Nana: Normally, it wouldn't even occur to me to write about Ryuk. However, one of the readers of my L/Sachiko fic, Kids, asked me to write another bizarre crack pairing, Ryuk/Sayu. This is one-sided, and it doesn't go all that far. I didn't think it would make any sense to go futher. It took me some time to figure out a concept, but here it is. I hope everyone enjoys, especially Mort, the one to blame for all of this.

Disclaimer: All I own of Death Note is a bootleg L plushie with an inexplicably large ass.


Misery Is Interesting

By SunMoonAndSpoon


Misery is interesting.

It never has been prior to now, it's been boring and silly and not worth his time, though he'll admit he did like watching humans flip their shit over the death of someone important. He once found it amusing to watch a man die of a seizure, once found it hysterical to watch a child try and beat her mother out of being dead. But in general it's hard to watch and he doesn't care much. Now though, all he sees is maniacal laughter, plans for world domination and the like and that's old. That's boring. Ryuk no longer cares about Light's plan. Which is why he's helping him now, it's something to freakin' do.

Things change after Light's sister came back from being kidnapped. Her shutdown devastation is something new. When Light's upset he screams and flails, when Misa is she cries her eyes out, but Sayu's blank. She doesn't speak, she doesn't eat, it seems as if she hardly breathes. Motionlessness ought to bore him, but Sayu's reaction to whatever happened (did they beat her, rape her, torture her, what?) is unusual, and thus intriguing. Ryuk wants to know what she went through. Because he is bored out of his goddamned mind.


There's a problem with this, he can't talk to her. She's blind to him and deaf to him and if he gave her a piece of the Death Note she'd scream. Or stare at him, blankly. It could be funny but it wouldn't work, she wouldn't explain a thing to him. And he knows that Light won't know what she's thinking, knows he doesn't care.

So what can he do? He can watch her. He can hope that Light will go home for a moment, check up on the Yagami girls. He doesn't, but sometimes he calls them, or his father does, and for security purposes they use a video phone. And she sits there while her mother speaks.


"Light?" Ryuk mutters, waving his half-eaten apple. "You should probably go home and see your family. Normally I wouldn't give you advice, but I'm bored. There's nothing to do here, and you have video games."

Light doesn't respond, just grunts. He doesn't care what Ryuk thinks. He never has and never will, Ryuk's a tool to him. He is, in fact, a God, and so he normally wouldn't care about that, it doesn't bug him that Light's condescending. The human can't help it, but it's dull, really dull, and the only thing he thinks will help is seeing Sayu. Talking to her, mocking her, something. "Come on, Light," he whines, grabbing his shoulder and shaking it. "I want to play Super Mario Kart, you aren't even doing anything here. Let's go."

"Are you insane?!" Light snaps, staring blankly. "I might not be doing anything right this second, but that doesn't mean I don't have work. You know how busy I am, I can't believe you're bitching about video games."

Ryuk sighs, rolls his eyes. "You know Light, you wouldn't have anything you have right now if not for me. And now that they can see me, I could tell them who you are. If I wanted to. I mean it's not as if they can arrest me."

For a while Light says nothing. He stands up, walks over to the computer and types for a while, pretends to work. And then he clears his throat, says "Ryuk?"

"Yeah Light?" Ryuk says, grinning hard because he knows that he's about to get his way.

"We'll go home and visit tonight. There are some things I need to finish up, but you're right. It serves as work, really, I have to check in with Sayu and see if there's anything she knows." Light stands up again, heads out of the room. "It'd be nice if you'd stop following me," he says as he leaves. "But I guess you can't do that, right?"


They arrive at the Yagami house, Ryuk brushing the back of Light's head with his wings. Light ignores him completely, prompting Ryuk to poke him in the head and rant incessantly as he turns the key and walks inside. Ryuk hates being ignored, but he'll put up with it, he's about to see Sayu, get his entertainment fix and maybe scrounge up an apple. Maybe he will take a piece of the Death Note, or better yet use his own. He forgets sometimes that he's got that thing, that he's a God of Death and meant to do this. She might scream and be useless, but he imagines the quick kick he'd get out of watching her sulk will fade fast.

"I'm home," Light says, voice high-pitched and falsely kind. "Sorry to drop in unexpectedly, I probably should have called first." Obviously, his mom could care less, when she sees him she's smiling so hard Ryuk swears her face will split in half. Mrs. Yagami runs over and crushes her son in a hug, he looks uncomfortable so Ryuk chuckles briefly. It's not actually that funny. He's just bored.

"My god I've missed you!" she says. "You have no idea how much, Light, you need to visit more often. I know you're busy, and don't think I don't appreciate this, just please keep making an effort, okay?"

Light nods, makes promises Ryuk knows he won't keep, and then asks how Sayu's doing and if he can see her. "She's not doing too well," Mrs. Yagami says, backing off and shaking her head sadly. "She…resents you, a little, I think. I'm sure that she knows on a conscious level that it isn't your fault, but she…well she can't blame her father, he's the one who brought her back and he's her daddy. It's because she's his daughter that she was…well. You're connected, so she may be hostile towards you. Please forgive her if she is."

"If she feels that way then the best thing I can do is go see her," Light says, slipping off his shoes and making his way into the house. "The only way she'll see me as her brother instead of the cause of her trauma is if I behave like a brother and talk to her." And Mrs. Yagami's grinning like an idiot, lapping up this crap like it's candy. Ryuk cackles to himself as they head for Sayu's room.


