Title: "You belong to me"
Author: The mean Kitten.
Plot: song fic, Angst, lots of drama. The Lyrics are Bob Dylan's, song title: you belong to me most recently sung by Jason Wade from Lifehouse. Post everything; some years after the big apocalypse where Sunnydale was blurred off the map, Angel and Buffy got together in LA.
"Hey, would you like to go have dinner tonight?" Buffy didn't know what to say to that, Michael was a coworker; she didn't want to mix business with pleasure.
"I don't know, Mike," Buffy considered all the reasons why she should say no, and couldn't find a reasonable one right there. Michael was a kind, funny and good looking man, everything a woman could want. Why shouldn't she go out with him? "I have a thing tonight, maybe some other night though?"
"Sure, I just have these tickets for a movie premier, and I thought you'd like to go." Michael wasn't her angel; that was the reason. Buffy didn't want to go to a movie with some guy from work; all she wanted was her dark creature of the night boyfriend back.
"Some other time, I'm kind of busy this week." She kept making excuses in her head, but it had already been six months, she should move on, that was what everybody kept telling her. Angel would have moved on by then.
"I guess, you'll let me know when you are ready, I understand it, Buffy; it's not easy to lose someone you love." Buffy felt her throat get constricted with the choking breath, she had these little panic episodes where her heart would nearly stop, her breath become labored and heavy, and her body would go taut with suppress grief.
"I'm your friend, Buffy. I only want good things for you, don't take this the wrong way, I'm not hitting on you, I just thought you should go out more, it won't change what happened but maybe you'll be …a little bit less sad."
"I can't, Mike. I just can't. Angel was my life; I just can't go out with you, like nothing happened, like …I didn't do anything bad when I left him die in that building." Mike saw Buffy's eyes turned shiny with tears, he hated bringing up the subject; she was still so tender about it.
"Oh, God, please don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry…it wasn't your fault, you had to save yourself, Angel sacrificed his life so you and the baby could live, I'm sure he doesn't regret it, he loved you so much, I know. I saw you two together many times. Don't ever think he's angry with you, you know he'll always love you." Buffy wrapped her hands around her belly and contemplated the life growing inside her. It was Angel's baby, their miracle baby, after so many years, Angel had Buffy had finally conceived.
"I know. I just can't stop missing him!" Buffy started crying brokenly and Mike hugged her and held her in his arms so she could know she wasn't alone in the world, even though they had met recently, Mike had nothing but love and respect for Buffy.
Michael Grey was a social worker in LA who specialized in paranormal cases, reason why he had met Buffy and joined her agency; Buffy had returned from Rome because Angel had asked her to come live with him, now that his shanshu promise had finally come true, they were ready to be together again, they were both baked cookies so to speak.
Angel had gone to Italy and begged Buffy to be with him, she was thirty-three years old by then, the oldest slayer to ever walk this earth, famous for her skill and her beauty. Buffy had taken his offer, despite all the emotional baggage between them, mostly because she had still loved him deeply.
After that, their life in LA had been great; they had started a new surveillance agency for supernatural cases, Buffy and Dawn were the ones managing it. It wasn't Angel investigations anymore; it was called Angel-Summers, supernatural detectives.
Six months ago, a horrible tragedy had happened, over ten thousand people had died when a fire broke down at downtown LA, a disastrous earthquake had caused an explosion at a gas station, half the buildings in an area of ten blocks square had started falling apart with the combination of fire and quake, The Hyperion being one of them, Buffy and Angel had been there, the hotel had been turned back to its original purpose a few weeks past, which meant that many guests had also been there; the tragedy had stroked them all unaware.
Angel, Buffy and Dawn had teamed up to save the as many as they could, the building started collapsing from the top and many of the guests had been trapped in the upper floors. Eventually, they managed to get most of them out using ropes and slayer's strength.
Down by the last few minutes of the building, Angel heard a earsplitting rumble behind him and realized Buffy had gotten trapped between two fallen columns and she was having trouble moving out of it, in fact she looked like she was about to faint with the effort.
"Buffy, are you alright!" Angel had to shout to get his voice across the hall.
"I'm fine, this is just so heavy." It was a Corinthian column at the entrance, it weighed tons. Buffy had become trapped between two of them, compressed from the neck to the knees.
