his telepathy) Better?
Tien: Much better. Thanks.
Satay: Well, it was fun while it lasted. You're warming up to me though, aren't you, Tien-kun?
Tien: … Hm… Listen, I promise that I'll give a kiss, on the lips, to any of my fangirls who don't threaten to kill any of my other fangirls. That's for everyone out there! Okay? Okay.
Satay: I'd never do that! (hides weapons)
Tien: (rolls eyes) (pecks Satay on lips)
Dende: We've got to get a move on with this… (points to Satay)
Satay: (wakes up) I'm happy now (inane grin) Okay, question nine:
(Portal opens and a rouge stranger carrying a sword pulling a cart falls through landing in the kitchen. Upon impact the wheels of the cart break and the strangers sees the damage.)Honorable Piccolo, I understand that you have created quite a number of attacks for yourself, but, I must ask was the Maseko attack Gohan uses yours to begin with or did he create the attack? Now please accept this camelback of Tucker's Death Mix. (Hands Piccolo the large liquid container of the alcoholic beverage) It's just the name of the drink. It is just a mixture of a litter of Everclear which is 80 proof, a quart Gatorade, and a can of Red Bull.
Figures and this is one of my favorite carts. Oh well I guess this will be the last time I trust a witch selling spells and potions out the back of an beat-up pinto. (The stranger turns around to see the Z-fighters, Satay, and King Vegeta) Oh, hello. I apologize for the mess but I wished to ask a few questions.
Noble Tein, two of my favorite attacks I've seen belong to you. The Volleyball Fist and your Tri-Beam are truly powerful attacks, but I must ask why does the Tri-beam seem to harm you when you use it? Please accept this as a token of my admiration. (Gives Tein a bottle of Russian Vodka.)
Amazing Chiaotzu, though you are weaker then most your mental strength is that of a super sayian. If I knew of a question to ask you I would, but until that time comes I offer you this. (Presents Chiaotzu with a bottle of sake)
Wise Krillin, despite what everyone else says I know you are the most powerful out of the humans. I also know you are man of honor, but I remember when you were once a scoundrel. After what happened after the dinner that you caused Goku not to be apart of by not allowing him to have the rock he found did you decide not to trick him anymore? I hope I didn't embarrass you from revealing this secret. I want you to have this. (Gives Krillin a bottle of an old fine red wine.) When you return hope use this for a romantic evening between you and your wife.
Young Dendee, you have been through many things through your young life including the destruction of your home planet. Yet you have not to fall into despair. What makes you stay this way? Please take this with my gratitude for the guardian of the earth. (Sets a large cooler filled with bottles of ice cold water)
The bandit thief Yamancha, I hate everything about you except your wolf fang fist attack. But that doesn't redeem you enough in my eyes not to doing something that is very uncharacteristic of me. (Pulls out a Glock from behind his back and shoots Yamancha's "spirit balls")
King Vegeta, in a way we should be glad you gave Frieze your son. For if you hadn't we wouldn't have the noble Super Sayian warrior he became. Now if you still think he's a fool for marrying and having children with an earth woman use this on yourself. (Toss the king of the saying's a 12 inch rubber dildo.) Consult that fake sex tape of Piccolo and Gohan if your unsure of it's purpose.
Now fair beauty Satay, I understand why you make advances of the sexual nature towards Tein, but, you must remember you are 16 years old. You wouldn't want him thrown in jail for statutory rape do you? I hope you like these. (Gives Satay a bouquet of white roses.) Now I must be off. (Notices Yamancha coming out of the bathroom from die due to certain bullet wounds.) Just let me take care of one last thing.
(The stranger beats the living shit out of the legendary bandit before taking Yamancha's head and literally shoving it up Yamancha's ass. Then the stranger takes his camera phone and takes the a picture of Yamancha in his current predicament.)
Bulma, would like to see this next time I talk to her. See all of you later. (The stranger says a few words before a portal opens and makes his exit while the portal closes behind him.)
