I Can Write Canon Better Than You
As the winds passed across the blushing heavens, delicately caressing rising clouds and falling sunbeams…
Caleb: Wait, what are you doing?
Seniya: Um, Caleb…you're a fictional character that I haven't even written into my story yet. How can you possibly be talking to me?
Caleb: Well, you write canon now, and it is a known fact that canon writers possess the powers to converse with cartoon characters, and sometimes a couple of the people that have been killed off on LOST.
Mr. Echo: What are you doing…
Seniya: Well, this is amazing!
Caleb: No, say it like you ship something with proof…
Seniya: Oh right. Um, like ZOMG, WTF!! ROTFL! SPAZZES AND DIES
Caleb: That's an improvement. Now, like I was asking, what's with the blushing skies and…
Seniya: Oh, that…that's my trademark, you know. I usually write a paragraph before each story, describing the setting, you know to get the readers into really romantic mood.
Caleb: Uh, huh…
Seniya: Plus, it makes people think that I'm smart.
Caleb: Are you smart?
Seniya: Not particularly…
Caleb: Then why pretend? Just get onto the plot…you don't need fancy setting descriptions once you ship canon. The writers for the show have already given you that, you can just copy the plot from your favourite book or movie and it'll be good enough. Hell, most people take thirty minutes to write a chapter for a canon fic.
Seniya: Really, because when I was a crack shipper a chapter took me days to finish sometimes…
Caleb: That's why canon shippers are better than you. So, now what movie do you like.
Seniya: Well, the last movie that I watched was TMNT. You could be Michelangelo!
Caleb: You aren't going to make this easy are you? Just do Titanic.
Seniya: Okay, well, we'll have to stop this now, because you're not really allowed to post fics in this style.
Seniya: Oh no. Also you're not supposed to write pointless essays or rants either, you could have your account deleted.
Caleb: Wow, that's really good to know.
Cornelia Michelle Lucy Helena Orangina Banana Gagagolia Aurora Caroline Emily Hale was perfect. And I don't mean like really good looking—I mean perfect. She was, smart, kind, funny, beautiful etc. She was the girl that all the guys wanted and the girl that all of the other girls wanted to be…
"Sigh," Amanda sighed.
Amanda was a maid, and she was not perfect. But Cornelia was always nice to her because Cornelia was perfect and nice. And rich, we can't forget that. They had been best friends since like forever, ever since Cornelia's mother (who is totally overbearing, but more on that laterz, lol) had given Cornelia her as a present when she had turned 6. She had also given Cornelia a pair of shoes, a hairbrush, a unicorn and a castle in the mystical land of Nor.
But Cornelia had taken really good care of her, and had always shared her clothes, unicorn and toys with her. Sometimes, Amanda felt jealous, but she'd never say anything.
She pulled at her long white hair with yellow polka dots before sighing again. Amanda liked sighing, and so did it very often. In fact she sighed the most when the author couldn't think of anything for her to say.
Cornelia was also the most beautiful woman in the world. She knew this because when she'd been twelve they had lined up all the women in the world and then decided that she was the best looking. She also could speak ninety different languages and had a pet Dinosaur called Haurinela.
"What's wrong?" Cornelia had been reading Romeo And Juliet, in the complete, unabridged version, but she stopped when she heard her best friend sighing.
"Oh nothing…" Amanda began, hating how Cornelia's eyes had two different colours; one was blue and the other a haunting grey. "I was just thinking that it's so awful that you refused the King of England's marriage proposal. It would have been sooo nice to live in that castle."
Cornelia shook her head in disagreement. While she did so, her long feather light golden hair tumbled about her like a golden shower, "I will only marry for love. Love is the greatest thing in the world. And besides…I want something…that is," She paused dramatically whilst staring out of the Mercedes window at the sky dreamily, "I want something that is written in the stars (written in the stars is copyrighted by the CxC ship and may not be used by any other crack shippers so nyah)."
Amanda sighed as her bff spoke, watching in sheer amazement as the sky became pure white and Cornelia farted glitter out of her ass, whilst pulling out her violin from nowhere and playing Mozart.
Caleb was also perfect. But in a more rugged way. He was a gansta. He had seen his parents die when he was two and then killed the bastard who'd done it by age 7. With a gun. It had made him jaded and lonely. He didn't trust anyone and when people offered him kindness, he'd take it to his dark place (Dark place is copyrighted by the CxC ship and cannot be used by y'all).
And more importantly, he had a nice ass.
And a scar that took up half of his face (like Zuko from Avatar:TLA, but not so big, like ZOMG). And he was really muscular and he dressed in really hot clothes to show off his body etc.
He also spoke in true gangsta language, and even though it was 1912 and Vanilla Ice hadn't introduced it yet, he was a white boy rapper. And spoke as such.
"Yo homes, this place be off the chain!"
He was referring to his male bff, Kevin, who was not as cool as Caleb, but had helped him throughout the years because he was loyal and stuff. Also he was the only person who Caleb trusted. But not really.
He was referring to the boat. The Titanic was huge and had four white stick thingies coming from the top of it, also it was blue and white and red and yellow (Oh, just watch the movie y'all. Lol). Caleb was poor since his rap career hadn't blown up yet, so he was in third class, he was shared a tiny room, with two bunk beds and a toilet with these other guys. But Caleb didn't talk to them, in fact when one of them asked if he liked puppies and happy things, he scowled at them. And Kevin knew that he'd gone off to his dark place.