"Can you come out, if I go there the floor might give away," there was a huge gap between them; the floor was giving away into the basement; the structure of the building hadn't bee built to sustain earthquake higher than 6 Richter. This one had been an 8.5.
"I'm trying…I think I'm stuck, you should get out, I'll manage; I just need a couple of minutes." Angel left for a while and then he came back with a rope and some blankets, the hall was in flames as well by then.
"Tie this around your chest, I'll pull you." She did as she was told, the stones had compressed her lower body in a tiny space; she couldn't move either forward or backward on her own, the marble pieces were digging into her flesh, making a puddle of blood underneath her.
"It won't work; you need some magic to pull this huge thing to a side." Pressed with the lack of time, Angel was a little freaky, the place was hanging by the hinges, and he couldn't find a single spell book –nor a witch—to make the spell work, Dawn was outside and he wouldn't risk her life coming back in.
"Forget it, I'm coming there." Angel took flight and jumped, he landed awkwardly on his side, but he landed indeed.
"Are you ok?" Buffy was concerned; he looked like he had broken a rib or something.
"I'm fine, I'm going to pull you now, try to stay still; this might hurt a little bit." He tried pulling her by the shoulders, but it just didn't work.
"I'm a slayer, Angel. I can handle pain." Precious seconds went by and she didn't bulge an inch, in fact blood was starting to pour from new wounds.
So Angel decided to change tactics, behind the columns was the kitchen and a window that was still intact, if Buffy could get to it she'd be saved, he just had to push her out of the place, problem was if he did, the whole thing might collapse on top of them, the column was the only thing between the upper floor and void of the basement, Angel could tell the whole thing would compact itself like a sandwich, Buffy and him stuck in-between them.
"Baby, Listen to me, we are gonna make it out of this, you just have to work with me."
"Ok, what do you want me to do?" Buffy was breathless by then, hanging onto the little oxygen left by a thread. To make things more complicated, fire was making the hair un-breathable, clouded with sulfur and ashes, the lobby and the studio where on flames behind them, and the heat was catching up with them.
"I'm going to push you up, you'll sit up and I'll squeeze you through the space…you'll go to that window over there and jump out of the building. I'll be right behind you. And you must be quick, or else you get burn, you hear me?"
"Ok, I'll try to do that." He started pushing her softly out, her body was slender so she managed to twist between the wreckage and got herself out easier than Angel had expected, she had huge scratches along her chest where the stones had been pressing, and she was bleeding profusely, but she was still the slayer, standing on her own two feet and ready to leave.
"Come now, Angel; this thing ain't gonna last long." Angel tried to get through the space; he was too big; he would never fit through that crack, so he stayed there, jumping back where he came from wasn't an option, fire had blurred the main entrance by then.
"I'm sorry, baby. I love you so much! You have to go, I won't make it out of this."
"No! I'll get you out of here!" Buffy became frantic, there was only one way out of that building, she had to get Angel out of it ASAP.
"No, Buffy! You are going to live…you are pregnant, you have to live!" Angel couldn't believe she hadn't talked to him about it, only reason he knew was instinct, he felt something had changed between them.
"You don't know, you can't be sure, it's only been a couple of weeks! …How can you say that? I can't live without you! I'll never leave you here!" Buffy hadn't accepted it herself, she had never been late before in her life, she thought there was something wrong with her body, it couldn't be a baby.
"Yes, you can! You can leave, and you will, I love you, now get out!" Buffy got out through the window, and the second she was out, she saw Dawn and many other guests telling her to go to them, Buffy thought about getting Dawn to use magic so she could stop the building from collapsing for a while, giver her enough time to get Angel out of it.
"I'll not leave you, we are gonna die together!" she whirled around and tried to climb back through the window; she wasn't going to leave him behind, she loved Angel, she hadn't gone through so many things just to leave him die like that.
"Buffy Ann Summers, you get you ass out here now! I'll not let you and our baby die here! I promise…I'll be watching you. Go! You must save yourself!" Before Buffy could get back inside the whole thing collapsed, a smaller earthquake had rattled the foundation completely; she saw how the building went down like a sand castle, for seconds she stood there motionless, covered in dust, her blood pouring onto the ground, then she felt the awful cloud of pain engulf her and she passed out; the Hyperion hotel had disappeared…and so had Angel.