Satay: Hi! I really appreciate your questions. They're really well thought out :D
Piccolo: The Masanko was mine, originally. I taught him it during the six months we trained together. He got really good at it, actually, though he never got the Masanko Sappo, which is of course my most famous attack.
Satay: Hate to break it to you, Piccolo, but it's called Special Beam Cannon in English.
Piccolo: WHAT!? That's lame! Then how can people know the Masanko's mine?
Satay: Well, they don't…
Piccolo: (sigh) Thank you for the drink. I'll really enjoy this…
Satay: Kikoho, tri-beam in English.
Tien: Oh, the Kikoho! Well, it drains the life force, or ki, of the one that uses it. I think I'm the only one who's mastered it to the level I have, and even so I've died once and almost died a couple more times doing it. The most memorable one was against Imperfect Cell, but while I was learning there were a couple of times when I was in a coma for days, just lying conked out on my bed with Chiaotzu looking after me. That sucked… Anyway, so yeah, it hurts. Don't try it at home… Thanks for this! (takes a sip) Oh, that is nice!
Chiaotzu: (blushes) Thank you. (takes sake) Oo, this'll go great with that dish I was making before I got whisked off here…
Satay: Wait, you were cooking when I got you?
Satay: So…why aren't you wearing an apron?
Chiaotzu: (flushes) It was dirty… I spilled spaghetti on it just before…
Krillin: Well, after I tricked him I got really, really bad food poisoning. It was the fish, I think. Anyway, so that sucked, and I reckoned it was karma come to get me, so I was nice from then on. I didn't actually like him for ages, but he grows on you, you know? It's weird, you just come to expect that wide grin and that infectious laugh. Thank you for the wine, I'm gonna wine and dine 18 good when I get outta here.
Satay: Oh, is that what they're calling it these days.
Dende: (smiles) Oh, I was in a bad way for a long time. Cargo helped, so did Gohan. I guess the things I saw made me ready to become Guardian of Earth in a weird way. Though, in all fairness, Piccolo suffered a lot more than I did when he was a kid, and he turned out okay.
Dende: …kinda… (takes a sip) This is great! It's like, glacial or something! Thank you! -
King Vegeta: Hmm… (eyeing dildo) Intriguing…
Satay: Ew! (whacks King Vegeta) Impure! IMPURE!
Satay: (shrugs) Dunno, it was funny…
Tien: Wait! JAIL!? Statutory rape!? WHAT THE!?
Satay: (guilty smile) Oh, it has been a long time since I updated… I thank you for the roses, I really do, it's very sweet, but I'm not 16 anymore… Hell, I'm going to be 18 in 23 days… (flushes) But your concern is touching, thank you… (puts roses in vase)
Yamcha: (voice muffled) Isn't anyone going to help me?
Krillin: Frankly, we just don't want to touch you.
Piccolo: Figure it out yourself; I'm not putting my hands on you.
Yamcha: (voice muffled) Aw, crap…
Satay: (guilty) I feel bad now… I'm a bad, bad person. (holds out hand) Slap me.
Chiaotzu: (slaps wrist)
Satay: … Ow… Feel a little better now… Okay, question ten:
triclops: three eyes... I GOT IT! your so powerful that you got ANOTHER EYE! FROM BIRTH1
mime-y: umm, what powers do you have?
dende: for some reason, your one of my fave characters here! (gives tanks of water)
vege-flute: YOUR MY OTHER FAVE! also, because of that, i am a 6th namek, 3rd saiyan, 3rd race that is not mentioned in DBZ, and 6th human! only a 6th namek cos i only NEED the powers, the green skin is not necessary... I HAVE A TAIL! (gice him tanks of water)
king beardo: (Forces an earing on his ear) (bardock appears with the other potara earing) HAH! YOU TWO FUSED!
yamcha: DIE BITCH DIE! (stabs)
krillin: (points) YOU GOT NO NOSE
satay: UPDATE SOON!
Tien: Uh… Yeah, sure, why not?
Satay: Coz you're an alien, remember? Discovered that early on this chapter…
Tien: Yeah, I remember that…
Chiaotzu: Well, I can fly, I can freeze people with my mind, I can cause extreme intestinal discomfort.
