A/N: When I mean writers' block, I meant that month and a half when I didn't post anything. But I'm back now! Yippee! Now, sit back, relax and enjoy the teachings of Kelp!


Me: Edward, please give me a chance with you! I mean, I'm writing about you!

Edward: Okay then, give me a few minutes to read what you've written.

Edward: Ummm...

Me: Well, do you like it?

Edward: Hot pink silly string?

Me: Ummm...

Edward: Barbies?

Me: -coughs- Yeah, um, ok... I'll leave now.

Edward: Thank you, I'm going back to Stephenie now.

Me: Fair enough -cries in corner-

Chapter Fourteen: The Way of the Kelp

"The way of the what?!" I asked, incredulous. Bella and Jasper were staring at Esme with expressions much like mine on their faces; utter disbelief. Esme still looked determined. She walked into the main room and faced the stairs.

"Carlisle! Emmett! Alice! Rosalie! Get down here now!" She yelled, though with our sensitive hearing, all she had to do was whisper. The rest of my family instantly congregated in the room with alarmed looks on their faces. Esme disappeared into the closet and the rest of my family gave Jasper, Bella and I strange looks. We all rolled our eyes and turned back to the closet. Esme emerged, brandishing four more brooms. She gave Carlisle, Emmett, Alice and Rose one each, and then grabbed her own.

"Do you know why you are here?" Esme asked us all, and I sighed.

"To learn the way of the Kelp?" I asked, sarcastically. Esme's eyes shone with pride and she smiled.

"Yes my son, yes. I can tell—" she touched two of her fingers to my forehead and grinned again, "—you are strong with the Kelp." I turned to Jasper and mouthed Oh my God to him. He shook his head back at me, eyes wide. I turned back to Esme.

"Ummm, right. Sure I am." I stepped away from Esme and she turned to face the rest of the group.

"Now, do you all wish to learn the way of the Kelp?" She asked seriously, looking at each of us in turn.

"Well, not really..." Emmett said, bouncing his broom up and down on his outstreched arms.

"What did you say?!" Esme exclaimed, flames igniting in her golden eyes.

"I don't wa—"

"YES YOU DO!" Esme whacked Emmett with her broom and he fell over, astonished. "YES YOU DO YES YOU DO!" Esme continuously whacked Emmett with her broom. We all watched, uncertain.

"Esme, dearest, perhaps you shouldn't kill our son..." Carlisle stepped forward and put a comforting hand on Esme's shoulder, but she turned around and started whacking him instead.

"When—my—son—disrespects—the—Kelp—I—can—do—whatever—the—hell—I—want—to—him!" Carlisle winced in pain as Esme beat down on him. Emmett, Jasper and I grabbed Esme from behind and attempted to hold back her struggling form, but to no avail. She ripped away from us and jumped onto the piano, putting out her broom protectively.

"Let me ask you again: do you all wish to learn the way of the Kelp?" She looked at us scornfully, waiting for an answer.

"Yes!" We chorused, too scared to disagree anymore. Esme grinned.

"Good! Now, everyone hold your brooms out in front of you, like this," she held out her broom and balanced it on her wrists. I positioned myself next to Bella so that her broom was somewhat balanced on me. If I had left her to herself, she probably would've gotten a beating from Esme as well, and I definitely didn't want that.

"Now chant 'xigs ajah dijik mooooo'" She closed her eyes and began chanting it over and over again. I looked at Bella and she blushed. I chuckled and began chanting along with Esme, and the rest of my family followed, including a very hesitant Bella.

"No, no, no Carlisle! It's ahhhh-haaaaah, not ahhhh-gaaah! And Emmett, stop snorting, you're ruining the entire thing!" Esme scolded, frowning at all of us. "Rosalie, stop sighing, it really takes away the whole purpose of this exercise. Bella! Stop blushing!" And on, and on...

Carlisle's thoughts suddenly entered my mind and I raised my eyebrows. An idea, eh? He answered the question clear through my facial expression. Yes, I have an idea. But you're going to have to survive a bit more of this before I put it to action. We laughed and Esme scowled at us both. I turned around and continued to chant Esme's strange incantation.

"Shut up you two. Xigs ajah dijik mooooo xigs ajah dijik mooooo!"

A/N: What's Carlisle's plan? Well, you're going to have to wait until I write that chapter. In the meantime, please review! Thank you so much for reading!

Bella Masen Cullen