"We gave your sister something to calm her down, she's a little upset, you should take her home; she'll be better there; the baby is fine though." Dawn had taken Buffy to the hospital when she had started crying non stop. It seemed like she was going through an episode of post traumatic syndrome again.
"That's good. What did you give her?" Dawn was living with her boyfriend a few blocks away from Buffy.
"Some valerian-root and chamomile tea, nothing to be worried about, she'll sleep better, hopefully." Doctor Shepherd had battled himself about Buffy's case, she had healed from her bruises miraculously quickly, but her soul had been torn by the accident, he couldn't give her real medication because of the baby, so he was forced to see her come back every few weeks, torn between pain and guilt, and him so powerless to help her.
"Ok, I guess I'll take her home," Dawn felt the same way, Buffy needed help but they weren't sure how they could give it.
"You do that; you call me if anything happens, ok?"
"I will, doctor Shepherd."
"You sure you are gonna be ok, Buffy? I can stay here with you, just for tonight." Dawn was concerned about her sister, as usual, but she had a lot of stuff to do back at her place.
"I'm perfectly fine, I just got a little emotional, won't happen again, this is the last time, I promise." Buffy had acquired a flat near her sister's home, a renewed building; she had inherited the taste for all things gothic and vintage from Angel, the place was mostly concrete and iron, not much wood that could get burned.
"I'll take a warm bath and go to bed, we'll see each other tomorrow." Said Buffy evenly, Dawn pounded the wisdom of that idea and decided Buffy was a grown woman, she deserved the benefit of the doubt. So she left, she had learned that Buffy usually preferred being left alone to being pitied.
"You have my phone number, you feel like anything you call me, I'll come right over… I love you, Buffy." Buffy gave her sister a hug and closed the door behind her, bolting it, in case there were any marauders; a single woman, alone at night, was always a target.
"I don't know why people think I can just forget him, cookie. He was my world; I've known him since I was sixteen years old. How could I pretend nothing happened?" Buffy had gotten the habit of talking to her baby when nobody else was around; they had a psychic connection, like Buffy and Angel had had.
"No matter how cute the guy is, or how nice things are, is not the same without Angel, you understand that, don't you?" Baby kicked in response, of course it knew, though very briefly, the baby had known Angel.
"I promised him I'll survive, but I didn't know how hard that would be for me." Another tear went down Buffy's face, they were endless, sometimes she'll start crying without even noticing, a picture, a place, and even just a faded smell could trigger her memory back, the feeling of Angel around her was as constant as her breath.
"Nothing to watch, once again, news, I hate the news, so much violence and politics…the cooking channel, not good enough. The shopping channel, that's even worse. I'll guess we have another night of insomnia coming on, cook."
Buffy rubbed her belly mindlessly, it was firm, and round all about as a watermelon, baby was going to arrive home just a couple of months. She missed Angel so much that sometimes she wished she had been the one to die in that fire, she couldn't sleep because every time she closed her eyes, she would see Angel stretching his arms to her, she would try to go towards him but she couldn't. So it was better not to sleep than face the recurrent dream again.
"I know, let's try to listen to something from that jukebox uncle Giles gave us." Giles had given Buffy a gramophone machine as a wedding present, it was shiny and full of colors like the ones done in the eighties, completed with a collection from the best done on acetate since Elvis Priestley, it had made her laugh, Buffy remembered Angel had thought of that movie they've seen in cable the other night: Ghost. He had liked that movie a lot, especially Demi Moore.
"This damn thing won't work again!" Buffy tried putting a nickel on the slot, it didn't work, she checked if it was connected and it was; the records were fine too; it just didn't want to work. No wonder Giles had paid twenty euros for it.
"I'll go to bed then. You win Angel; I'll not listen to this crap without you… And I won't sleep tonight either. Why did you have to go? I miss you so much. God, I'll give anything to see you again." The machine had initially malfunctioned during the quake, and nobody had ever been able to fix it, even though Buffy tried to restart it every night, it never worked.
Tired and angry, Buffy went to bed and wrapped the covers around her body, she started crying as soon as she laid her head upon the pillow, sometimes she could still smell Angel on it. As she was about to fall sleep she heard something…
"See The Pyramids
Along the Nile
Watch the sun rise
On a tropic isle
Just remember darling
All the while
You belong to me..."