Krillin: He made me belly hurt!
Chiaotzu: Yes, quite. I can't count, or tell left from right, but I can blow myself up and look super cute. What else do I need?
Chiaotzu: Oh yeah, and despite being a cute little boy, I still have more sex appeal than Yamcha!
Yamcha: … WHAT!?
Krillin: Oh, burn!
Chiaotzu: That'll teach you (pokes out tongue)
Dende: Thanks. Looks good (adds it to ever-growing pile of water)
Piccolo: (sarcastically) Thank you for that. I really didn't need to know that…
Satay: (warningly) Piccolo…
Piccolo: (sigh) Okay, thanks for the water…
King Vegeta: What!? (him and Bardock fuse)
King Vedock: What the hell!?
Dende: (sigh) (points to King Vedock)
King Vedock: (unfuses)
Satay: Get the hell outta my room, Bardock, you're not in this!
Bardock: Aww… (sad face) (disappears through portal)
Yamcha: Ha! Rejected!
Satay: Ahem, forgetting something?
Yamcha: Oh… CRAP! OWW!! (dies) (pops back to life) That hurts…
Krillin: You don't say? Really? Wow, I never knew…
Satay: I'm sorry… (slaps own wrist) Bad, Satay. BAD! You should have updated months ago… Bad…
Satay: Moving on to question eleven:
Satay... Satay...tsk.. Just saying but aren't you a bit TOO busy with other stuff right now? You know, I may be patient but over ten days since the last chap in you know what and a month or two with this?
Satay: Yes, I know, I'm a bad person. Then again, I've been sending you chaps of the other thing regularly, right? Well, regularly-ish… To question twelve!
Yay, I'm back! A lot more people have gave good things to you because of my review! And I'm making my reviews easier on the eyes, too! . Onto the questions!
Satay:So yeah... you said you would update, but look at this, oh well. It's a new year! So you have a clean slate, and if you get chapter 9 done before March, you get a PS3, a Wii, and a Xbox360! You can choose one game for each of them, if you already have one of these consoles, substitute it for 10 games on the console you already have. What's with the long update though?
Tien: builds course for you to use your new mind powers you got when I broke your mental barrier back in Chapter 5 It's all for the sake of charity work and kindness! . See? I smile all the time! The same goes for you too, Chiaotzu! Did you ever find any possible love intrests so far? whispers Go for Satay, it'll make her feel good. Whisper back to me just in case!
Yamcha: whispers to Yamacha People terribly distort your character in fanfics to shudders having a "relationship" with Tien. pukes blood So I decided to give you 100 of those of those types of pizzas I gave you in chapter five. Of course you can still choose the toppings. says in regular voice It's your choice if you want to tell anybody what "fans" write about you. I respect you for being the smartest of the Z Fighters, you actually used your super human skills to get a good career in baseball. What's your power level? What other lesser known Z Fighter do you want to come here? Speaking of money...
Krillin: Your wife doesn't like Las Vegas, eh? (No, I am not Canadian :P) Well I bribed everyone in the poor part of Las Vegas, and I mean literally EVERYONE to go to Kame House. So now no one feels those "tremors" when it's that time of the month for #18. Oh yeah, Roshi's NATION is now the next Cuba... for the men that live there. Roshi's house is a mansion that has all the women from that lived in Vegas because you know how he is.
So yeah, even your wife is pleased with all those people gone. I've got some Parissians to fill in the space for people, with their sense of style they loved living in the air! Your mansion is now made of Solid unmeltable gold, has diamond walls inside, and hase emeralds, sapphires, and rubies encrusted outside and inside. Your lawn is empty so you can plan what to plant there. I really like you guys a lot to do this for you, don't I? What was your most embarrasing death? What about #18 do you love the most? How creepy do you think Master Roshi is from a scale of 0-10. Ten is the creepiest and 0 is: This guy is creepy? I'd like to have whatever drug you're having!
