Chapter Ten: Lee's Book

Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken, despite what the voices in my head tell me.

No sooner had Bryan closed the door behind him than Kazuya came just as quietly through the door, followed by his faction.

"Ha-" Hwoarang's loud triumphant yell was cut short by a swift punch to the gut courtesy of Kazuya.

"Shut up," he growled in a low whisper. Hwoarang nodded, clutching his stomach while Jin smirked. But before much else could happen, the Americans burst through the door.

"You're not gonna-!" Paul started loudly.

"Shh!" Kazuya and Bryan hissed, their eyes widening dangerously.

"Why are we being so quiet?" Jin whispered. Before anyone could answer, however, Nina and Anna raced in, followed by the men they had stolen from. Anna took one quick look around the room before whispering harshly: "Everyone shut up!"

"Okay, this is really annoying-" Steve began to whine when the all female group came in silently led by Julia.

"Anyone else?" Lei asked, annoyed. Marduk, Kuma and Heihachi scrambled to get in. "Thought so," he muttered.

"Now will someone explain why we're being so quiet?" Forest asked. In response, Kazuya jerked his thumb in the direction of the back of the room.

It was a rather spacious room, but in the back they could make out a slim figure sleeping on a bed. Curious, the large group cautiously made their way to the back.

It was a woman, and the most beautiful anyone had ever seen. The most extravagant words to describe her would still fall miserably short, any picture would be severely lacking. She had long, light brown hair that fell all around her as she slept, and her flawless skin was of a porcelain complexion. The only thing out of the ordinary was the fact that two small yellow wings poked out of her head. She held an ethereal charm.

"She's beautiful." Steve was spellbound.

"She's a ho," Asuka said, narrowing her eyes. She was right. The woman slept in a white mini dress which wasn't enough to cover the black lingerie she wore beneath it.

"Hey, shut up Asuka," Jin shot quietly, suddenly defensive.

"She's a siren," Julia explained, rolling her eyes. "That's why all the guys are going crazy over her."

"And why are we working so hard to make sure she stays asleep?" Lili asked snootily.

"You don't want to see her when she's awake, trust me," Julia answered.

"Bryan, what are you, gay?" Raven asked in a tone of slight disgust. Bryan was ignoring the woman and searching the room. He sneered.

"No, moron, I'm a cyborg, I just shut my 'attraction' off."

"Hey, this may just work to our advantage," Michelle noted as she and the other females turned away from the sleeping woman. The men were having a harder time tearing their gaze off of her.

"Come ON," Kazuya ordered, giving an effective triple-whack to the three on his team. They made sure to keep their gazes averted from the girl.

"Shit," Marshall simply couldn't stop looking.

"They couldn't have been lesbians," Wang said sourly. "Then they'd be just as stuck as we are."

"Yeah. Hey Nina, how are you doing it?" Paul asked. A knife hit the wall a few inches from his head. "Touchy, touchy."

Everyone began quietly lifting and opening objects around the room, searching for anything that might open with a key.

"Julia, don't you know where it is?" Jun asked.

"No, all I knew was that I saw her with a key exactly like it. She kept bragging about how she had something important that I'd never find, waving the key in front of my face…" The memory seemed to bring back rage.

"It has to be around here somewhere…" Feng muttered to himself, searching under the bed. He jumped and hit his head as a shrill scream sounded from above. He pulled himself up to see the reason for the woman's awakening.

"HWOARANG!" Everyone in the room yelled angrily.

"Hey, I alone can say I am not gay!" Hwoarang glared around the room at the men, still not removing his hand from her noticeable cleavage.

But the woman seemed more upset at the fact that there were people in her room than the fact that Hwoarang's hand was in an inappropriate place. She leered across the room with her golden eyes before they rested on Julia. She smiled.

"Oh, it's Goolia," she said in a sweet singsong voice.

"It's Julia," she replied, grinding her teeth.

"And what are you doing here?" The woman asked, shifting into a sitting position (with Hwoarang's hand still in place). She looked around some more. "Oh, and there's Anna, oh, hello, Mr. Mishima!" She gave a ditzy wave to Kazuya, but it was Heihachi who waved back. "EW!" she shrieked, and everyone had to cover their ears (even Hwoarang).