Buffy heard the song and trembled, the machine had finally started all on its own, like some kind of miracle. Buffy got so startled by it that she stopped breathing.
"See the market place
In old Algiers
Send me photographs
'Til your dream appears
You belong to me..."
"Oh my god!" Buffy had loved that song; even though it was old and cheesy. It was such a sweet song Buffy had been singing it for weeks after the first time she heard it, tormenting Angel with it, he had hated it thoroughly, hiding the record when she had started using it against him.
"Jesus Christ! Is someone there? Angel, are you here? Can you hear me?" Only the song continued, the message loud and clear: No matter what, you'll always have me. Buffy sighed deeply and closed her eyes; maybe she could see him with the eyes of her soul. She was petrified that the machine would brake down again if she roused out of bed to touch it.
"I must be dreaming." Nothing, nothing was visible to the human eye, but Buffy felt like she was being lulled to sleep, when the song ended she buried herself inside the covers and fell asleep reluctantly; then she slept the night through, for the first time in months since Angel's accident; for once her dreams didn't torment her, she had seen the open arms and ran to them, feeling as though Angel himself had hugged her.
"God, I haven't slept like this in eons." Buffy didn't want to open her eyes the morning after, the sensation of calmness was too akin to contentment; Angel must had been there. She knew he was in heaven, where else could he be? So, for him to come down, and watch her sleep through the night, that must have been a miracle.
Buffy stretched out her hands, feeling like a dear child, besides her, there were a few rose petals, they've come from the window, she didn't remember leaving it opened the night before, but there they were. An essence of oil of roses was perfuming the room;
"People say this is how it smells when an angel has come down to you, Cookie." Buffy rose carefully, the ground was covered in white rose petals, when she arrived at the window, she found a huge bouquet of white roses wilting away, no card, just the roses, she wondered if that could be somebody else's work or had it been Angel's.
No matter who had sent it, or whom it had originally belonged to, it was a beautiful gesture.
"I'll be so alone
You'll be lonesome, too
You'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When its wet with rains
Till you're home again
Or until I come home to you
You belong to me…"
As she walked to her office, Buffy came across an old lady pushing a rusty shopping cart away, she was ratty and she had a dog, inside a box, barely peeking inside the load of crap she had collected, she was a homeless woman, a begger. The little dog she had, was missing a leg, that was probably why she was wheeling it with her treasures.
"Can I help you, ma'am? I'm a social worker, I run a shelter down at 57street, you should go there, it looks like it's gonna rain…we accept dogs too." The woman carried on like she hadn't heard Buffy at all.
"Can I get you something to eat?" Buffy walked over to the woman and touched her in the shoulder, she was small and emaciated but she was still undeniable female.
"No, missy, I won't be wanting nothing. You go take shelter, your baby needs it." Buffy was taken a little aback by the woman's response, she was fine. Did she look like she needed shelter too?
"I'm fine, really. I wish you'd come with me, so we could get some shelter together." Buffy took off her coat and placed it around the woman's shoulders, it was starting to drizzle.
"You and the tall dark man too?" Buffy felt chills go up her arms.
"Is there some dark man here?"
"Yeah! Right beside you, mighty handsome he is too, tall, dark, big eyes, he looks pissed, though, you should get over there, were it ain't raining, maybe that's what troubling him, you getting yourself sick." Buffy felt like she was going to pass out, that woman couldn't be seeing Angel, could she?
"Can you talk to him?" The woman started whistling and to Buffy surprise it was her song: you belong to me that made all of Buffy's hair stand on end, there was no way she could know, maybe she was one of those telepathic demons, or a messenger like whistler.
"He says something, though he's not very chatty…mmm, let me see," Buffy grabbed the woman's arm for dear life, if she could really see Angel beside her; it meant he wasn't in heaven; it meant that he was a ghost.
"Please tell me, I beg you…tell me what he's saying."
"Something about a fire? Forget it, He talks too fast." The beggar shrugged out of Buffy's reach leaving her behind.
"Oh I beg you!" Buffy's tears had begun to fall down her face by then.
"Fine…he's here, though he's not, I'm a blind old woman but I can see him, he wants to leave but he's hanging onto something, it's a strong need, he can't walk away from it."
"Tell him I love him."
"He knows that, child! That's part of why he stayed, he can't run away from your love, it's too strong…he wants you to stop crying, says he can't bear it, he yearns to comfort you but he can't…because you don't let him."
