Thoughts and Emotions
Disclaimer: I do not own Ghost Hunt and any of the characters. Some of the characters in this fanfiction are created for the purpose of creating a deeper plot. There may be some violent scenarios during the entire story. There is no yaoi, shounen-ai, or yuri in this story. Keep and open mind and read at your own risk.
Please read and review. Thank you! It would really motivate me to write more chapters. Please tell me what you think of it so I could improve and continue to write more articles.
To those who gave me constructive criticisms about my tenses, thank you so much. It helped me watch out at least for some of the errors. Forgive me for the errors that I have committed for the first chapters. I was in a hurry to update then and upload the stories that it passed my mind to edit the story.
To those who liked my story, thank you so much. It means a lot to me that there are people who review my story. Please continue to do so. I apologize for taking some time to update, it has been a tough week and the schedule was too tight. I also had to watch the anime again to get my momentum going again.
It was that girl in her dreams. Even though there are a lot of girls that would classify as the person that this man was talking about, she firmly believed that this girl that he was talking about was the same girl that she met in her dreams—the child that told her that she should not come back.
"What did the child say?" Naru asked sensing a lull moment between the two.
Yuki turned to him and continued to fix his things and got ready to leave.
"She said…" Yuki looked up to Naru as he took his coat, getting ready to go out of the room.
"Mai, tea." Naru ordered from his room.
Mai grumbled. Honestly, after working for a long time in the presence of that cold man, there were still instances that he drove her patience to the wall. She mumbled to herself sometimes trying to make fun out of the situation. The times that Ayako-san, Bou-san, John-san, and Hara-san were there were really fun. It was way past the monotonous session. But at the same time, it has some pitfalls. Because knowing that they are there means that they have some sort of important mission.
She stomped her way to the kitchen with a slight pout on her face.
"Argh, he could have just said please! But no, he would rather be simple and say "Mai, tea". I don't get it, he burns more calories talking than staying still as a rock and as cold as an icicle." Mai opened the bottle of tea leaves. "It's annoying! Argh, why won't this open?! Annoying can, why I…"
The suddenly it hit her again.
She paused and looked at the bottle. She remembered that dream yet again. It came back to her as vivid, almost as if she came back there again. But she knew that she was here, breathing normally and still alive. However, it was scary to know that she stopped breathing while she was in that dream.
She stared far away and looked at the side.
Honestly, that was not the only thing that was bothering her. What bothered her was that the realization that hit her awhile ago. She died during her dream.
Funny isn't it. But her powers were getting stronger that she could talk to people in her dream in a plane where it would be defined as something between living and dying. She was almost sure that if she stayed there for more than the time required, she would see a death god and it would take her with him or her.
She shook her head wildly. It was definitely something that she did not like.
She was too young to die.
She still did not have someone important in her life.
She still does not have any children.
She wasn't finished with her schooling yet…
She was surprised that when the last thought passed her mind, she felt warm tears fall down her cheeks. She placed a palm over her left cheek and suddenly all the well up tears started to fall down.
She fell down her knees and started crying on her own.
"I don't want to die…"
He saw the silhouette of the young girl through his door. He closed his eyes for a moment reflecting back at the incident regarding Mai's new abilities. He was a bit nervous when he saw that Mai was not breathing back then. He didn't really understand why, but he wanted to almost break down his barriers and panic himself to death. But since he was Shibuya Kazuya, he did not do so.
It was not really 30 minutes straight that the girl was not breathing. There were just some times that she would stop breathing and then breathe again. Almost like she was being chased again and again and that she was losing her breath. But there was at least about 2 to 3 minutes during the entire stretch that she turned almost blue.
Lin and Naru almost panicked when they saw her like that. She appeared as if she was dead. Her body was turning cold. It was nothing like any other that they have experienced. It was not really something that you would consider a "normal" thing to happen in anyone's life. It was a bit unnerving—okay, a lot unnerving.
Seriously though, if he would have been very emotional, he was crying already.
