Sometimes I'm a selfish fake.
You're always a true friend.
I don't deserve you 'cause I'm not there for you.
Please forgive me again...

"Ten years, I wonder if she'll forgive me. I wonder if she still loves me. I want to know that I haven't screwed up entirely. I know I left her, but I was selfish, I'm always selfish. Doesn't she know that? I hope she knows that! God, I hope I'm not too late," I said to Isabel.

"George, there is something I have to tell you. It's important, and I feel bad that I'm telling you this; especially since we're heading back to Japan. You see, about a year ago Miwako sent me an email, Carrie is…well…she is…engaged!" Isabel said.

I felt my heart break, again. I couldn't believe it, I'm too late. "Why didn't you tell me then? If you would have told me then I wouldn't have came back! I only came back! Damn it," I shouted slamming my fist on the ship railing.

"I'm sorry George," Isabel said, rubbing my back. I shook her off.

I left her there by herself on the deck, and headed back to my cabin, to cry myself to sleep.

That night, I dreamt the same dream I've had for the past two months this dream is the reason why I decided to come back.

"George!" Yukari shouted as I came off the boat.

"Yukari," I said as I ran up and hugged her. "I'm sorry for leaving you, but I'm back now, I'm here. I won't leave you, I can't leave you again. I'm sorry if I messed up your life," I said apologizing, saying everything that I wanted to say since I left.

"George, it's alright," she told me.

My dream became lucid.

"Why are you getting married? Who are you marrying? WHY?" I shouted as I took control of my dream.

"I'm sorry I couldn't wait. You didn't call me, I couldn't contact you, I'm sorry," she said.

I woke up, tears streaming down my face, I rubbed them away, and I couldn't believe what was happening. Married…why? I said to myself still lying on my bed.

"George, we're here," Isabella said as she poked her head into my room.

"Wait, when is the wedding?" I asked, my voice cracking as the pain crept back to my heart.

"Two weeks from yesterday," she said as she left me to get ready. I lay in my bed for a couple of minutes, and then dragged myself out of bed. I had to be strong for Yukari I couldn't ruin her happiness again. I wanted to go to the wedding, so I need to pretend as if I'm alright with this.

I want to be there for you...

Someone you can come to...
It runs deeper than my bones...

I want to be there for you.

After returning to Japan, and seeing everyone again I felt better. Miwako was her bubbly self, she hadn't changed, and she and Arashi were engaged. I was happy for them. I kept beating around the bush until Arashi finally answered the question for me.

"She's marrying Tokumori Hiro. Do you remember him?" Arashi asked me while he pulled Miwako closer to him.

"No, I don't remember him," I answered, and then it clicked.

"Are you going to answer that? It was probably that boy who you were with," I said while I walked up the stairs leaving her there.

"Tokumori doesn't even have my number," she told me.

I sat on the chair staring off into space pretending I was paying attention to all of the conversations that were going on in the room I was more focused on the mind numbing pain that I was letting myself fall into.

"George I got an invitation, and I can bring a date, do you want to go with me?" Isabella asked me as I slowly snapped out of the trance I was in.

"What? Oh, sure," I said, with no feeling in my voice.

The next week flew by Isabella came to check up on me, and brought over a tuxedo for me to wear to the wedding. I kept walking around my old condo and all of the good memories kept swarming in my head. I didn't try to stop these memories; I knew that I had put Yukari through more; even though she was able to move on.

Finally the wedding day was here, Isabella came to pick me up two hours before the ceremony. I was prepared for anything; I wanted to talk to Yukari just once before she swore herself to someone else. But I couldn't, I didn't want to change her mind; I shook my head. She won't changer her mind for me, I said to myself, no matter how much I wish she would.

Swirling shades of blue
slow dancing in your sky,
The sun kisses the earth
and I hush my urge to cry.

"George, are you ready?" Isabella asked me as we got out of the car.

"No, but I want to go, I want to see her," I said to her, trying to hide the tears that were starting to come.

"I'm really sorry George," she said to me as we walked up the church steps.

We took awhile to find seats; we were trying to find Arashi and Miwako they were supposed to have come early to get good seats. Of course they sat on the bride's side. I was shocked; I had thought they were friends with the groom.

"Arashi, Miwako," Isabella greeted them; I just smiled as we sat down. Three rows back; not good, she would see me, I didn't want her to see me, I had to see her without her seeing me! I should have told them this, but I couldn't. I sat there content with everything, my leg bouncing with anxiety, as Tokumori stood up front. I couldn't believe that he was getting my Yukari, my love. Even though I know I screwed up, I still couldn't let her go. GROW UP! I shouted to myself.