"Yes you can, baby! I hear you, I know you are there!"
"If you know he's there, why do you keep crying? You don't understand all he wants is to see you happy."
"Tell him I miss him a lot…and that I'll never forget him."
"You don't need to tell him that, he hears you. He ain't deft, girl. You are!"
"What?" Buffy pulled an umbrella out of her purse and covered them both; it had started pouring rain by then.
"He keeps sending you messages, but you don't see the signals, you gotta open your eyes to the world, girl; wherever you go, he'll be there with you, you just gotta know where to look." Then the woman left hurriedly and turned around the corner like she was some kind of super fast demon, Buffy ran after her, but she had disappeared.
When Buffy arrived at the office she was still confused, that woman had been some kind of specter, or now she was becoming delusional as well.
"I thought you weren't coming today, Buffy." Mike was handling the office that day, while Dawn did the field work.
"I didn't want to stay home. Do you've anything I can help you with?"
"Well, there's some filing to do, but I'm afraid you might mess up the system even more, why don't you sit over there and handle the phone?"
"That sounds easy enough. I'll do that."
"Have you thought about a name…for the baby I mean?"
"Some, I've got a few ideas, but nothing is written on stone, I though I waited until the baby was born. Get to know him or her, you know."
"You still don't wanna know what it is?"
"No, I like surprises, and this might be the last one I ever get…the only one actually. I can wait; it can only go two ways, so I bought white and yellow stuff mostly, nothing blue or pink."
"There's only a couple months left, I guess we can wait for that surprise… but don't you have a preference or something like that?"
"All I ask for is a healthy baby, boy or girl is the same to me… and it wouldn't hurt if looked a little bit like Angel."
Ring, ring; the phone rang and a few seconds after Buffy answered it.
"This is Angel-Summers, supernatural detectives at your service. May I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like to speak to Buffy…I believe that's her name," The man at the other end sounded alien to Buffy, his voice was deep and raspy, no clue of an accent whatsoever.
"You are speaking to her. What's your business with me?" Buffy thought that he had most likely gotten the number from a friend, they weren't exactly handling fliers all over the town. He had to know somebody from their world.
"I have a message for her…from Angel." Buffy didn't respond at first, maybe she had heard it wrong.
"Is this a prank? Because I don't think is funny." The man sighed and Mike, who had been standing across the room, turned-on the speaker, he wanted to listen to the man who was disturbing his friend so visibly.
"It is not. I need to talk to you personally, there's a message you must get…I'm a medium; I get messages from dead people. That's how I got your number." Mike said no with his head, Buffy shouldn't trust him, he was probably setting her up, god knows why.
"I'm going to hang up know mister, please don't call me again."
"Wait…fine, I get why you don't believe me, trust me, you are not the first. The thing is that I really need to give you a message. How can I prove you I'm real?" Buffy considered the question, what could he do that would make her believe in him?
"You're saying you can talk to dead people, right? Well prove it, tell me what he said to you; describe him to me." Buffy and Mike waited for what seemed like an eternity, he was murmuring something to himself.
"He is a man. The name is Liam…or Angelus. He says is both though you should know he is not Angelus. He wants you to know that Dawn is dangerous; I mean that Dawn is in danger; he's saying something about a werewolf. He is saying a lot of things, is hard to understand him because he's not a ghost, he's something like an Angel, he appears but not to the human eye. He's tall, brown eyes…oh he's Irish." Mike saw Buffy fighting her feelings, she seemed like she was going through something difficult inside her head.
"I need more details, ask him where and when." Said Buffy, her voice had gone hollow with the tears she was swallowing inside her heart, she wasn't going to cry.
"The day is today, he can't say exactly where it is but it's in the woods, some place called Sunnyvale?"
"Ok, you got me mister medium, I need to see you, there's a coffee shop at the corner of 55th and Main Street; it's a Starbucks. Would you meet me there tomorrow morning?"
"Sure, that sounds great…you should know there's a lot he wants to say, so I'm writing it down on a letter, I'll be giving it to you tomorrow."
"Ok, I'll meet you there around 9am. How would I recognize you?"
"It's not hard, I'm black, I'm blind and I have a golden retriever oh, and I use a red cane. You won't miss me."
