Disclaimer: I do not own tekken.
2015: Hello everyone! It's been 7 years since I posted chapter one of this fanfiction. I know I haven't been active for about four years now. That's because I was focusing on college (I did it guys, you can, too!) and writing some original fiction (actually have a couple of short stories published. yay me!). But I was browsing through my old stuff and just...wanted to fix a few things that were either very politically or grammatically incorrect, as well as add in a few extra lines to make the scenes just a little funnier. It only took me a couple of days, and there aren't many changes. In any case, please enjoy this revamped version of the Race for Lee's Book. If this goes well, perhaps I'll edit/finish some of them.
A/N: This first chapter is gonna be slow, but it has to start somewhere, right? I wanted to do an actual story with as much stupidity as Tekken Interviews. It might offend girls due to sexist thoughts/statements, and boys because of man-stupidity. The mentioned are extremely exaggerated, and are used for humor purposes. That said I present to you, The Race for Lee's Book.
Chapter One: The secret
"You'll be back, Kazuya! You're gonna get hungry sometime!"
Kazuya ran into the safety of his jet black Mustang Convertible, stomping on the gas upon entry. He glanced at the side-view mirror to see the slim figure of Jun Kazama growing tinier as he sped off. He breathed a sigh of relief.
"Women," Kazuya muttered. "You can't live with 'em." He did not add the "you can't live without them" that usually followed.
But seriously, they were a whole other species! Touchy, clingy, overly sensitive, emotional...where did they even get off behaving the way they did?
It wasn't like he had done anything wrong. Jun had bitten his head off over nothing.
Kazuya sat on his recliner, watching the TV with little interest when Jun entered the living room. As she passed in front of the TV, Kazuya noticed something. Something he had to comment on.
"You're getting kinda pudgy," he observed.
"What did you just say?" Jun asked in warning tones. After a day of cleaning, she was not in the mood to be bullied by Kazuya.
"Woman, when's the last time you worked out?" Kazuya asked. "Your stomach isn't flat anymore."
"You jackass!" Jun shrieked.
After that, Jun had thrown various objects at him (including his precious remote control!) before proceeding to chase Kazuya out of the house, no, not the house, his house. The one that he had bought with the money he had rightfully taken from Heihachi. The most appalling thing was that she expected him to apologize for his behavior.
What. The. Hell.
If anyone should apologize, it should be her. She was the one who turned his only son into a soft-minded, weak-willed, nature-loving sissy. She was the one that stopped him from killing his poor excuse for a father many times over. And she was the one who made him stop sending male prostitutes to Lee's Condo. The way he saw it, he was just saving his adopted brother some money.
"Speaking of the little shit..." Kazuya thought aloud. "I need to lay low for a while."
A smirk crossed his face as he took a left. He was going to pay Lee a little unexpected visit.
Why would Kazuya chose to live with Lee? Ruining Lee's fun was the best entertainment Kazuya got nowadays. Aside from stealing from the Kazama dojo every once in a while. If he couldn't openly stand against Jun, he could at least make her relatives miserable.
Twenty minutes later, Kazuya opened the door to Lee's Condominium. It was big, spacious, and eerily tidy. He would just have to fix that last part for him. The vase by the door had just barely shattered when Kazuya was interrupted.
"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!" It was Combot, creaking up to Kazuya, body poised similarly to Julia's fighting style.
"Code 1324, Lee's sexy," Kazuya said the code, cringing. Combot immediately shut down. "What a piece of crap," he added, kicking Combot as he made his way in. He noticed that his silver-haired brother was nowhere in sight. No matter, he could still cause some trouble.
From their traumatizing childhood days at the Mishima Estate (courtesy of Heihachi), Kazuya had always been able to pry into Lee's secrets. His secret stash of money? Taken by Kazuya to buy a new pair of sneakers. His first crush? Asked to the dance by Kazuya (who for the record hadn't even liked the girl, but if Lee wanted her he had to make sure Lee couldn't get her). His outrageous after parties? Crashed by an already drunk Kazuya. And how was he able to find all of Lee's secrets? You'll see soon enough.
Kazuya made his way into Lee's bedroom, and was surprised to see an absence of perverted posters and magazines. He was sure the pervert would have girls (or boys) plastered on every square inch of the place. Instead, it bore a similar presence to the living room.
"Kazuya, what are you doing here?"
