Bored On A Sunny Day
By Bella Masen Cullen
A/N This is my first shot at writing humorous fanfiction, and it doesn't really get funny until the second chapter, so bear with me! Can't you just imagine Emmett running through the house singing "Sexyback"?
Disclaimer: I only own Twilight in my dreams. That means I do not own it.
Chapter One: What to Do, What to Do…
Sun. A vampire's worst enemy when trying to remain inconspicuous. That's why we moved to Forks. The constant rain was our shield against the human world. But when the sun was out, we were forced to remain inside.
Now, how many things are there for a vampire to do on a sunny day? Well, one could watch TV or play video games. Or, in Emmett's case, one could run around the house singing a very disturbing version of Sexyback. I shuddered as he passed me by. Emmett was very… interesting when he was bored.
So, what else could we do for fun on a sunny day? Well, there was one thing. We could play board games. Our games closet was filled to the brim with pretty much every worthwhile board game ever made. We had all the classics, and all of the more modern games as well. So, with this idea in my mind, I called a family meeting.
Everybody gathered in the living room. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Emmett was still humming Sexyback as we all sat down.
"Shut up Emmett, that's really disturbing you know." A grin spread across Emmett's face as I said this, and my mind was suddenly bombarded with some very unsettling images of him and Rosalie. "I really did not have to see that Emmett!" I grimaced and tried to erase the images from my mind. Everybody in the room burst out laughing. "It's nice to know that I have a supportive family." I growled.
"Aww Eddy," Alice teased. I scowled at her for using such a vile nickname. "Don't be such a spoilsport!"
I looked at Carlisle with pleading eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as he caught on.
"Now Edward, what was it you wanted?" he asked, a twinkle in his eyes. I straightened up and addressed my family.
"Well, since it's such a sunny day and we're stuck inside, and since we're all bored with nothing to do…" My statement was met with looks of confusion. "Okay, since I'm bored and have nothing to do, I thought maybe I could call Bella to come over and we could all play a board game."
Alice met my suggestion with a wide grin as she clapped her hands together and bounced up and down on her seat. "Oh, yay!" she exclaimed, giddy with excitement.
"But Alice, dear, we were having so much fun!" Jasper looked at his wife pleadingly, and more disturbing images flashed through my mind as they exchanged a passionate gaze.
"Why are you all making me suffer?" I wailed like a child. Everybody just ignored me and I crossed my arms, pouting.
"I bet Bella has never seen this side of you, Ed!" Emmett teased. I glared at him with all my hatred packed into one gaze. If looks could kill, he would be dead. My anger just set forth another torrent of giggles from my family, and soon they were all laughing hysterically.
Esme was the first one to control her laughter and finally calmed down. "Well Edward, I think that's a great idea. You should go pick up Bella right now." I smiled as she finally served the purpose of the meeting and got up to leave before any of my other family members could humiliate and/or torture me further.
I ran out to my Volvo at vampire speed, eager to get away from the house. In the shelter of my car the sun didn't bother me, but I wore concealing layers just in case. I got to Bella's house within minutes, and rejoiced when I saw that Charlie's car was nowhere to be seen. I quickly jumped out of the car and into the shade, being extra careful not to make any noise. I wanted to surprise Bella.
I grabbed the spare house key from its hiding place under the eave and let myself in. I could hear Bella upstairs in her bedroom, bouncing the springs of her bed as she flipped a page of the book she was reading. I placed the key back under the eave and closed the door, jumping lithely up the stairs, being careful to avoid the squeaky one.
I quickly peeked into Bella's room and was once again astonished by her inhuman beauty. I composed myself and made sure she was completely immersed in her book before making my next move.
I silently ran to the side of her bed, and stopped to make sure she hadn't noticed. She was still reading, and I smiled. In one quick movement, I scooped her up and kissed her, receiving a squeal in reply.
Bella pushed herself away to see who had suddenly disturbed her book, and I laughed at the stunned expression on her face. I leaned in to kiss her one more time and then set her down on the bed.
"Silly Bella!" I laughed as she held her head in her hands, trying to process what had just happened.
"Edward! How did you-? What did-? Who-?" she blinked several times, and only made me laugh harder.
"I've come to kidnap you, Bella dear. I've come to take you away to the 'Cullen Mansion of Maniacal Vampires'." I was still laughing as I said this. The look on Bella's face was pure terror, and I lifted her up and sprung out the window, making a beeline for my car and putting her in the passenger seat. I got in myself and began to drive before she could escape.
Bella finally seemed to find her voice. "Where did you say you were taking me?" she asked, still traumatized from the shock of my sudden appearance.
"My house. We're bored, so we've decided to eat you." I looked at her, trying to act serious. He mouth dropped open in horror and her eyes widened.
I smiled and attempted to 'dazzle her', as she called it. "I'm kidding Bella! Do you really think I would ever harm you?"
"No." she crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat, calming down. "But next time you decide to kidnap me, please give me the slightest bit of a warning." She gestured down to her clothes. She was still in her pajamas.
"You never cease to amaze me. It's two o'clock in the afternoon and you're still dressed like that." I shook my head and gave her a small kiss on the forehead.
"Keep your eyes on the road!" she yelled. The red on her cheeks from my previous comment made her look like Charlie when he was mad. I chuckled and pretended to pay attention to where I was going, for Bella's sake.
We were at my house in minutes and I ran over to Bella's door to get her out. We walked up the drive and Bella opened the door of the mansion, stepping in cautiously.
"BELLLLAAAA!" I heard Emmett yell from somewhere in the house. I didn't have time to act before he came bounding down the stairs and suddenly had Bella in a bear hug.
"Emmett-can't-BREATHE!" Bella choked out, and Emmett put her down gently. I had barely calmed down before I heard Alice's thoughts as she too ran down the stairs to embrace Bella.
Bella's here! Bella's here! Maybe she'll let me give her a makeover!
"Not a chance, Alice." I said in answer to her thoughts as she gave Bella a hug. Alice pouted and crossed her arms.
We were soon joined by the rest of the family and Emmett and Alice rushed over to the game closet to pick something for us to play. They were nearly bouncing from excitement. I swear, if vampires could drink human beverages, I would've bet that they had had twenty cans of pop each.
"Hey, I think I've found one!" Emmett cried triumphantly. He pointed to something and Alice clapped her hands in agreement.
"How about we play…"
A/N Sorry about all the typos, I had to go to bed and I was rushing to put this up last night. I fixed them now, and I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP! Thanks for reviewing! I love getting reviews; they make me feel all giddy inside: )