"I'm coming with you." Buffy had packed her things, she was going to go save her sister; she wouldn't let Dawn get hurt by a werewolf.
"No, you are not; you'll stay here and look after the business. I'll be back tomorrow, Mike." Mike was perfectly capable of looking after the business for a while.
It hadn't been just one werewolf, it had been a pack, more than ten adults and some young ones, they had been terrorizing Sunnydale for weeks. Dawn had been attacked by two; she had managed to injure them but not to kill them. When Buffy arrived she had to summon some help from Willow to track down and neutralize the pack one by one.
Most of Buffy's day had been spent tracking and killing, so by the end of it she just took a bus and went home on a semi-zombie state; she had decided not to think about her on-coming rendezvous with the medium.
"Miss…we are here. I need you to step down." The bus driver saw Buffy sleeping soundly and reconsidered if he should wake her, but he had to go, she couldn't stay there.
"Oh! Yes, home, LA. I'll get off, give me a few minutes, I was kinda out there." Buffy had been dreaming, nothing coherent, fragments and images of the day, random synapses just shooting away.
When she stepped down she felt the sun warming her face, it was 8:30 in the morning; she closed her eyes and stayed motionless, sounds drifting by her. A calming sensation overtook her and she felt as if she had been reborn that instant, hunger latched at her, she hadn't eaten a thing in over 24 hours, her body begging for nourishment, and there was finally a light at the end of her tunnel, she would see Angel again one day not that far away, for now she'd have to settle with a letter.
"We'll be eating soon, Cookie. Mommy is fine, just fine." Buffy had saved her sister and her town form yet another menace, and it had all been thanks to Angel, she had been so shut-down emotionally that she hadn't felt him around her, from that point on she would pay attention, she'd be looking out for his signs.
"Wow, he said you would be pretty, but you are so…beautiful,"
"I thought you said you were blind." Buffy stayed standing in front of him; she had arrived late at the meeting.
"I am. I can't see your body, just your soul. It's so blinding, the light coming out of it."
"Do you have my letter?" Buffy wasn't too interested in chatting with the man; he was a little too much for frazzled nerves.
"Of course…I thought you'd want me to interlope between you. That's if you want to talk to him." Buffy sat down next to the man and opened the letter; the first few words stroked her anew:
My beloved Buffy, A gradh, Heart of my heart, soul of my soul:
It's been an eternity since the last time I touched you; you should know I've been more than lost without you. Heaven means nothing but endless pain when you do nothing but weep my absence; I feel it all, the grief, the guilt, the shame, even the fear. It's a constant battle between your soul and mine.
Why must you carry all those feelings when all I wanted was for you to live? Did I not give you enough reasons to be happy? Did I not love you enough that you must wish you had died instead of me? You deserved more than this, I never wanted this sort of pain for you …
Buffy's eyes went blurry with a flood of tears, so she closed the letter, she could continue reading later, it was ten pages longs, God knows how many things had Angel meant to tell her in that piece of paper.
"Can you hear him? Does he talk to you?"
"Yes, he is a very persistent specter. He's rather quiet now though. You wanna ask him something?"
"If he's ok. I mean—if he's in heaven or wandering around like a ghost?"
"He's not a ghost, but he isn't in heaven right now either, he got out of it."
"He says: he couldn't bear not being able to feel you. He needed to see you even if you couldn't see him."
"Oh! That sounds a lot like Angel…" more tears, Buffy thought they'd never stopped falling.
"He wants to know why you haven't named the baby properly. He doesn't like you calling it cookie."
"I just feel like he should've named it with me, I don't want to pick the wrong name."
"He says you are lying, that you are scared of getting too close, of getting hurt again when something bad happens. He says that you are acting like a fool, you'll never get this time again, the baby would be born just fine and whether you like it or not…she'll wrap her tiny hands around your heart and she'll never let go. You are her mommy and you need to love her like you love me and a lot more than that, regardless of the fact that I died for her…" Buffy couldn't speak a single word; she stood motionless, mouth hanging agape, breath caught in her throat.
"What—I don't blame. Excuse me; I need to use the restroom." Buffy just left, she said she was going to restroom but she took her purse and the letter and ran, hot tears going down her throat. She did love her, how could Angel of all people accuse her of wanting to keep distance, of blaming her child for loosing Angel.