Chiaotzu: Umm... I have a lot more respect for you then I used to! Make sure to paralyse Tien if you have to... Any reason why you have pale white skin and it was revealed you only have one short hair under your hat? What did your parents look like? How old would you be if you were a human? How tall would you be?
Dende: Why don't you smite anyone? I've also got Chuck Norris as your bodyguard. Oh but PLEASE for the love of yourself, don't sober Piccolo up this chapter or your bodyguard is going to roundhouse kick you! Again, 100 more bottles of the cleanest water in the Galaxy. Oh yeah, you should try at least a drink. I'll get you started with some crisp, beginner level, beer. If you don't want accept even a bottle of alcohol, have a soft drink, I guarantee you'll love it!
Piccolo: gives you your favorite type of beer/liquor etc. in a bottle 9X wider and taller than the Universe Here you go, and one more suprise for you! gets out machine that, whenever you sweat, since you said it's almost pure alcohol, converts the alcohol and other fluids to be drinkable alcohol, you choose what alcohol by voice commands. It's here in all its glory! You also said you liked soup... brings out machine that, whenever you sweat anything, converts it into any type of soup. It's voice commanded as well. What did you do in between the years of the 23rd Tenkaichi Budokai (it was the 23rd one right?) and the Saiyan saga?
King Vegeta: I'll let you eat the stuff you could have had because of the wish I made, but you couldn't at first. So you can now! No matter what. You also get a first class interdimensional spaceship ride to HFIL, to
check up on your wife, of course! You know, just in case... ask about King Cold. What were your all your relatives/parents/grandparents like? What is an average saiyan's lifespan? Who's the oldest saiyan ever? Who's the youngest saiyan ever who has died of natural causes? Hey wait! You're not a Z Fighter! Satay! You made a huge mistake in interactions between other characters and this guy, the fact he's not supposed to be here, and he went through unneccesary torture! whispers to Satay If you keep him even for whatever lame reason though, I have something nice for you points to a trillion dollar bill in my hand. I have ten times as much as that in check form if you get Yajirobe in though. done whispering
I almost forgot, but all of these Z characters I gave good stuff to, has an unbreakable barrier. Unless the spelling and grammar is perfect, you don't kill anyone in your question/slaughter, you don't go for cheap shots like destroying someone's balls, no hour of torture, no spells, and no mallets. I mean why would royalty like King Vegeta get hit by something a mouse hits a cat with? (Tom & Jerry for people who don't know what I mean.) Why don't you add Yajirobe? I noticed most of the people who slaughtered the others/grossed them out/cast a spell on them have terrible typing! That really makes me !ing annoyed. This is courtesy of my Gary Stu self who's as kind as me and well, can do anything he can, unlike me.
. See you guys again!
Les (hey that's actually pretty good!)
Satay: Yeah, I've already said what a terrible person I am. Don't hurt me, I'm only being an overworked, almost adult in grade 12, okay? I've been very, very busy doing very important things…
Tien: More important than me and Chiaotzu?
Satay: Some of it involved you, actually… But most of it was school, and if I'm going to get into medicine next year then yes, it is more important than you…
Tien and Chiaotzu: (shock)
Satay: I know, I cannot believe I'm saying the words myself… Oh well… I guess I don't get the thingy…since it's September… (shame)
Tien: Thanks, that's going to be a great help to our training!
Chiaotzu: Yeah, thanks! (grin)
Tien: (pause) (whispers) Okay, I will, just coz you made me that maze. (shifts closer to Satay and puts hand on hers)
Tien: (thoughtfully) As long as she stays a puddle this could work…
Yamcha: Do they really? That's weird (sticks out tongue)
Tien: Wait…they do what? Ew… EW! I feel dirty…
Satay: (opens mouth)
Tien: Don't ruin it…this hand holding thing can continue, or it can stop right now.
Satay: (shuts mouth, holds tighter to Tien's hand)
Yamcha: Well, I was the only one who actually got a career after fighting, so yeah, I am smart (pride) I don't know my power level. I stopped getting it read after a while. Once it gets over a million it gets boring and hard to keep track. I just say I'm stronger than Master Roshi, weaker than Goku. That leaves people with a pretty good idea of my skill.
