BtVS Crossover with Stargate SG-1
Buffy and the Goa'ulden Spaceship
AN: I haven't been able to write as much as I'd like recently because my clients insist that I actually do the work I've been contracted to do before they'll pay me. I really need the kind of client who'll pay me for not working, but that kind is scarce.
"Willow," asked Buffy, "why are you and Kennedy soaked? Were you guys in a wet tee-shirt contest or something?"
"No," Willow replied primly, "Ken and I were sight-seeing near the big chains and stuff near the front of the boat when a really big wave splashed over and nearly drowned us. And actually, we're pretty dry compared to earlier—but this salt is starting to itch." Willow looked at Kennedy and said with a shy smile, "But Ken looked awfully good in her wet shirt."
I winced at Willow's land-lubberly descriptions, and I certainly agreed with her assessment of her friend – but I knew better than to comment out loud. "You have time to shower and change, if you wish. We'll be docking in Bremerton around nine this evening."
Kennedy and Willow both got up and started to leave. There was something in their attitude that seemed suspicious to me. I added, "Now don't take any hollywood showers, save water with Navy showers!" I don't know if they heard me though as they skipped a couple of steps and laughed on their way hand-in-hand down the passage to the XO's cabin, who I had booted out so our guests could freshen up.
Buffy asked, "What's a Navy shower?"
"Simple," I answered in my best 'Captain' tones, "Turn the water on, get wet, turn it off, get soapy, turn it on again and rinse. Done."
Xander, Buffy, and Dawn all looked at each other and laughed helplessly. I said stiffly, "It isn't a laughing matter, we make fresh water onboard, but not in luxurious amounts."
Xander wiped tears of laughter from his eyes and choked out, "That's all right, go on, we'll forget about it."
I looked at my guests. "You know the cats out the bag about your spaceship. Most of three hundred enlisted men and officers got a good look at it. They'll be e-mailing friends ashore as soon as we are in line of sight with a cell tower, complete with pictures."
Colonel O'Neill said, "Uh, actually, I doubt it. You see, we have some interesting and highly classified security tools that should, at least if they're working right, make communications impossible. Except for the most secure satellite transmissions from your radio room."
I frowned, "You know, I wish you would have asked me first."
"Sorry Captain, it had to be done. You can complain to the Pentagon if you don't like it."
Well, I could see which the wind was blowing. As much as I wanted to stay with my guests and learn all I could, my duties as Captain intruded. I had this sudden vision of myself attempting to explain to a board of disbelieving Admirals about spaceships and symbiotic aliens while in the background my ship was piled up on a reef, crew and equipment spilling into the waves. I'd best see about business before that happened. "Colonel O'Neill," I said, "I'm needed on the bridge for a few minutes. If you need anything, just press that button and a steward will bring food or coffee." I pointed to a control panel, nodded at the self-proclaimed god-king still strapped to his stretcher which had been wedged between the wardroom walls across the table, leaving not much space for everyone else to squeeze in, and took my leave.
First stop, the radio room. The radiomen told me that yes, all communications were down, except the highly encrypted satellite data-stream. They were frantically trying to figure out why, so far without success. So I sent a message to the Admiral and got an immediate reply, which speed of reply made me realize that the Admiral had been waiting for me—that's a guaranteed way to make three-stripers very nervous. As per the Admiral's request, I ordered all data from CIC, which amounted to quite a lot, plus information and images from the bridge, to be uploaded and sent to CinCPac. Finally, my destination to Bremerton was confirmed. But I had the distinct feeling that there would be no liberty granted for anyone, not until an extensive debriefing anyway.
After stopping by the bridge and making sure we were on course, I conferred with my executive officer for a minute then finally got back to the Wardroom. I had to chivvy some junior officers out of the passageway where they were hanging around curiously. When I told them the wardroom was off-limits for the near future, they were inconsolable.
I steadied myself, took a deep breath or two, and prepared to join a high level interstellar discussion concerning the fate of planets and human civilization. I opened the door and heard Colonel O'Neill exclaim, "NO, NO, NO! Intelligence and experience count above all!"
