Title: My Heart
Author: Isabelle Malfoy Potter Snape
Summary: Harry comes to Severus after three years apart to ask him to be allowed to formally court Severus.
Authors Notes: This is part of a series and the fourth story.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does, so please don't sue!
Feedback: Always welcome!
I don't want another pretty faceI don't want just anyone to holdI don't want my love to go to wasteI want you and your beautiful soul
"Potter what the hell are you on about!" Severus Snape exclaimed as he stared angrily at Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived-twice and defeater of Voldemort sighed as the man he loved paced back and forth across the floor on Severus' private chambers. He had just confessed to the resident potions master that he was in love with him and wanted to formally court him.
Harry knew that even though they no longer hated each other, courting Severus was not going to be easy, but Harry was determined. He had known since his seventh year when they had killed Voldemort that he was in love with the sarcastic bitter potions master. And Harry had also known then that throwing himself at Severus as soon as he had graduated would have been a grave error.
Harry had been sure that year that Severus loved him. And Harry had also been sure that Severus would never admit it or act on his feelings. Severus had just been freed from a twenty year nightmare, he was raw, hurt, jaded and too scared to risk his heart on Harry. Harry understood that Severus thought he was giving Harry freedom by not saying anything, afraid that Harry would reject and destroy him.
So Harry had waited, aware that he had to go out into the world and be with others, to show Severus just how sure he was about what he wanted from his ex-professor. Harry and Albus, Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry where Severus taught, had talked extensively about the best way to approach Severus after the second year of separation had passed.
Harry had decided that a courtship would be the best way to go about convincing Severus. Just because Severus was a half-blood didn't mean that he was any less a traditionalist when it came to wizarding customs. It had been three years since Harry graduated and Harry knew it was time. He had gone out; dated three people seriously, and played quidditch professionally for the Chudley Cannons. Harry knew he could no longer be away from Severus.
I know that you are something specialTo you I'd be always faithfulI want to be what you always neededThen I hope you'll see the heart in me
"Potter, you can not be serious about…" Severus never finished because Harry interrupted in a calm voice, "Yes I am. Severus, I have loved you since my seventh year, but I knew you would never have taken me then. So I went out into the world to live, to learn, and to see if you were really what I wanted."
Harry took a deep breath as his heart began to pound fiercely and said "It's been three years Sev, I know what I want, and I want you… forever. You need to know up front I want it all, marriage, a home of our own… and children."
Severus stared at Harry in amazement as very part of his body screamed that he take what Harry was offering. Severus had been in love with Harry since his seventh year but had only truly acknowledged it the day that Harry left Hogwarts. Severus had seen, had known that Harry was in love with him, but refused to act. Because Harry had needed a chance to live free for the first time in his life. And Severus had believed then secretly in his heart that if Harry truly loved him he would come back to Hogwarts, back home, back to him.
So Severus had watched as his heart had left with Harry. And just because he let Harry go didn't mean they hadn't stayed in touch. No, they had owled each other weekly with updates and little tidbits. Severus had known that Harry considered Hogwarts his home and Severus had made sure that Harry knew what was going on in the place he loved so much.
It had been as much for Harry as it had been for Severus, knowing that this way he had a way to keep talking to the man that owned his heart. Still, even now Severus was still reluctant to give into the desire and need that thrummed through them both. Severus was twenty years his senior and an ex-deatheater, what the hell could Harry truly want with him?
Am I crazy for wanting you?Maybe do you think you could want me too?I don't wanna waste your timeDo you see things the way I do?I just wanna know that you feel it tooThere is nothing left to hide
No, he had let Harry go because Harry deserved someone better than a shriveled up old man. Severus had no misconceptions of whom and what he was. He was a cruel, old, and while he was not as mean as he had been during the war, he still favored the Slytherins because no one else would. His life had been shaped by pain, heartache, and more pain. What could he possibly give to Harry? Nothing, and so denying Harry was for the best.
Obviously the three years Harry had been away form Hogwarts had not been enough. But even as Severus knew that denying Harry was the right thing to do, his heart and soul wanted nothing more than to take Harry, claim as his own for the world to see, and do just what Harry wanted, children and all. But Severus was known for doing what was right regardless of emotions that were to the contrary, and he would do what was best for Harry by letting him go again.
Harry saw it, all the self sacrificing bullshit that Severus was going to pull and he was having none of it. Damn it he had left for three years and while he had had fun, a piece of him had been missing the entire time; the piece of himself that he had left with Severus, knowing that one day he would come back for it. He was not going to let Severus pull the 'you deserve better' song and dance. He had gone out, learned liked he knew his lover wanted him to, and had still come back. Didn't that count for something? For everything?
"No Severus," Harry said shaking his head as he slowly walked up to Severus and took his face in his hands. "No more, don't do this. I knew you would react this way; thinking that you still have to let me go. You don't, you did the honorable thing but now it's time to surrender gracefully my love. No more; you've torn yourself up over this, it's time to stop thinking and feel."
You might need time to think it overBut I'm just fine moving forwardI'll ease your mindIf you give me the chanceI will never make you cry c'mon let's try
Harry smiled as he maneuvered Severus to his couch to sit before he continued, "You've even cried over this, don't deny it. Albus has been keeping me up to date on what's been going on with you. Albus knows and approves Sev. You did the right thing letting me go the first time but no more. No longer will I allow you to hurt over this, not when I feel the same way. Let go, let me love you… please."
Severus shook his head no even as his body relaxed into Harry. Severus sighed as he allowed himself a moment of weakness, a moment of knowing true peace for the first time in forty-two years of life. "Potter you have said your piece now I will say mine. I have loved you for over three years. That being said, you are right I did let you go because you needed to explore, to see what was out there. If you are sure about this I will consent to a courtship with two extra conditions."
Harry looked down at Severus waiting, "One, no sex what so ever until the night we bond. My body has been used by too many people for me to give it to you before we bond. Two our courtship will be six months extra, if… if you truly want this than you will wait. That's all… if you can abide by those, then in a year and a half, I will gladly bond with you."
Harry lips gently brushed against Severus's forehead as he said, "Done." Severus who had tensed up when he had first started relaxed and once again melted into Harry. "Are… are you sure?" Severus asked with a frown. Harry smiled gently and said, "Yeah I am. I love you Severus, if I have to I'll wait forever for you. I want you for the rest of my life. I can wait."
Harry gently pushed Severus off him and went to his bag, coming back to the couch he took Severus into his arms again as he gave him a single sheet of paper. Severus choked in shock and said, "Potter…Harry… you wrote this out?" Harry snickered and said, "Yes I did. I know how traditional you are love. Are you going to read it now?" Severus shook his head and said, "Later, I'm rather enjoying the way we are right now."
Harry shook his head but tightened his arms all the same as they sat in peace. Harry was quiet happy with how things had turned out and Severus just reflecting on how no one ever stood a chance against Harry when he got ideas in his head. The fact that Harry had written down the courtship ritual showed just how serious he was and suddenly Severus knew that they would be married. The idea of never being alone again was an appealing one and Severus eyes closed as he thought that his heart was finally home.
I want you and your soulI don't want another pretty faceI don't want just anyone to holdI don't want my love to go to wasteI want you and your beautiful soul
AN: Thanks for reading. I am putting these stories for this series out of order. This the fourth story in the series. Thanks for reading!