Author's Note: Hello all! I'm totally new here and this is my first fic. It's totally random. I was driving along one day and suddenly inspiration struck. Sadly, when it struck it took the opportunity to also mug and rob me, so I'm rather desperate for ideas for this fic. If you have any thoughts about things that would be cool/fun/interesting/whatever please shoot me a message! Anyway, reviews would be dearly loved as this IS my first time and my ego is frail and anorectic and if I don't get reviews it'll probably just curl up and die. . . . . .erm, I'm half-asian and so don't burn easily, but even so I don't particularly like flames. . .

Disclaimer: All I own is a mangy, defective cat. The rest was stolen when inspiration struck.

"I am going to kill them." Roy hissed.

He didn't know who, or how, but someone was going to die for this. He wondered just how long burning someone to death could be drawn out. Probably pretty long, he figured.

Groaning, he scrambled to his feet—something that required far more effort than it should—and looked around. Where was he? The place looked vaguely familiar, with its calm, pastoral atmosphere. Green grass billowed gently behind the low, crumbling stone wall and trees dotted the landscape. In the distance he could see a few houses scattered randomly across the grassy hills. Trotting away from the base of the tree where he'd woken up, Roy jumped lightly over the stone wall and onto a narrow, dirt road. Where was this? He knew he'd been here before.

Clearing a hill, he suddenly came across a dead, burnt tree leaning over a large scorch mark in the middle of the grass. Something clicked. Resembool. This was the Fullmetal brat's hometown. He started sadly at the blackened ruins for a moment, memories of when he had first met the boy rushing back to him. Then he snorted angrily. Okay, so he knew where he was, but. . .WHAT THE HECK WAS HE DOING HERE?!

He had no memory of coming here, and even LESS memory of how he had gotten. . .into his current state. The last thing he remembered was slipping out of his office when his slave-driver of a lieutenant had her back turned for a moment and then. . .he was waking up in a grassy field, like this.

Yes, he thought, someone was definitely going to die. Possibly several someones.

But right now he had to find help, as he was in no condition to make it back to Central by himself. If he remembered correctly, Fullmetal's mechanic—that cute, blond girl—lived close to here.

Roy ran unsteadily down the road and, sure enough, a quaint, solitary house soon appeared. He skidded to a halt and caught his breath, hardly believing his luck. There, in front of the house, were the two Elric brothers. Fullmetal was rolling on the ground with a dog (Who on earth gives a dog an automail leg? Roy wondered.) while Alphonse just sat back and watched them.

Okay. Roy peeked out from the tree he was attempting to hide behind. You need their help. Just. . .walk out there and. . .augh! No! There is no way I would humiliate myself like this in front of FULLMETAL of all people! Whatever gods there were must hate him, he decided. But he really DID need their help. . .crap. Roy straightened with determination, swallowing his pride. . .and immediately choking on it.

"Ah, big brother!" Alphonse Elric looked up, "What's that sound?"

"Eh?"

"It's coming from that tree." Al jogged over in concern. "AH! Big brother!"

"What is it?" Ed scrambled up and ran to his brother's side.

"Look, there's a horse here that looks like it's having trouble breathing! Here, what should we do to help?"

"How would I know?! It's a horse!" Ed crossed his arms and looked sideways at the animal. Al patted the horse on the back uncertainly.

"Hey there, fella, take it easy. . ."

The horse made odd, strangled noises.

"There you go. . .just relax. . ." Al continued stroking the horse's sleek, black neck. "Hey, big brother, where do you think this guy came from?"

Ed shrugged disinterestedly, "Probably belongs to one of the neighbors."

"Oh, well we should ask around and try to find his owner then, if he ran away."

More strangled noises came from the horse.

"Hey, something's wrong with him. Do you think he's sick?"

"Al, it's a horse. The only thing I know about horses is that the person goes on top."

Al sighed, "Well, go get granny Pinako and some rope, at least."

"What? Why?? When did we start making a habit of taking in stray horses? It's wild for all we know!!"

"Brother!"

"Fine, fine. . ." Ed sighed and trudged back to the house.

Once Roy was able to breathe normally again, he seriously considered just bolting and taking his chances on his own. Well. . .actually, he seriously contemplated kicking Fullmetal in the head and THEN bolting. But Alphonse was still stroking his neck in a soothing way and saying vague, comforting things and. . . . .Roy's train of thought crashed. Stroking? His NECK?!! He let out a shriek and shied away from the giant, metal boy.

"Whoa, there boy!" Alphonse gripped Roy's mane tighter and laid his other hand on Roy's nose. Roy pranced in agitation, his mind still trying to cope with this sudden reality of. . .equine-ness. But eventually his rational side once again took over and squashed the (very large) part of his mind that was solely focused on running around in circles and screaming. Yes, he was a horse. That was reality. Don't think about it anymore.

He calmed and allowed Al to continue petting him, the boy's large hand running down his neck and across his back in a. . .not unpleasant manner. Part of his brain seized again at this last thought, but that part was firmly smooshed before he lost it completely. Don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it. . .oh look.

The Fullmetal boy was reemerging from the house along with the tiniest woman he had ever seen. What was her name? Pinako. Right. He was more concerned, however, with the length of rope and halter that Edward was carrying.

"Here, Al, put this on him." Pinako said, as Ed handed the halter over.

"Okay, boy, here we go. Don't worry, we'll just slip this right over. . ." Al babbled as he lifted the halter to Roy's face.

"What on earth are you doing?!" Roy screeched, stamping his foot and tossing his head back, away from Al. "You are NOT putting that thing on me! Agh! Stop!!" He struggled wildly as Al grappled with his head.

"There we go!" Al said triumphantly as he slipped the halter on, "That's not so bad, is it?"

Roy threw his head about some more, then rubbed it on his leg as he pranced around, "'Not so bad'?! I have a rope on my FACE!!" he whinnied. Okay, Mustang, calm down. . .yes, you have a rope on your face. Deal with it. He took a few, deep, calming breaths. If this was what it took to become human again, he would just have to put up with it. He sighed and followed Al obediently back to the house.

Yes. He was DEFINITELY going to kill someone.