"Look, Selene, do you know where the book is or not?" Julia snapped.

"Oh, so that's what this is all about!" Selene gave an excited squeal. She grinned. "So, how was Janet?"

"You know Janet?" Steve asked, repulsed.

"I convinced Lee to use Janet!" Selene burst into laughter.

"You bitch!" Bryan yelled.

"She's evil," Lei commented, glaring in her direction. "Incredibly hot, but evil."

"Just hand over the book, girl, and no one gets hurt," Kazuya threatened.

Selene cocked her head to one side. "Well, that wasn't very nice. I'm going back to sleep, I still have three more hours of naptime."

"Give me the book!" Marduk roared.

"Ugh! Janet, why did you shave your head and where is your shirt!?" Selene shot up into the air and hid behind Hwoarang.

"That," Jun started with a smirk. "Would be Marduk." Asuka caught on.

"And if you don't give us the book, we'll release him on you."

Selene gave another horrified little shudder before diving off of her bed and ripping a floorboard from its place. She threw it in Marduk's direction before taking out a book.

"Just take it, take it and stay the hell away from me!" she cried before tossing the book into the air.

"Got it!" Jin called, jumping into the air and snatching his prize. He tried to yank it open a couple of times before realizing it was locked. "The key, Steve, the key!"

Before any more could be said, however, Asuka kicked the book from his grasp. It skidded across the floor to Anna.

"Well then, we'll be off," she said as she picked up the book.

"Not today, hooker!" Heihachi yelled, and Kuma swiped up the book.

"NO!" Michelle jumped on Kuma's back and yanked at his fur. He roared before dropping the book.

"Ha!" Paul yelled, picking it up. He gave a girlish shriek as Marduk charged towards him. He picked up Lili, who was nearest, and proceeded to use her as a bat. The book slipped through his fingers

"Put me down you-" Lili had to bend at an odd angle to avoid colliding with Marduk's face.

"And the wisest reaps the benefits," Wang chuckled, but when he put his key into the book, Ganryu made to snatch it up. It again landed on the floor.

"You moron! We're on the same team!" The old man fumed.

"That was for all the fat jokes, grave-nudger!" Ganryu raged.

It soon turned into a full-out brawl. Heihachi had found a broom in the corner of Selene's room and was whacking everyone in sight. Selene's shrieking was going unnoticed as the fighting continued.

"This," she yelled in appalled tones. "Is an outrage! If you animals want to brawl then get away from my face! Or at least all the ugly people!" She shrieked and dove as a vase went flying towards her head.

Lili had gotten out of Paul's grip and was kicking him while he lay on the ground.

"I- ALMOST - MADE - CONTACT - WITH- HIS - FUGLY - FACE!" she yelled between kicks.

"Crazy!" Paul managed to cry out before rolling out of the way.

Nobody seemed to notice that Marduk was crawling on the floor, inching his way towards the book. Quiet and stealthy (well, by his standards) he made his way through the brawl and grabbed the book. He grinned at the thought of all of his wildest (and horrifying) dreams turned into a reality.

"No!" Ling screamed, pointing down to where Marduk had opened the book. Immediately, everyone dog piled on him.

"You better not have read anything!" Anna yelled angrily, kicking his face with her high heel.

"It's mine!" King yelled.

"Mine!" Hwoarang made a grab for it.

"To hell with that!" Kunimitsu lunged for it, but Yoshimitsu stopped her.

Kazuya caught the book and rolled onto his stomach, shielding it from everyone else. Everyone's weight shifted onto him, and his face turned red.

"Kazuya, I'm open!" Jin waved his arms from the other end of the room. Unable to speak, Kazuya merely shook his head vigorously. "Don't be an ass!" Jin yelled.

"Give it up, Kazuya," Jun managed to choke out from directly on top of him. "You'll never win!"

"Hey, Mishima, over here!" Hwoarang yelled. He was still standing next to Selene. Kazuya threw the book at him with no hesitation.

"You asshole!" Jin yelled.

Hwoarang began to open it with trembling hands as the other fighters scrambled to get up. He opened it, and his face fell before Heihachi snatched it from his hands.

"I win! I'm the new playboy!" Heihachi didn't notice Hwoarang's look of disappointment. Kazuya whacked his father on the bald spot before ripping the book from him.

