a/n: Thanks for reading:).

summary:"'That's not—Christ, Malfoy—you can't just—you're—' 'I'm—mmph.' 'God.' 'You're right, Potter. I am God.'" Involves a sleuthy Hermione, a slightly dense Ron, plenty of Potter/Malfoy rows, and a little too much sexual innuendo to be totally healthy. DMHP, slash


Have You Noticed?


"Hey! Look everyone—Potter got a P on his Potions exam!"

"You're such a prick, Malfoy. The only reason you didn't get a P too is 'cause Snape's a prejudiced git!"

"Actually, Potter, there's nothing wrong with Snape. You're just stupid. That, and you absolutely suck at Potions—not to mention all of our other classes. In fact, I bet I'm above you in every subject!"

"Oh please. Ever heard of, I don't know. . . Defense Against the Dark Arts? I think we both know that's an area where I always come out on top."



"What, Hermione?"

"Have you noticed something about Harry and Malfoy?"

"Like what?"

"Well, are you watching them right now?"

"Um . . . yeah. They're having a row. So what?"

"Are you listening to them?"

"Um . . . yeah. Sure. They're having a row. So what? Harry and Malfoy are always getting into rows of some sort."

"You don't notice anything—different—about this row, do you?"

"Like what? It's a row! I'm hungry, Hermione. Let's go to lunch now."

"Oh, fine."


"I remember what you said about coming out on top in DADA, Potter, and I must say, you're wrong."

"Wrong? Take your best bloody shot, Malfoy—I'll still have you on your knees by the end of class."

"As if. Ready to submit to my overall superiority?"

"Nice try, Malfoy, but I think we both know that I will dominate."



"What—Hermione? What is it? We're supposed to be dueling!"

"Yes, yes, I know—just—shh. Keep your voice down. I want you to discreetly turn your head towards Harry and Malfoy. Right now!"


"Do it!"

"Okay, okay, I did it. So what?"

"Well—look at them. What do you see?"

"They're dueling."


"Hermione, everyone is dueling. We were put into pairs and told mock-duel for today's assignment!"

"Well—that's not quite—but, well—did you hear what they were saying, at least?"

"Um. . . yeah."

"And. . .?"

"So what? It's Harry and Malfoy—you expect them to be friendly or something?"

"No, Ronald! Just—just—oh, never mind. Forget it. Let's duel."


"So, um, Harry. . ."

"Hey, Hermione! How's it going?"

"Oh, great, everything's great. But what about you, Harry? You know, I've noticed that you and Malfoy have been getting into a lot of—rows—lately. . . Is there something I should, I don't know, know about. . .?"

"Know about? What's there to know about? Malfoy's a poofter. End of story."

"Harry—don't speak like that! And—you don't really mean that, do you?"

"Mean what?"

"Malfoy! Do you think really think he's. . . homosexual?"

"Have you seen his fingernails, Hermione? His hair? Hah! He's a complete fairy."

"Right—well—right. Just—you shouldn't make fun of him about it. I mean—it's just not something to, you know, make fun of a person about. Especially if you think he really is. . ."

"Err. . . right. . ."


"Ron! Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That, Ronald, that! My conversation with Harry!"

"Oh, hah, yeah. Malfoy's a queer, eh? Hah! I should've pegged him earlier."

"Ronald Weasley! That was not my point."

"Well, what was your point then?"

"I—oh—well, forget it. Have you noticed anything about Harry, at least?"

"What about Harry?"

"Well—I mean—he mentioned Malfoy's fingernails! And his hair!"

"Um. . . yeah. So?"

"We've been through this already, Ron. Harry and Malfoy are getting into rows. . ."

"Yeah, and it's been like that for—what—nearly seven years now? Why the sudden fascination?"

"Because—you—urgh! Harry practically just admitted that Malfoy is a homosexual!"

"So? He probably is! And what do you mean admitted?"

"Achk! Never mind! Just—just—I didn't mean anything."


"Malfoy! You just poured ink all over my Potions essay! I worked for ages on that!"

"Whoops. Accident."

"Oh bollocks, Malfoy! You fucking queer, I can't believe you just did that!"

"Me? A fucking queer? That coming from the Nancy-Boy-Who-Lived?"

"Fix the essay, Malfoy. Now!"

"Fix it? How the hell am I supposed to get rid of all that ink, Potter? Lick it off?"

"ARGH—I can't stand you, Malfoy. And—and—your father's doing hard time in Azkaban!"

"Oh, yeah, and you're really one to be talking about daddies, aren't you, Potter? Do you see yours somewhere? At least I've got a grip on reality."

"That's not—Christ, Malfoy—you can't just—you're—"







"You're right, Potter. I am God."



"Ronald! Shh—come over here, quickly!"

"Hermione—what are you—why are you hiding behind a bookshelf?"

"Shhh! Okay, look—just stand right there. Yes. There. Now slowly turn your head about. . . 45 degrees to the left."

"Okay, fine, but I still don't get why we're behind this—Oh."

"Notice something now, Ron?"

". . ."


". . ."

"Ronald, can you hear me?"

". . ."

"Oh dear. Erm—Hospital Wing, perhaps?"



"What, Ron?"

"Have you noticed something about Harry and Malfoy?"




a/n:This was my first slash story, guys! This was also a one-shot, which means that now is the only chance you have to give me feedback on it. And I love feedback!

(Basically, that was my polite way of orderingyoutoreviewNow. Please)

Love to reviewers. :)