Light walks as if he's treading holy ground, it seems he really is conscious of his sister's suffering, that this means something to him. Ryuk once took for granted that humans cared very much for one another, not as much as for themselves but they did. Light proved this wrong by being extraordinarily callous. This is fun on it's own, but if no one cares then there's no drama. Ryuk is glad to see that Sayu actually matters to this man.

Sayu is laying motionless on her bed, curled up with her face to the wall. Her headphones have fallen from her ears to her neck, but the music is loud enough that it would blow up human eardrums if she wore them. It's not good music, either, but maybe humans have different standards than Death Gods do. "Light," she mutters, sounding sick and dead. "What are you doing here…?"

"I just wanted to see you," Light says, briefly touching her shoulder before she stiffens. "You've been through a lot, I've been worried. Have you been feeling okay, Sayu?"

For a while she says nothing, just breathes loudly in and out while Light pretends to be compassionate, tries not to tap his feet. "I'm fine…" she finally says, arms wrapping around her thin, stained pillow. "You can go…now…"

"No Sayu, you're not fine," Light says, sighing with his hand to his face. "There's no possible way you could be okay after something like that. If you were, that would mean there was something wrong with your perceptions and processing abilities. You're not the happy girl you used to be, you're not…you. I think you need to talk to someone about what's happened. I'd suggest therapy, but there are certain things that shouldn't be said just yet, for legal reasons, so…you can talk to me, if you want to. You're my sister, I want to help you I…I love you, Sayu."

When he sits down to be with her Ryuk starts laughing. That was so incredibly corny, Light's lies are hilarious. He cares but not that much, all he wants to do is to pump the girl for information. Sayu shakes her head, says deadpan that no, she doesn't need to talk to anyone, especially not him. "You can go now," she says again.

"Alright," Light says, sticking fists in his pockets to hide his rage. "I'm here for you if you change your mind." And he goes striding out, heads for his room—untouched for months, Mom can't face the fact that he's moved out—and starts ranting to Ryuk about how this was a waste of time, he's never going to get anything out of that mute little bitch and he has work to do, Ryuk should understand that!

"Whatever," Ryuk shrugs. "You're here now, and you could use a break, right? When you work for days on end you get all stressed out and snippy, and you're no fun to be around. So…" He hovers over the ancient game system, picks up a controller and says, "can we play Super Mario Kart now?"


When the moon trades places with the sun, Light is sitting in the kitchen having dinner with his mom. Sayu is not with them, she's still sulking in bed by herself, and Ryuk thinks this is the perfect opportunity. He can leave Light for a moment, and Light can't question him with his smiling mother sitting there. And so he flies off to her room, not quite sure anymore why he wants to do this. But he's made a plan and it's all he's got, it'd be fun to see a cute girl screaming.

The room is dark now, and the music quieter. Sayu's breathing is steady but she isn't asleep, she's just drowning in a mental coma. Ryuk hovers around her, Death Note in hand, watching her eyes blink and her mouth wrinkle. Her lifespan is not long, and they will lose her soon, not from this but they will lose her. Ryuk almost feels bad for her, for this family, but he shakes it off, he's been spending too much time around humans. It shouldn't matter a bit to him if someone dies. "Sayu," he growls, pressing the Death Note to her chest. "Wake up."

Now that she's been touched her senses are open to him. She sits up, gapes for a moment and then she says, "please kill me. You've come to kill me, right?"

"Well I am a Death God," Ryuk says, "but if I were going to kill you I wouldn't bother to show myself, y'know?"

Sayu lays back down again, says that he doesn't exist, he can't possibly, she must be hallucinating. "No, you're not," Ryuk insists, and Sayu keeps shaking her head, insisting, you're not real you're not real you're not real. But then she doesn't care anymore. She's quiet. Ryuk will have to say something if he wants to keep this up.

He's blunt. "So I hear you were kidnapped?" he says, laughing though he knows this isn't funny. She shudders, and he thinks that's cute, it takes her ages to speak but she does.

"I was," she says. "I was."

She should cry now, her voice is choked and maybe she would if she could but she's shut down, everything inside her not devoted to pushing everyone away is dead. Though this is what attracted Ryuk to begin with, but he's not satisfied with this, he's bored. "So what did they do to you?" he asks, prodding 'til she shows signs of being wounded. He doesn't want her to be different anymore, he wants her to react like every other human. To be human, so he can look down on her and laugh. So he can not want to know her, anymore.

Sayu won't say, Sayu won't move, and Sayu won't cry. Sayu is not what Ryuk thinks of as human. She's not what he is, not a Death God of course but she is…she could be…something more than human. Maybe something less. But Ryuk is definitely interested. "Hey. Hey Sayu. What happened to you?" he asks, hand on her rigid shoulder. She shrugs him off, she can feel him. He can feel her. He almost wants to meet her halfway, shed his identity as she has hers and do something pointless, ridiculous, human. Kiss her. Fuck her. Something like that, but he can't. His hands hover around her breasts but he can't. His mouth is the size of her face, he's not designed for this and he…he'd really better just leave her alone.

And so he does. Ryuk bids Sayu a quick goodbye, and flies from the room, head hanging. With slightly less enthusiasm than usual, he calls Light and pesters him for apples. He is bored again.


Nana: This here was one of the most bizarre pairings I've ever written, I think. Definitely had to stretch my brain there. Here's hoping Ryuk was reasonably in character, and many apologies if he wasn't. He's even tougher than L, I swear. But anyway yes, everyone have a great day, and please leave me a review on your way out!