Andrew replied from his stretcher, "You're wrong Colonel! The cavemen are in their own environment! Of course they'd have the advantage! BAH, I'D KILL ALL OF THE INSOLENT CREATURES!"
Dr. Jackson of all people added, "The cavemen are just as smart as the astronauts, Jack. They're the same as us. Given their own territory, they could win."
"But Daniel, we won against the Unas. We used your intelligence to do it peacefully, but nothing would have prevented us from blasting them to pieces if that hadn't worked."
"But Jack," he replied earnestly, "Unas aren't as intelligent as the Cro-Magnon were!"
The short blond girl, Buffy I think, said, "Jesus Christ people! This is such a juvenile argument! Whoever has the guns will win! Unless any Slayers were around, then we'd kick all your asses! New subject!"
I coughed quietly and sat down at my chair the head of the table. "So, it turns out that my Admiral is taking a personal interest in all this – which is not actually a surprise. Do you need to contact your superior Colonel?"
"We already have." At my raised eyebrows he clarified, "Naturally our communicators still work. Any way, we'll be met in Bremerton and we all be debriefed, probably at length. We will require you and your crew to sign non-disclosure-upon-pain-of-death-forms, and after being evaluated for your ability to keep quiet, you will be allowed to return to your regular duties. I think that about covers all I can say, right?"
The others all nodded in agreement. Another fine Navy day, I thought sarcastically.
What's This Do?
The Slayers scattered and searched throughout the large brick house that housed the New Council. It was only a few minutes until they found themselves drawn outside, only to spot Andrew making his escape in Giles' vintage Bentley. Buffy shouted, "Ken, get the Range Rover and three Slayers and follow me. Come on you two, in the Beemer with me! The rest of you stay here and coordinate." Two carloads of Slayers, with SG-1 bringing up the rear in their rental car, ended up chasing Andrew across London, through the suburbs and into the English countryside down smaller and narrower roads until they ended up in a heavily forested park or estate or something, Buffy didn't know which. Although she had spotted an astonishingly large country house peeking through the trees. They pulled up next to the abandoned Bentley; Giles rushed over and started to inspect his car.
"What luck! It appears to be undamaged!"
"Giles! Priorities! Forget that old car! Come on, where the hell did Andrew disappear to?"
"Buffy! This isn't just any old car, this is a 1932 Bentley! Only the Powers know how it ended up in one of the Council's warehouses."
"I don't care."
"But Buffy, it's worth a million pounds or more."
"Then why the hell are you driving it around London? Oh, never mind – where did that little nerd get to?" Buffy twirled and bounded away.
"Because it's a fine automobile that deserves to be driven," Giles said quietly to Buffy's back.
The Slayers had spread out and were going through the woods like a pride of lionesses, but with greater ferocity. O'Neill held back and quietly signaled to his team to hang back with him. Carter got out a small black box and started to twiddle the dials. "Sir! That way! A naquada power source!" She pointed off to the right. They all looked, but saw nothing but trees.
"Damn," said O'Neill, "those trees look like... Oh wait, we're still on planet Earth, right?"
Carter grinned, "Yes sir. But let's not not spill all our secrets to these girls."
"Hey, I'm being quiet. They can't possibly hear us at this distance."
Teal'c said, "O'Neill, I have been watching the way these young female warriors move. They appear to be a formidable force. I didn't realize young Tau'ri were trained so ferociously. Is this common on Earth?"
"Um, no. It's very unusual, maybe unique."
"Sir," said Carter anxiously looking up from her hand-held instrument and pointing towards a particularly dense thicket, "I think there's a Tel'tak in that direction! That's gotta be where Ptah is headed! We have to hurry!"
O'Neill said, "After you Carter. I suggest we run."
They all took off into the woods. Buffy noticed and signaled to everyone who could see her to follow. She cut through the woods on a course calculated to meet SG-1. She came out of a thicket of brush in time to see Daniel Jackson disappear into what appeared to be the mouth of a small cave. Buffy didn't hesitate, she ran after him. And so did Dawn and Giles. Kennedy zoomed past both and caught up with Buffy.