"What!?" Kazuya seethed, glaring down at the book that had caused so much trouble. The others craned their neck over his shoulders to read the first page.


Lei grabbed the book from Kazuya and began desperately turning the small book's pages. All blank.

"NOOOOOO!" Wang fell to his knees, devastated. "Ow, my knees," he added as an afterthought.

"I'm gonna kill that fucker the next time I see him!" Bryan declared, crushing the worthless book.

Selene was sprawled out on her bed, laughing hysterically at the tekken fighters' devastation and anger.

"Ooh, I'm gonna -" Michelle was interrupted by the sound of one lonely pair of hands clapping slowly, almost sarcastically. Glaring as a whole, they all turned to the door.

Lee stood in the doorway, still clapping with a very smug expression. "Well done," he told them. "You found the book."

"You suck!" Steve yelled.

"You better have a very good reason for all of this," Baek hissed.

"Oh, I do. Revenge." He turned his gaze to Kazuya. "Did you really think I was so stupid? To keep a log of my feelings in a house run by that baboon?" He indicated Heihachi. "And furthermore to leave it under my mattress?"

"You've been doing it for more than forty years," Kazuya growled.

"No, no, that was all a part of my plan," Lee explained, obviously taken with himself. "I'd write things in that book, then I'd follow through, purposely getting myself into trouble by either you or Heihachi. I knew that this plan required your reliance on the 'truth' of the book.

"With the help of Selene, Suzuki, and Janet," he nearly spat the last name out. "I created the illusion of the ultimate hit-on book, with a complex obstacle course and a key requirement." His eyes took in the angry and in some cases twitching faces of the fighters. "Come on, did it really make sense for me to write a book on my expertise for an heir I don't plan on having?"

"We assumed you were going to hand-pick one of your illegitimate children," Jin said through gritted teeth.

"Moronic," Lee answered nonchalantly. He noticed the fighters closing in on him and acted quickly, turning to the females. "Of course, Combot has his imperfections; I didn't mean to drag all of you into this, but it's a good thing you know just how your men think, hm?" He gave them a charming smile.

The women's glare remained hard for a few seconds more before Jun sighed. "Well, he does have a point."

"Bull shit," Kazuya took out a book from his coat. Lee raised an eyebrow at his journal. Kazuya cleared his throat before repeating the book titles his son and idiot companions had read aloud, and a few others. "'The Complete Guide to Being Unlikeable' by Julia Chang, 'Never Too Old for Booty Shorts' by Michelle Chang, 'Behind the Mask: Ugly or Hot' by Kunimitsu and 'I Hit on My Uncle Because I Didn't Know We Were Related' by Asuka Kazama." All heads turned to Asuka.

"Did not!" she fumed.

Lee was already down the hall.

"GET HIM!" Michelle cried, and everyone charged in his direction.

Once they had caught up to him, Kazuya grabbed Lee by the collar of his shirt.

"I'm going to beat you so badly no one will take you!" he threatened. But Jun caught his arm before he could strike.

"Now, Kazuya," she said sweetly. "Let's not be so rash. I have something better in mind."

Something in Jun's eyes made Lee shudder.

About an hour later…

"I said I was sorry! I won't do it again! This punishment does not fit the crime!" Lee's muffled yells were ignored.

"Shut up," Jin ordered bitterly, kicking the door. They could hear a commotion in the next room, it sounded as though Lee had knocked over a drawer.

"Ah, don't make me beg, sweetie-pie," they heard Janet say. Asuka cackled evilly.

"I told you, we can only be friends!" It sounded as though Lee's desperate attempts to save himself were getting him nowhere. "I said stay away!" They heard a crashing noise. Lei smirked.

"You're not the man I thought you were!" They heard Janet howl.

"You're not the man I thought you were!" Lee countered. They heard another deafening crash. "Come on!" he pleaded at the door.

"Nope," Michelle answered simply. "We bought Janet for an hour, you still have…fifty minutes."

"Maybe we shouldn't have taken his shirt," Julia held up Lee's blue vest.

"Nah, he'll be fine," Nina said. They all laughed at his misfortune.

End of story

A/N: OMG I finished it!