Cornelia however had a really big room. The biggest on the ship and she decorated it with all sorts of musical instruments and rare paintings that she had bought whilst she was saving the Orient from flood and hunger.
Cornelia's mother, (OMG y'all, um what's Cornelia's mother's name? I dunno, I'm gonna call her Amy okay? But if that's wrong tell me and I'll change it asap :)) Amy didn't like fancy paintings and musical instruments. She couldn't understand Cornelia's artistic soul, and so sometimes she treated Cornelia unfairly even though deep down she loved her.
And besides, she too was upset that Cornelia had rejected the proposal from the King Of England. Because she was also greedy and wanted money and crowns and jewellery and stuff…etc.
She told Cornelia to take down the magical violins that she hanging from the ceiling but Cornelia had refused.
"I am sick of you telling me what to do!" Cornelia had yelled dramatically, her beautiful voice echoing all across the ship, Cornelia was also a multi platinum-selling singer, but she wasn't singing today, "I want to live my own life! I want a life that is mine!" And at that point the author smiled smugly because she had recalled a really passionate line from Memoirs Of A Geisha. But she'd take all credit for it if no one realized.
Cornelia ran outside, it was dark now and she decided she wanted to kill herself by jumping off of the boat. No one understood her, she wanted to die. But a deep, masculine voice stopped her, "Stop." Said a deep masculine voice.
Cornelia turned around to look at the man but moved her hands and fell, she was clinging from the side of the boat.
She screamed and kicked, but luckily, Caleb (deep masculine voice) had reflexes of a cat since he'd been dodging bullets since he was 3. Caleb pulled her off the side of the boat with ease since Cornelia although being five eleven only weighed 105 pounds even though she ate a lot and was still a perfect size 2.
Cornelia landed on top of Caleb and looked into his deep green eyes and instantly fell in love.
Caleb looked into Cornelia' blue eye and the one grey one and instantly fell in love
It was love at first sight. (Love at first sight is copyrighted by the CxC fanbase).
After that they were inseparable. Even though he was poor and she was rich they found out that they didn't have anything in common, but that didn't matter because opposites attract and they were written in the stars.
Sometimes Caleb would rap to her, "Cornelia, I feel ya, I want to see ya naked a."
It was very romantic.
Cornelia had gotten past Caleb's dark place and so they had sex in a car in the bottom of the boat, (but I'm not gonna write the lemon because I'm only 9).
But it was still hard for Caleb to admit that his love to Cornelia and for Cornelia vice versa.
So they decided to think in italics to figure it out.
"I love Caleb, but does he love me. Even though I'm perfect in every way, I'm really down to earth and vulnerable."
MEANWHILE WITH CALEB
"Yo, I'm feeling Cornelia, she be tight and her body be banging! But I feel like I can't let her in to my dark place, y'all feeling me, but I done tapped her coochie so now what. Yo I hope dat ho be on the pill!"
But they managed to overcome their differences because they loved each other so much, even without saying it to each other. They were just that deep.
But Amanda was still very secretly jealous of Cornelia. Last night he had taken her dancing and taught her how to shake it like a saltshaker and then to drop it like it's hot. And poor Amanda had been left in the large room all alone.
And now she was mad. SO she decided to change out of her disguise and become Nerissa. (OMFG plot twist!)
She then used her powers to create an iceberg to sink the ship so that CxC would die.
But luckily, Cornelia, because she was also psychic, saw it coming and managed to warn all the passengers and to get them onto boats, which although they were, historically, not enough, in this story they had three left over, and were very roomy. Cornelia's boat even had a Jacuzzi and a built in 50" inch plasma TV.
But, oh noes! Cornelia dropped her incredibly rare orange diamond necklace that her daddy had given her before he died into the water. And Caleb dove in to get in, momentarily forgetting that since there were no beaches in the Bronx, he couldn't swim. So he drowned.
Cornelia knew that she couldn't live without her lurve, so she jumped in and drowned too. But the dead bodies intertwined at the bottom of the ocean and can still be seen so today (OMG tear jerker!).
A HUNDRED YEARS LATER IN 2007
Cornelia…"Hi, I'm Cornelia…do I know you…" She looked at the handsome rebel leader in front of her.
"Yo I ain't truly feeling you, but I feel like I done knowed you son."
"It's like…I dunno…we were meant to be together (meant to be together is copyrighted by the CxC ship, not the WxC ship, who up until now has never used it to describe their coupling…hmmm…interesting.)"
Author: This really wasn't meant to offend anyone, well not really, maybe it was meant to offend a few people; I just decided to do this after reading some of the stuff that's been posted over the last few weeks. It's supposed to be funny…
Because guys, let's face it, shipping is fun and all, but let's not let it take over our lives. Certainly, I'd rather have my ovaries removed through my rectum than deal with CxC, but I'm not about to go warring because people like it. W.I.T.C.H. is a very poorly written cartoon made for the amusement of 10 year olds and monkeys. The characters are fictional and if Will and Caleb hook up or not, it won't change the fate of the world.
Let's all just get along…Starting September. Because as a person who has wasted a good few months typing WillxCaleb fics, I'm insulted. And let's face it kiddies (and you know who you are), you fucked with the wrong ship. And you have no one to blame but yourself for the hell that you've unleashed.
That being said. Review please!
EDIT: I do know what Cornelia's mothers name is and I didn't bother to correct any mistakes to give this a more, I'm nine and can't write yet kinda feel. Thanks for telling me these things though guys, you're too sweet.