Piccolo: No it doesn't.
Krillin: Yeah, it really doesn't.
Tien: Why don't you make it a tad more vague and say you're stronger than Turtle and weaker than Goku?
Yamcha: Great idea, Tien!
Tien: Oh, the sarcasm, it burns…
Yamcha: … what?
Satay: (still holding Tien's hand) Just answer the rest of the question.
Yamcha: Uh…Dunno…Who else counts as lesser known?
Satay: Yajirobe. I'm gonna bring him in at the end, have no fear of that!
Krillin: Oo, thanks! Now 18 can be happy (grin) That sounds gorgeous! I can't wait to get outta here! I've gotta break in every room of the house (wink)
Yamcha: Wazzat mean?
Krillin: Me and 18 did it to Kame house and we'll do it to this one.
Yamcha: Okay, now I'm really confused.
Piccolo: (pinching bridge of nose) Oh for god's sake, he's going to have sex with his wife in every room of his new house, get it now?
Yamcha: (pause) Oh… (another pause) OH! (sly grin) I got it…
Krillin: On to your questions, my most embarrassing death was Buu. Turned to stone, what a way to go. My most embarrassing almost death was on Frieza's horn. That sucked, and it was really painful, and it looked really, really dumb. I mean, honestly… Bouncing me around like a bouncy ball. Not cool, bro, not cool. I love 18's laugh. It brightens up my day. It's heard far too rarely in this world if you ask me… Master Roshi's about an eight. I mean, he's pretty creepy but he'd got good points as well.
Chiaotzu: Well…that's good… I think… Can I ask why? Uh…if you were really nice you would say I'm a super-evolved human… If you wanna be mean, then my genes mutated in the womb… As far as I remember my parents were pretty normal, but they died a long time ago. If my physical age matched my chronological age I would be around Yamcha's height I think…but I'd be around Tien's age… Scary, huh?
Satay: I'm kinda glad you don't grow up. You're too cute to grow up.
Chiaotzu: (blushes) Thanks…
Dende: Coz I lack the energy. Smiting takes a lot of power. The best I can do is conjure up lightning storms and zap bad people. I do it sometimes…sometimes it happens by itself… Thanks for the beer, I'll give it a shot…
Why not? I've got 300-something years left to enjoy life, can't keep waiting forever… (takes a sip) Oo, that's not bad…
Piccolo: (noise of appreciation) Thanks, that is gonna be very useful… (takes a swig) I trained mostly. Just kinda drifted around, avoiding everyone. As Nail keeps pointing out every time I think about it, most of the places I trained were very similar to Planet Namek, but more deserted. Five years alone is very interesting. It was the first time I managed to control my father's voice…
King Vegeta: Thanks! Wait…I'm not a what now?
Satay: Shh, Kingy, the grownups are talking…
King Vegeta: You're not a grownup!
Satay: 23 more days, Kingy, 23 more days…
King Vegeta: WHAT!?
Satay: Just answer the questions…
King Vegeta: Okay. The average lifespan of a Saiyan is around 90 to 100 years. The oldest Saiyan ever died at the age of 142, and the youngest to die of natural causes was around 10 of a virus that attacks the immune system…
Satay: Oo, nice! I'm bringing in Yajirobe, promise! And thank you for the warning about spelling and grammar! I can't read some of these reviews, and so I don't know what to say . Neither do the boys… Thank you again, so much!