But then they were surprised when she suddenly opened her eyes and then all of a sudden appear as if she just woke up from a long sleep. It was disturbing to say the least but they were just relieved that she was still alive. They told her that she was not breathing for 30 minutes. The reason why the somehow lied, or partly lied, was because they almost felt as if she was not breathing for 3 hours or so. It was a different experience from the person who stopped breathing and the person who watched the person lose his or her breath. Naru believes, it's more terrifying for the latter.
"Naru?" Mai asked leaning down at the man who had his eyes closed. "Are you sleeping?"
Naru slightly opened his eyes to look at the girl in front of him. It was amazing how she grew with him and Lin for the past few months, or was it years. She was still thin. Her auburn hair still glistened as the sun passes through them. Her skin, still porcelain white as ever, and her lips….
Eh?!! Naru stopped.
Wait. That was…
Naru mentally shook his head, bopped himself on his desk, and shouted to himself "idiot" for thinking such ideas towards his assistant. It may appear as if he did not move at all, but he was undergoing a mental struggle with his id—or the part of him that was pure intuition and irrationalities, versus his ego—or the more rational part. Somehow the superego—his conscience, refuses to even butt in the mental struggle.
"Naru?" Mai was a bit worried. Who wouldn't be? Naru, the normal one, would have already told her off by then.
Something similar to this…
"I am thinking can't you see?
"I am reflecting on the case. Thank you for the tea. You may go."
"Do you need something else?"
But well, none of those seemed to be the situation right now. Her boss was stone silent. It was definitely weird. She leaned forward and Naru immediately turned to the side and she pulled back quickly. The scene went in a flash. One second Naru was staring into space and Mai was leaning forward, the next Mai was near the door and Naru was standing near her.
Mai felt her breath caught up her throat. True. There were some instances that she dreamt of this situation and even more, but somehow she believed that the dream that had those kinds were her fantasies only. But now, Naru stood a good three to five steps away from her and looked a little shy.
Naru on the other hand didn't really understand what happened. When he saw Mai leaning towards him, he suddenly had the urge to stand up and embrace her. So his body suddenly moved on its own and then stood up which surprised the girl and she went straight to the door.
Her expression was that of surprise. Her eyes were her windows to her soul and it looked like she wanted to ask something but dare not to. Naru thought of a way to actually escape the situation but then again, what sort of excuse could he come up by suddenly standing up and trying to go after her? He looked like a freaking stalker for a few moments there.
Mai felt as if she could hear her own heartbeat. She did not know what she was feeling. She felt as if she was a bit excited, afraid, confused, nervous… She honestly did not know. She looked straight to Naru and saw him looking at the side. His head tilted a little sideways with his slight frown. His eyes were a bit different. It was still stiff and cold, but it seems that there is something else there. She did not know what it is and would rather not know. She closed her eyes to throw away her irrelevant ideas.
Then all of a sudden, a warm hand landed on top of her head. Her eyes widened. She looked up and saw Naru looking straight but his hand rested on top of her head. She was surprised to say the least. Naru seemed to be debating against himself before starting to talk.
There was silence for a while before a male voice broke the calm.
"It'll be alright." Naru reassured. His voice was low and deep. It was as if he was a little 'shy' when he said it too.
Mai looked up, totally surprised with what she heard him say. His hand wasn't moving from its position over her head. Naru looked down, this time his eyes were different. It was almost the same as the Naru that she often sees in her dreams. He looked like the Naru that always told her to watch out, who always taught her to do things right, who gave her warnings at times that she was in danger, and the Naru that always reassured her in her most desperate times.
This Naru is doing that.
The Naru that she sees when she's awake.
The Naru that she fell in love with.
She felt her cheeks flame up with the proximity. The intense gaze that Naru gave her sent chills down her spine that she felt her knees almost near to breaking point. She felt so weak on the knees and she wanted to simply fall down the ground. She could not even begin to comprehend as to why Naru is doing this now.
It this some sort of show, performance, joke, or whatever?
She did not know.
Her thoughts were broken off when Naru spoke again.