Kazuya turned around and was face to face with his son. He sneered. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Hiding. Remember, I pissed off Ling and Julia? I've been here for a few days, hanging with Uncle Lee."
"Oh yeah," Kazuya said. "Didn't you compare their inferior breasts to Christie's or something?"
"No," Jin said indignantly. "I told them they shouldn't bother entering any more tournaments because their tiny, flimsy arms had no chance against men and bears."
Kazuya raised an eyebrow. Not even he was that tactless. "Where's the pansy?"
"Lee's been gone for a few hours, said he wouldn't be back until tomorrow," Jin replied.
"Okay, now scram," Kazuya ordered. Jin shrugged and left.
"What a moron," Kazuya said under his breath. Making sure Jin was gone, he slid his arm under Lee's mattress and retrieved his journal.
That's how Kazuya knew all of Lee's little secrets. The idiot wrote everything down and left it in the same spot! The same spot for forty years! Under his mattress, the left side, all his life! If it weren't so convenient, the sheer stupidity of it all would have been maddening.
If Kazuya had to be miserable with a woman, and Lee got to be happy without being chained to one, it only made sense that Kazuya should try to make Lee miserable.
He opened the journal and flipped through its latest entries. He usually didn't linger for more than a few seconds, as most of the entries said things like 'The Mishima Zaibatsu will be mine!' And 'I think Anna got lipo...or maybe she's sick? She better not have given me something!'
But he stopped as a journal entry caught his eye.
I've decided to write a book that I will pass on to my sole heir. Not just any book, but the book. A book with all of my knowledge of women; their minds, bodies, how to get them, how to lose them; everything that I know. The Chaolans will forever be known as specimens of perfection when it comes to the art of picking up gorgeous babes, while the Mishimas will be known for being creepy and boorish to women. My legacy will live on!
At first, Kazuya thought the idea was stupid. Why would any sane man want to spend their free time reading about women? But then again, there was no denying the fact that his brother was awfully good at getting women...
And then, the endless possibilities! Jun would never nag him again! With that book, he could get her to do whatever he pleased!
"My god," he breathed. "All of the sandwiches!"
He turned the page and found that Lee had completed the book (that last entry had been quite a while ago, as Lee only wrote when he had a dirty secret eating at him). Not only that, but the little rat had hidden it! But, of course, his naïve brother had written precise instructions on where it was.
"So are you gonna try to find it?"
Kazuya was once again face to face with his son, who had been reading over his shoulder. He scowled.
"Get lost! You don't need a book on women, you have no love life!"
"Yeah, but that book can change that," Jin replied, a smile gracing his lips in a complacent smile.
"For the last time, go away," Kazuya growled.
"Fine, I'll just tell Uncle Lee and mother dearest," Jin said breezily.
"Alright, you can come," Kazuya admitted defeat while Jin smirked. "But you better not screw up, or I disown you."
Jin's eyes narrowed. "You did that when I was in second grade."
"Oh yeah," Kazuya smiled at the memory of Jin hanging his head in shame. "Well, anyway don't screw up!"
"When have I ever messed up?" Jin started angrily. "My life sucks because of you and the old man."
"Stop whining," Kazuya muttered, placing the journal back under the mattress. "Let's get outta here, I don't wanna take any chances. We start the journey at dawn!"
He and Jin filed out of the condo (after reactivating Combot with code Kazuya sucks, which Jin happily said) and headed for a hotel. As they left, a certain red-haired Korean crept out of the closet. Why was he there? He had been laying low from Asuka, Julia, Christie, Lili, Ling...It's easier to say he pissed off every girl he knew with his infamous panty raids. But, he had been hiding there before Jin, and without Lee knowing.
"A book for sexy Hwoarang?" he asked himself. "Aw, they shouldn't have."
He grinned as he pulled the journal out of its generic hiding place. "I'll be invincible," he murmured.
"INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT!" Combot had barged into the room.
"Ah, shut up," Hwoarang said, adding, "Code 1432 Steve's weird."
He thought that would make Combot shut down, but he had said a wrong code. Combot went on the computer and rapidly began typing.
"Whatever," Hwoarang muttered, returning to the journal.
Little did he know, that code in specific made Combot send the location for the book...To every tekken fighter.
A/N: what do you think? I know, it's sorta slow, but it will get better, I promise. I don't think it will have too many chapters, but, who knows? R& R please!