Satay: I still wanna hold your hand, if it's okay, Tien? (flutters eyelashes)
Tien: (sigh) Okay, sure, whatever…
Satay: Squee! (holds hand tighter) Okay, question thirteen:
sombra-the resserection asks:
hello. i'm sombra, but you can call me that or artemis. first of all, i have only read to chapter 2, because my mom wan't me off soon, so forgive me if i repeat a question already stated. anywho, my favorite character is piccolo, so lets start with him.
piccolo: how old are you? have you ever spared any humans life before you joined forces with goku? i know you only drink water, but are there any human foods you have been wanting to eat, and if so, what are they? and what is you favorite genre of books? oh, and before i forget. my friend wanted me to ask this since every one else is bringing it up. ok, with the whole reproducing thing (i know, i'm sorry for asking), but if you could 'do it' with a human girl/guy, would you, and if so, what would the human girl/guy's personality have to include for you to even think about 'doing it' with them?
dende: you are my second favorite character, and i don't really have a question, but more of a comment. last year my twin brother got a hamster, and i talked him into naming it after you. so if you ever see a hamster in one of those small hamster balls rolling around and some one shouting your name after it, don't worry, we're not calling after you. oh, quick question i just thought of. if you could, would you teach me how to heal? i'm in a sword fighting group that does rennasaince stuff, and that would really help when i beat my brother into a bloody pulp. (youngest fighter in the group and darn proud of it!)
everyone accept yamcha: how do you put up with him? i admit, he is high on my list of favorite characters, but i would not be able to deal with him so much. especialy piccolo, i thought you would have dissinagrated his body by now out of annoyance.
satay: you are insane, and i thank you for that.
hands all humans/sayins some vegtable ramen sorry i don't have any ramen with meat in it, i'm a vegatarian hands the nameks in the room each a case of irish spring water here, now you can actully have something that you can drink, instead of the regular human food.
and before i forget, the invisable purple squirrles say hi. if you want to know how they are both invisable and purple at the same time, email me at it's the best email i have.
good bye now, and i will try to finish reading the chapters later.
Satay: Hey there ;)
Piccolo: 4 years older than Gohan, thought I explained that already… Uh…no I didn't. Killed 'em all and laughed about it later. Yes, I was a bastard, so sue me…
Piccolo: Not funny, Dende. Anyway, I kinda wanna try those taco things Gohan's been going on about, but that's nothing more than vague curiosity. I don't read much, and when I do it's mainly non-fiction.
Dende: I'm the reader! (grin)
Piccolo: Also, I would not want to 'do it' with anyone, let alone a human, and if there was for some reason some insane urge to 'do it' they would have to be quiet. Very quiet. Mute, in fact…
Dende: That's sweet. I love hamsters. I want one, but Piccolo says I'm not allowed (pout)
Piccolo: You know you'd put it in that ball thing and it'd just roll right off the edge of the Lookout and then I'd have to go fetch it before it splattered…
Dende: Piccolo! That's not nice!
Piccolo: True, though…
Dende: Anyway, I would teach you if I could, but the fact is it's a trait of Nameks. I just have the ability…that's all… And Yamcha's not that bad…in small doses…
Piccolo: I would have, but he would just pop back into life and that annoys me too… (fumes)
Chiaotzu: I ignore him.
Krillin: I just picture him trying to win back Bulma. Puts a smile on my face every time.
Yamcha: Oh, come on, guys. I'm right here…
Satay: Why thank you! But I am a bad person (sad)
Tien: (sigh) Would it help if I told you that you were just really, really busy?
Satay: (pause) YES! (hug)
Tien: No hugging, not so fast. Slowly, slowly…
Satay: Okay… (holds Tien's hand) I can deal with this till I'm 18 -
Everyone except Yamcha and the Nameks: Thanks for the food!
Piccolo: Was that in perfect unison or are my ears stuffing up…?
Dende: I think it was… Can we do it, do you think?
Piccolo: I don't wanna try…
Dende: (under breath) Spoilsport (louder) Thanks for the water -
Satay: I wanna know how they are invisible and purple at the same time (sad) What's your email?? And on to question fourteen:
Hey Wazz Up?! N2MHJC, I've been reading this story since in came online. Yes i just actually joined but ive been reading the stories for a long time. Personally this one is pretty funny. I like this one so plz keep writing it. Its a good one. Keep up the good work!
Satay: Thanks! I'm sorry it's been so very, very long… (guilty, apologetic smile) Now to question fifteen:
King Vegeta: you rock, your son is a super sayian did you know that.