"It's really terrifying to experience death." Naru explained. "I understand that you must have been very afraid after we informed you of the time that you stopped breathing."
"Mai, don't worry so much about it. You are alive and that is good."
"Yes." Mai nodded, feeling a bit sad again. "But, I was really scared. I don't know what I should do. I'm afraid to go back to sleep, thinking that I would experience the same thing. And then next time I would not even be able to wake up anymore."
Naru listened carefully. Mai continued to share her sentiments and her frustrations.
"I don't want to die." Mai muttered softly, feeling very vulnerable. "I still want to do a lot of things…"
Naru looked down. He knew that she was scared that she stopped breathing, but he did not realize that it already went this far.
"How many times have you dreamt the same dream?" Naru asked, pulling back his hand. Mai felt the sudden gush of cold wind in the place where Naru placed his hand.
Somehow a feeling of disappointment went to her heart.
"Two." Mai replied. Her head bowed down. "I thought that it was nothing. Then…"
"It became worse." Naru continued. Mai simply nodded.
"I didn't know that I stop breathing during those times that I get those dreams. I'm afraid." Mai embraced herself, as if trying to shield herself from unseen enemies. "The feeling of dying is different."
"I don't want to die Naru!" Mai looked up to him, her eyes pleading for help. She did not know why she did that, but her instincts just suddenly took over and she blurted out her frustrations.
"I still want to be happy. I want to experience so much more. I want to see the world. I want to be successful." Mai's voice quivered. She could feel that tears were starting to well up in her eyes and she felt like she wanted to cry.
She was holding back. Trying not to breakdown in front of her boss.
Naru nodded. He understood her fear, knew exactly what she meant. So he suddenly placed both his hands on each of her shoulders. It successfully made her stop and look at him. His piercing blue eyes stared down to her hazel colored orbs. Naru nodded and spoke.
"I understand." He paused then continued. "Mai. I know."
"But…" Mai wanted to counter but was cut off.
"I will protect you." Naru continued. He appeared as if he was taken aback with his own words. He bravely made a follow-up.
"We will protect you." Naru made a lame follow-up.
Mai felt happy at the same time disappointed. A smile came out of her lips and she looked up and gave a slight nod.
"Thank you." Mai appreciated this one. Deep in her heart, she felt really happy with this conversation. But something was bothering her, even for the slightest bit. So she decided to ask instead of making it stay as a part of her thoughts.
"Naru…" Mai smiled. "Why are you…being nice?"
Naru simply smiled slightly but did not answer. He simply went back to his seat and sat back down looking through his papers. He looked up and saw that Mai was expecting an answer to her question. He honestly wished that he could simply go by not answering that question. But true enough, he's not really going to get off the hook that easily.
So he decided to answer. An answer that he would normally give…
"No one will make tea for me." Naru pulled up one notebook. "Let's get back to work"
Mai pouted slightly.
"Wah! You're mean!" Mai shouted and Naru smiled a little.
But for her, that experience a while ago, hearing those words from him was enough to brighten up her day. Although the end was lousy, she would feel a little better than a while ago. She simply nodded and proceeded to go out of the room.
Naru watched her make a polite bow and exit the room. When the door closed, he placed the notebook down and looked at the door. He sighed. This sigh was so heavy as if he was holding it since the conversation with Mai started.
He looked up and closed his eyes again.
It was definitely different to think about saying something and felt like saying something. Thinking and Feeling were two different things. Thoughts and emotions are what made a human different than that of an animal.
And in this case, thoughts were used instead of emotions. So the words that came out of his mouth were something that his brain agreed for him to say and yet his heart criticized him for that.
The question that Mai asked a while ago came back to him…
"Naru…" Mai smiled. "Why are you…being nice?"
He sighed again.
He did not answer as truthfully as possible. But he wanted to give her at least a piece of reassurance. However, he felt slightly disappointed at himself for not being able to say the thing that he wanted to say at that time.
When he watched her leave, he felt as if he wanted to say it. But it was too late.
This time he answered truthfully.
"Because, I won't take it that I would lose another person who is important to me…"
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