Dessert Wars! (A Shipper Wars Joke Fic)
Pairings: Clark/Cheese cake, Clark/Chocolate Chip Cookies, Clark/Chocolate cake, hinted Lois/Lollypop.
Summary: Take nay defense non-clois shippers. There will be no insulting, just desserts- please don't be offended. If you're a Chlarker or Clana, you should be aware of the show's situations for the couples. Clois has it's problems too. I got this idea from another "Dessert Wars" for Hermione/Harry, of which the brilliant and talented author was, DarkGoddess2002! It works easier for HP fandom though. Their shippers have cute dessert nick names.
Chloe entered the loft with a freshly bought cheese cake.
So what if she couldn't actually cook it. It was unique, rare, quirky, and original. Clark would love it! She smiled proudly upon it's deliciousness and headed up the loft steps. Clark was peering blankly out the Loft window out at the beautiful green pastures.
Chloe let out a little cough to show she was there. He turned around to see his good friend and smiled.
"Hey Chlo." Clark greeted.
Chloe smiled, and replied: "I just brought over some left over cheese cake."
Clark observed the cheese cake and felt a little discouraged. He'd tried many times to like cheese cake but it just didn't work. There was just something about it, just wasn't his tyep of dessert. He smiled politely, and Chloe directed him over to the couch.
Suddenly another pair of steps went up the stairs. It was Lana. In her hands, was a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Clark grimaced again. He liked chocolate chip cookies, but they were very common. His mother always made chocolate chip cookies all the time. Sometimes there'd be a long absence of chocolate chip cookies and he'd move on- then chocolate chip cookies would come back. And demand to know all his… secrets- no, stomach.
"Really?" Chloe questioned bitterly, "Chocolate chip cookies? They are so common!"
"Cheese cake is too strong willed. Not as gentle as cookies!" retorted Lana.
"Um… huh?" asked Clark confused. The BDA didn't understand metaphors. Lana slightly shoved Chloe and presented her cookies with a dainty smile. Clark looked at both dishes with caution. (Cause the guy is never just going to go into a dessert without talking about feelings first!)
"Cheese cake is rare and precious! Clark never eats cheese cake- but cheese cake is always there for Clark. Cheese cake cares more." Chloe answered back, angrily.
"Oh yeah? Well chocolate cookies taste better!"
"No they don't! Everyone likes chocolate chip cookies because they aren't special enough to consider cheese cake. MATURE people eat cheese cake! People grow into cheese cake. Babies like chocolate chip cookies!"
"Are you calling me a baby?"
"No. I'm calling chocolate chip cookies- FOR babies!"
"Well Clark loves chocolate chip cookies! He always wants them!"
"Chocolate chip cookies aren't GOOD for Clark!"
"What?" Clark stared at them blankly. What are they talking about?
"AND CHEESE CAKE IS?"
"CHEESE CAKE CARES ABOUT CLARK! Chocolate chip cookies abandoned him for Lex, chocolate chip cookies aren't stable enough."
"Cheese cake is weird!"
"CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE SLUTTY!"
"CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE WILLING TO SETTLE DOWN WITH CLARK AND HAVE HIS BABIES!"
"SO WOULD CHEESE CAKE!"
Clark snuck past them carefully, as they started to fight furiously and went into the kitchen. Lois sat there with a special type of cake. It was the only thing she could properly cook. It was called "death by chocolate" cake. It was a dark, extremely rich chocolate layer cake with dark chocolate icing. The flavor was amazing! It was one of the best out there.
She swirled her spoon around in a coffee ice cream bowl. Clark looked at the cake with amazement.
Would I be able to handle a cake like that? he wondered to himself. He sat beside Lois and gave her a friendly smile.
"Can I have a slice of cake?" he asked, hungrily staring at it.
"No." she replied, standing up and taking it with her.
"'What?" Clark asked, disappointed.
"Maybe some other time. You're not mature enough for it yet, Clark. Besides. It's for Oliver."
Clark glared at her, as she left. Lois laughed and went on her way to see her boyfriend.
"I get nothing?" Clark asked the empty air.
Chloe and Lana looked around at the messy loft. It was covered in thrown dessert.
The End. Hope you liked it!!!