Once inside the cave, Kennedy pointed at a a lit square hatch-like object, they dived into it and ended up in a room decorated in an intricate design, apparently in gold. Buffy found the whole effect to be hideously overblown. She didn't see anyone else, but there were plenty of corridors to choose from when she was bowled off her feet.
Buffy looked up and said, "Dawn! What are you doing here?"
"Following you of course. Would you rather I stand around and wait to be kidnapped?"
"It isn't Tuesday, you'd have been safe," said Buffy.
Dawn laughed softly.
Giles pushed himself through the opening, just in time to see it close behind him, with a sudden snap. "Dear lord, that was close. Buffy, do you have any idea what this is?"
"No, I was just following the Air Force contingent who were following Andrew. They must around somewhere, maybe they'll tell us what's going on. If not, I suppose I could beat it out of them."
"Oh I don't know Buffy," said Dawn, "that Colonel looks like a pretty tough customer. Besides, we're all on the same side. At least I think we are," she added doubtfully.
Kennedy shook her head and said, "All we have to do is threaten his crew, I betcha he'd spill then!"
Buffy frowned at Ken.
They headed down a passageway at random and found themselves in some kind of control area. Kennedy wandered across the open space and looked at the out-of-this-world control panel. She asked, "I wonder what this does?" And she pushed experimentally at a horizontal cone shaped object.
The floor started vibrating and shaking ominously, followed by distinct upward movement. A few moments later dirt slid off the large forward windows and suddenly they could see the English countryside a hundred feet below. Buffy looked down and could see Xander on the ground, as well as they rest of the Slayers all looking upward in disbelief.
"KENNEDY! What did you do?"
"N, n, nothing! I mean, I didn't think anything like this would happen!"
O'Neill and Carter skidded into the room and looked out at the land below, moving slowly and majestically across the viewscreens.
"Who's flying this thing?" asked O'Neill. Everyone pointed at Ken.
"She started it up," said Dawn, "do you know how to stop it?"
"I didn't do anything!" cried Kennedy, "I just barely touched that cone hickey when everything started shuddering!"
Carter looked at the control panel and frowned, "You shouldn't have been able to activate the ship with that. Someone must be flying this from the emergency control room."
"Geez Carter, since when did these things come with more than one control room?" asked an exasperated Colonel.
"Since always sir, you just never paid attention before. I mean really, no intelligent engineer would design a military spaceship with only one set of controls."
"Hmmph. I guess. So I suppose Ptah is down there taking us to God knows where. Can we override from here?"
Carter, studying the main control panel, switching things this way and that, finally said, "No sir. But if we can't break into the other control room, we can try to override from the engine room."
Buffy leaned against the bulkhead just as the ship jerked to a new course. She steadied herself by sticking out her hand, but she hit a another panel set near the door. Kennedy, standing idly in the center of the compartment, was suddenly enveloped in five large rings which appeared and disappeared in a few seconds, accompanied by a flash of golden light. She was replaced by Xander, who looked absolutely shocked.
"What the fuck!?" he shouted. He was beginning to panic when he noticed Buffy and Dawn.
"What happened to Kennedy?" asked Dawn.
"Uh," said Giles looking out the forward viewscreen, "she's down there, standing right about where Xander was. She appears to be somewhat exercised but Willow is calming her down. Apparently, uh, someone accidentally activated some kind of transport system. Xander? Do you feel alright after getting all of your molecules mixed up and replaced?"
"Shit, I'll have to thank Ken next time I see her. What is this anyway?" asked Xander, still upset at his unexpected displacement.
"My guess," said Buffy, "is some kind of spaceship. Take a look out the window."
"So," Xander asked, "who's flying this golden pile of crap? And where are they taking us?"
"Umm," said a suddenly embarrassed Buffy, "it would appear that Andrew is in control."
"ANDREW! What idiot let him touch the controls of a freakin' spaceship?" asked Xander.
"I suppose that would be us, we were blindsided," said Buffy. "They're gonna fix it though." She pointed confidently to Carter and O'Neill.
Colonel O'Neill rolled his eyes.