The music started to play and everyone turned toward the doors to watch the bride walk in. I didn't want to look, I couldn't look, and it would hurt too much. I closed my eyes and turned this way I wouldn't seem rude.

I shouldn't have closed my eyes; all of the memories came flooding back again. Starting with the first time I saw her face in her student I.D book, to when I last saw her before I left. I started to cry, these tears hurt. They made me feel as if every tear that came out of my eyes was my soul, my heart, my life. I gasped for breath and turned around to put my head in my hands and cry like the little baby that I am.

"George, are you alright?" Isabella asked me in a very quiet voice, so as to not let anyone else hear her.

"NO!" I whispered back to her my voice cracking as the tears began to pour down. I couldn't stand it anymore this was way too much. I shouldn't have come; I should have told Isabella to find another date!

"George, do you want to leave?" she asked me as she handed me her handkerchief.

"Yes, but I can't, I have to stay," I said wiping my eyes, I slowly sat back up and watched the ceremony.

When the priest came to the 'if anyone thinks that these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold you peace,' I had to hold my peace. I wasn't going to ruin this; I wasn't going ruin her life again. As soon as the two were married and once they left, I ran out of the church and headed to the car.

I waited for Isabella to come to the car so she could take me home.

"George," she said.

"Take me home, you can go to the reception by yourself, I'm sorry," I said to her.

"No, you're going!" Isabella said as she started the car and drove in the direction of the reception.

My mouth opened in complete awe. It was the restaurant that Yukari and I went to when we first started going out. I couldn't let myself read too much into this, it was a coincidence, that's all! I told myself.

"Isabella," I started.

"George! I don't want to hear it. You're going in there with me, no questions!" she shouted at me.

I didn't argue, I got out of the car and waited for Isabella to get out. We walked in and standing by the entrance was Yukari, and her husband. I took a deep breath, and put on a smile. It was of happiness, I wanted to see her, and she looked great.

"Congratulations Yukari!" I said as I bowed in respect.

"George," she said with a hint of pain in her voice.

"Yes, congratulations," Isabella said as she hugged Yukari.

"Yukari, how have you been? Stupid question, good obviously you're married now," I said, the tears beginning to come back into my eyes. She slowly walked up to e and gave me a hug.

I want to be there for you...
Someone you can come to...
It runs deeper than my bones...
I want to be there for you

I gently squeezed her back; I had waited for this moment, when we embraced again. But I wanted it to lead to a kiss, and some replays in the bedroom. But no, it just leads to a hug.

"I've missed you," she whispered to me.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," I told her as I let he go, and bowed again to the happy couple and walked into the reception hall.

I played with my food as the night went on, I couldn't watch anyone. All of the happiness that was going on in the room was making me sick. The happy couple's first dance was even harder to stomach, I had to run to the bathroom and cry some more.

Finally we cold leave, I couldn't wait to get home, and wallow in my own self pity. I once again paid my respects and left. Isabella stayed longer and talked to Yukari and Tokumori some more. I waited in the car with my head resting against the window and my eyes closed, I couldn't look at the restaurant anymore. Its memories were now tainted by the party. After waiting for ten minutes Isabella finally came in the car.

Cause I hear the whispered words
in your masterpiece, beautiful...
You speak the unspeakable through...
I love you too.

"About time Isabella, I was getting anxious," I said my head still resting on the window.

"George," that wasn't Isabella.

My eyes shot open as I looked to see Yukari sitting next to me.

"Go back to your husband, you're wasting your joy on me," I told her.

"I love you, always have. If I would have known you were coming back I would have waited. But for ten years, not one word! Nothing! There is nothing worse than not hearing from the one that you love, the one that you want, and need!" she shouted at me crying.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted you to be happy," I started.

"Shut up George! I was only ever happy with you! You saved me from becoming my mother's android! You showed me what I wanted, and you left me!" she said.

"You could have taken any modeling jobs that you wanted in Paris! I kept hoping that you would! I kept calling the agency you were at for you to model for my new lines! But they said that you always refused! I figured you hated me!" I shouted back at her, crying now.

"They never told me it was for you! If I would have known I would have taken those jobs! I waited for you George! I waited for a phone call, a letter, an email! ANYTHING! But just like every other time, you had to wait for me! I'm tired of it! Here I am, on my wedding day, in the car with you! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" she asked me.

"Of course it does, but it's your wedding day. I can't ruin it for you. I promised myself before I left that I wasn't going to ruin or interfere with you life anymore. Unless you want me to; and if you do just tell me! I'll get the keys and we'll leave here, go anywhere you want!" I said to her as I kissed her, it felt right.

"Get the keys," she said, before she kissed me again.

I want to be there for you
and be someone you can come to
the love runs deeper than my bones
and I want to be there for you.