Piccolo: why do you respect Gohan so much
Yamcha: why did you break up with bulma... or did she break up with you? O.o!?
Dende: you are the protector of the world does it ever bother you what people might think of you?
Krillin: What are those marks on your forehead.
Tien: your ROCK (telipathically)did you like launch she's the one that stayed with master roshi when goku was a child.
Chiaotzu: you look like a cute little china doll.
Picollo: Here have some sensu water i made it my self.(handing him the gord filled woth water)i noticed that you carried your water in a gourd why?
King Vegeta: Thank you, I'm glad someone finally appreciates my excellence. No I didn't. But from what I hear there are like six super Saiyans. So it's not so great any more, is it??
Piccolo: Because he's my first friend. He's the first one who actually treated me like something more than a demon. It…it meant a lot, okay? He was a very important influence in my life when he was a kid, and I really appreciated it…
Yamcha: It was mutual…
Krillin: She broke up with him.
Yamcha: I didn't! It was mutual!
Tien: Because he cheated on her…
Dende: With a life-guard…
Yamcha: MU-! Wait, Dende?
Dende: Yes, well. Everyone else was doing it… (blush)
Krillin: These are the marks from my old monastery. They were meant to symbolise inner peace. I dunno how…
Tien: Thanks! No, I never did like Lunch really.
Chiaotzu: It's telepathy, don't strain your head about it…
Tien: Anyway, she was really weird and I was very uncomfortable around her. Blue-Lunch never did any of that, but blonde-Lunch treated me like a bit of meat…
Satay: I don't do that, do I? If I do I'm sorry… (guilty smile)
Tien: (sigh) You don't do it as much…
Satay: Yay! Not as much!
Chiaotzu: Thank you -
Piccolo: Thanks a lot. I don't know why I did, actually. I made one when I was a kid out of an animal I killed and the habit just stuck.
Dende: Piccolo, that's disgusting!
Piccolo: True, though. It's the truth! It's not my fault it's disgusting…
Satay: Ew… Anyway, onto question sixteen:
tien,chaotzu,yamcha,yajirobe-you did not help goku against radditz why
Tien: Simple, I didn't know it was happening.
Yamcha: Same, actually…
Yajirobe: (isn't here yet)
Satay: He's coming, soon, at the end… He'll answer it then…
Piccolo: I'm the only one who helped against Raditz because I'm the only one who knew he was there. That's the only reason these clowns didn't help.
Yamcha: Who're you calling a clown!?
Chiaotzu: I kinda do look like a clown…
Piccolo: Then you're a mime.
Satay: To question seventeen!
Shadow of Existance asks:
You're doing such a great job on this fic!
King Vegeta: Ah, well... I decided Im not going to bash you like the other reviewers, nor do I hate you for sending little Vegeta to Freeza (Did anyone else mistake him for a girl at first?). After all, If you hadn't, we wouldn't have a Vegeta so fans COULD blame you for his problems. So, my question to you is, are you proud of your son and grandson for becoming super saiyans? If I were you, I'd be especially proud of Trunks, since he reached that form at the age of 8.
Yamcha: Ow, ow, ow! That hurts! I won't do it again! I won't, I won't! OWWWW!!
Krillin: Awesome! Okay, I'll admit it, I'm bad with names, okay? I couldn't think of anything, and 18 was just lying there on the hospital bed with our daughter in her arms just looking at me and of course she was no help coz she couldn't even remember her own name let alone any other girl names and my mind went blank. I just said the first word that came into my head. Thank Kami 18's never met her, that's all I can say…I'd be going to a funeral if that ever happened…
Dende: Thanks - I'm mostly better now. I mean, it was scary, I admit that, but I'll be able to look Mr Popo in the eye again after this. He's my friend, he's taken good care of me…
Yamcha: (under breath) Yeah, I'll bet… (mallet appears from nowhere and whacks him over the head) OW!
