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Summary: The phone never rings, Jake and Bella kiss. A JB relationship explored.
Precious Time; Chapter One
I don't want to argue about who is the victim
Cause maybe we both got burned.
I don't want to talk about who is the traitor
Cause both of our loyalties turned.
I don't want to fight about who is the liar
Cause there's too many ways to lie.
I don't want to hear about who is the winner
Cause we both know it's a tie.
When Jake's lips touched mine the experience was something I wasn't expecting. They were incredibly warm on mine, a sensation that was unfamiliar and yet unbelievably welcoming.
The hole inside my chest was filling up, I could feel the sides being sewn back together as Jake pulled me closer his hands now cupping my neck and cheeks. It was as if the hole was never there, like it would never come back no matter what. The heat spread through me, as much as I wanted to continue the kiss I couldn't, "Jake, I don't know."
When I looked up at him his eyes looked fresh, like the way the greenery always looked after a good, long clean rain, but disappointment clouded over them as he saw that was unsure of our current predicament.
"He's not coming back, Bells," his too warm hands brushed hair out of my face.
I knew that, He was never coming back. He didn't care about me anymore, "I know, Jake," his arms were still on mine and even though I felt it was wrong I leaned into his embrace, he willingly held me there.
"Then stop pretending He his, He's not here, Bells, but I am," there was truth in what he said, too much truth. "That kiss, did you feel that?" I had felt that, the feeling had been amazing and yet I didn't like it. The disappearing sore meant that He truly was gone and the worst part was the lack of pain meant I was okay with that.
But I couldn't be okay with it, could I?
My voice was quiet and stuck in my throat when I spoke, "Yeah, I felt that," I paused, looking directly in front of me, I spoke to his chest, "It was nice," I saw his chest heave with contained laughter, not believing my lie, "Okay, it was more than nice."
"Than don't deny it Bella, we can be together," he tipped my head up and looked into my eyes, I felt as if they were trying to dig into my soul. I looked away; I didn't want him to see into my soul. Not right now.
A part of me did want to be with Jake, to feel loved again. To know that I had someone I could turn to when I needed to talk, someone who would listen to me. I knew that Jake could be that person, I also knew I couldn't be that person for him. And I tried to tell him that.
"Jake, I can't be there for you. Not fully, never one hundred per cent. It's not fair to you, a part of me-" my voice broke and the tears escaped from my eyes, "A part of me is still His, it still belongs to Edward," I broke out into sobs as I said his name and Jake held me close.
He brought me over to the couch and wrapped his arms around my entire body, cradling me in his too warm embrace. The feeling of being needed by someone was strong in the room and the aroma made me feel guilty; I wanted so desperately to give into him. To be with Jake and to begin my life again, but it just wouldn't be fair to him. It wouldn't be fair to deprive him of a whole person.
Because that's what I wasn't, I wasn't complete. When he left me in the woods a part of me stayed there and here I was now, mangled and incomplete, "I want to make you whole again, Bella. I want to do that for you. Let me do that for you," he brushed the tears off my face, his warmth making the tears seem searing hot, "You can't live the rest of your life like this. It'll kill you and if you push me away, I won't be there to save you the next time."
His face was peering into mine and it was hard to remember the reasons why I just couldn't be with him. But the fact was, that they were poor reasons. They were excuses really; did I have hope that he would return? Because Jake was right, He was never coming back. Because he didn't care about me, he didn't love me. He took my heart, held it carefully and when he was through with it, he it ripped into shreds in front of my face.
And here was Jake, willing to take me as I was, broken and in desperate need of mending, and he wanted to fix the whole that he created. Jake wanted to fix my heart and I was going to let him. I had to at least try, "Maybe, Jake, but I can't promise you anything," I gave him a smile, "I don't know if I can be fixed."
"Well, I want to help you find out."
"Sure," I could give him at least that. I owed him at least that. I could give him a chance, maybe it would do me good, start fresh. Jake and I may not be the real thing, but he was there for me and that's what mattered.
I sighed, "Charlie will be home soon," I commented. I had lost track of time, but Harry had said he would be home before seven and it was already getting dark outside, "You might want to be home for your father," the feeling of Jake's hand running through my hair was unnerving and yet I didn't want him to stop. But I let my common sense speak, "He probably doesn't want to be alone."
I could feel Jake's posture crumble beneath me, "You're right. Walk me to my car?"
"Yeah," I got up first, our hands still connected. We reached his car in silence and he turned around expectantly, "Um, Jake, do you think I could come over tomorrow? To talk?"
"Of course," another awkward silence ensued.
"Um, do you want me to call fir-" his lips were on mine and the warm feeling from before spread through me. His lips were on fire, even in the cold outside, I was wrapped in his embrace, my arms on his chest, it was like insulation. When he pulled back his smile was brighter then the porch light, the only light I could see.
"You don't need to call first," he smiled and kissed the top of my head, "Good night, Bells."
My head was floating above the clouds as my stomach played with dolphins in the Pacific. Despite this, I slept well.