If she hadn't existed, Buffy and Angel would have died together that day.
"I do love her!" Buffy got inside her car and turned the engine on, but didn't drive anywhere; she just stayed with her hands wrapped around the wheel.
"I do love her, Angel. but I'm scared, I don't want to move forward, I don't want my heart to feel again, I know the deeper I love her the more I'll miss you, if something happened to her I'll…I don't know what I'd do. This world, how could I bring her into it? There's so much pain, and danger. She's so small and fragile, how would I make sure she was safe all the time, I suck at this…I suck at everything. I can't do this without you!"
She glanced at the letter, the last words on a page where: you can and you will, for you, for her and most of all for me.
"Alright I hear you, I can and I will, but you have to help me, you have to give me your strength. You have to keep me sane. And you have to walk me through this… But you should know that I don't blame her, I can't. She's all I have left of you, how could blame her? If I had been in your place, I would've saved my wife and my baby too. I don't blame her, I blame me. I suck. I let you die."
She glanced at the letter again; another page had unfolded from the bunch. It said: You died to save the world many times, why can't I die to save you? You, the person that represented the world to me, my life and my soul; you were the only thing worth dying for. Why can't you accept my decision? I did it for you, so you could live.
"I should've saved you…but I couldn't, I had no choice."
"I had no choice! You took it from me, like you always did! I wanted to die with you!"
"My life is nothing without you. Why can't you understand that?" silence, he did understand, but he wanted her to see his side too, she was young and kind, why should she have died when there was so much more to live.
More lines: I understand your pain, but you had a life before me, and you'll have one after me. you'll get married again, you'll have more children, you'll travel around the world, and no matter what happens to you; you can always be sure that I'll be waiting for you, when you die I'll be here, you'll always belong to me. But you must promise me this: you'll live and you will be happy…for me, I want our daughter to know you happy and bubbly, like I did. It's what she deserves.
"I'll try, Angel! I will. I promise you I will." Buffy took a deep breath and placed the car on driving.
"I can and I will, for me, for you and for him, alright, Angie? We are gonna be happy for your daddy." Baby kicked in response, she had a name, finally, soon she'll have a life, perhaps even a home, a dad, even if he wasn't her daddy. She would have it all.
"I'm gonna give you everything you deserve, My baby." Buffy whipped the tears from her eyes, turned on the radio and drove on towards work, where her life awaited, she had friends, she had Dawn and most of all she had Angel's daughter growing inside her, she should at least try to be happy. She would be cheerful and bubbly like Angel had known her. She would be the kind of Buffy Summers their daughter deserved.
"My name is Buffy Summers and I lost my husband eight months ago during the earthquake…"
"Lets all give Buffy a hug; welcome to the support group for victims of February 12th, we all lost someone that day. If there's anything we can do for you, just say it, we are here for you."
"Thank you, I appreciate your help, we both do. I'm expecting a girl, I was due last week, so I'll probably go into labor anytime soon; I hope that's ok with you all."
"Of course it is, I'm a doctor, so you're safe with us. Do you want to talk about your husband?"
"He was a really good man, we met when I was in high school; we had known each other over 15 years when he…when he died. This is our baby, we had been trying for years but he couldn't and I didn't want to adopt. We conceived about a month before the quake."
"What did he do for a living?"
"We were running a hotel in downtown LA, the Hyperion; we were there when it happened… he died to save me… he died so Angeline and I could live."
"I'm really sorry, Buffy. This must be so hard for you to talk about."
"It is, but at least now I can talk about it without crying. I know he's always with me, in my heart, he knows we belong to him, and that we'll never forget him."
Buffy wrapped her hands around her necklace, it contained Angel's cladagh ring and her own; her fingers were too swollen so it didn't fit anymore, but she still wore them around her neck, she'd never forget his sacrifice.
"I had been really sad for a long time, until I realize he would always be there for me, now I try to have fun with my friends, I go out, I even have dates sometimes, but I never forget him. He's always there, at the back of my mind. He's become my angel. Me and Angie, we'll always belong to him."
On October 13th Angeline Celeste Summers was born at Cedars-Sinai, 7 pounds 2 ounces of healthy blondeness, she had Joyce's blue eyes and curly blonde hair, Buffy's puffy nose and Angel's serious brow, a little miracle come straight from heaven, she was a gift delivered by an angel.