Dende: Anyway, thanks for your concern. Me and Gohan just got busy, that's all. It's sad, but we still keep in touch. With his kinda half-father living at my place, he's gotta visit often :D
Tien: Everyone thinks it's adorable, but it's just normal for us. We're brothers, that's all. Through thick and thin… (smiles at Chiaotzu)
Chiaotzu: Life and death… (smiles at Tien)
Tien: I said that…because…well… I was just getting tired, you know? Tired of being beaten, tired of watching people defend me… I was just exhausted with the whole thing. And I did help in the Buu saga. I was taken out in one kick, but I saved Dende's life!
Chiaotzu: Thanks - It took me about eight years to gain control of my powers at all, then another ten to hone them… I was only just in control of them at the 22nd Tenkaichi Budokai. That's probably why Krillin won…
Krillin: No, my super genius made me win.
Dende: Made you?
Chiaotzu: Uh…okay then… Anyway, it was mostly mental sparring. Tien was my sparring partner a lot of the time, and when he would get mentally exhausted – he's not a natural telepath so it did happen – I would work on freezing things. I could freeze an entire forest by the time the Saiyans arrived, and I can almost freeze the whole world now.
Piccolo: Thank you. I appreciate that. Like I said above, Gohan was the first one to treat me decently. He would listen to what I had to say, and he respected both my word and my action. I was nothing but cruel to him, trust me on that, and yet he still managed to smile and laugh and call me his big, green uncle at the end of the day. True, I beat him twice as hard the next day, but six months of constant admiration wears you down. He was like a son to me by the end of it, and I've kept an eye on him ever since…
Satay: Aw, that's so cute!
Piccolo: And thank you. He is an idiot. I'm glad someone agrees.
Tien: I agree.
Piccolo: You hush.
Satay: (giggle) Yes, I did actually mistake Frieza for a girl for a while. Then there was this huge debate in my head of: 'He's naked, but there's nothing there!' Which led to the conclusion of: 'It must be inside!' I was about 10 at the time. Now I know better: he's just asexual, like Piccolo!
Piccolo: Don't put me in the same category as that freak.
Satay: But you are! Just accept it!
Piccolo: I think I'm gonna hurl…
King Vegeta: Excuse me, I do believe this is my question!
Satay: Then go ahead and answer it!
King Vegeta: With pleasure. Ahem, okay, I admit it, I'm a little proud. It's a high rank, and to reach it at such a tender age. (sigh) If only he wasn't part human, then I could accept him as my kin…
Satay: If he wasn't part human it would mean that Veggie was his daddy and Goku was his mummy.
King Vegeta: Who's Goku?
Satay: Kakarot, you know, Bardock's son?
King Vegeta: Oh…OH! Okay. That's sick. Ew! Lowly third class scum, wouldn't stand a chance with my high-born son.
King Vegeta: Anyway, that boy isn't considered my grandson by me, so no, I'm not proud of my grandson. However, as king it does give me some satisfaction to know that the Saiyan gene is still strong…
Satay: Well, that's about it… Oh wait, last minute one, question eighteen, the last before I post this and go to bed!
Curse you Satu, how on Earth did you manage to get an A on that Maths B exam last year...?
You're still beating me aren't you :(...
Ah well. Anyway, stop obsessing over Tien :P
Satay: Hehe, magic powers!
Tien: What the -?
Satay: Friend from school, you wouldn't understand… Anyway, I think it was a fluke. My current maths teacher totally ruined my good maths score streak. Same with my chemistry teacher – I assume, as I haven't actually had the exam yet… And I shall not stop obsessing over Tien! He is a dish, and he's holding my hand ;P
Satay: Anyway, welcome our newest guest, Yajirobe!
Yajirobe: (appears through hole in window holding a bit of chicken) What the -?!
Satay: Welcome, Yajirobe. Please, sit down on the…uh…linen chest thing! Now, Yajirobe, why didn't you help Goku against Raditz?
Yajirobe: Who's Raditz??
Satay: What an excellent answer that was... Any more questions will be appreciated, I will try to update a little faster this time, but I'm still in yr 12 and I'm still unspeakably busy and it's like 0200 and I'm exhausted! G'night!!