WARNING- This is a crack fic with weirdness and alcohol and other crap!! Yaoi! Uke! Sasuke. Lemony!!

A/N- R&R... if you want. I really don't care. I'm just writing this story 'cause I'm bored and wanna write a crack fic!! ---- Also because I think I'm high on ramen... or drunk. Whichever! ---



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"Is your refrigerator running?"

"Umm, yes?"

giggle "Well, you better go catch it!" Hysterical laughing could be heard on the other line.

"Who the heck is this?" Asked a rather pissed blond. It was, after all, 2:00 in the morning.

More giggling. "The muffin man! Duh!"

"Okay, if this is some kinda joke-"

"Hey, don't yell at me little mister!"

The blond was now very confuzzled. "What?"

"You heard me!"

"Who are you?!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stop being so mean to me!"

"What are you PMSing? Who is this?"

"I can't believe you forgot me dobe! You're so meeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaan!"

"What the heck?! Sasuke?! Do you know what time it is?"

"Yup! It's..."

A long, dramatic pause.

"Peanut-butter jelly time! Way yeah, way yeah!"

"What the heck, are you high or somethin'?!"

A pause.

More silence.

"Hello? Did you die?"

More quiet.








"There coming..."

"Who's coming?"

"The men in white cotes."


"Shh. They can here us."

"I'm gonna hang up now."

"But I'm drunk!"

"I can see that..."


"Don't call me that."


"Stop calling me that, teme."




The blond sighs in defeat. "What do you want Sasuke-teme?"

Sobs could be heard on the other line. "Y-you called me t-teme! cries You-you meanie!"

"Wait, don't cry tem- I mean Sasuke!"

"Aw you sowy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. Now what do you want?"

"Hmmm... cookies!"


"Come pway wit me at my house! Pwease?"

"Sasuke, it's 2:00 in the morning..."



Then a fangirlish squeel was heard.


Naruto hung up the phone. This was turning out to be a very odd night...

::Ten minutes later at Sasuke's house::

The blond knocked on the door for only two seconds before it flew open and a certain raven was huggling him. "Sasuke, get off me!" The other teen let go reluctantly and made the sexiest pouting face ever. Naruto tried not to get a nose bleed as he took in the other's appearance.

"What are you doing in a maid's outfit Sasuke?"

"I was pwaying dwess up. Why, you don't like it?"

The raven pouted more, if possible, and Naruto bit his bottom lip. Must... resist... sexy... teme...

The raven's pout turned into a smile almost instantaneously as he led the other into his large house and closed the door behind him.

The place smelt of alcohol and there were empty bottles strewn all over the room. He was even more drunk than the blond had realized. I guess I have to stay and watch over him... He's gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.

"Naru-chan, let's play hide-and-seek!"

The blond smiled amusedly. Sasuke was so childish when he was drunk.

"Alright, I'll count, and you hide."

The raven nodded happily and took off as soon as Naruto began counting.

Once the blond had reached 30, he began his search for the raven. "Oh Sasuke, where are you...?"

Giggles could be heard from a bedroom nearby and Naruto smirked to himself. He slowly and quietly approached the bedroom and stood just outside the door.

"Hmm, I wonder where Sasuke is..."

More giggles were heard.

"I wonder if he's in the bedroom..." The blond mused as he slowly creaked the door open.

Well, he found Sasuke. In the room. On the bed. Nude. Sprawled out looking delectably delicious, might I add.

The blond quickly rushed his hand to his nose to stop the red liquid from flowing. The raven only smirked.

"Aww, Naru-chan found me." Sasuke pouted once again, but this time the blond couldn't help himself as he ran up to the bed and strattled Sasuke.

"You wouldn't take advantage of me when I'm drunk would you?" The raven asked huskily.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Please, you were practically begging for it."

"True, true. So, are you gonna just sit on me all day or are you gonna take advantage? Trust me, you'd be surprised at how horny being drunk makes you."

He didn't need to tell Naruto twice. Their lips suddenly connected in a sloppy kiss as they sucked on each other's tongues like their lives depended on it. Naruto meekly moved his hands down the raven's pale sides, making the other boy shiver with excitement.

The blond parted lips with the other boy only to move them further down to two hard nubs, and he began sucking on one roughly, earning a very pleased moan from the raven. He soon switched to the other, completing the same ministrations.

"Na... Naru-chan, you're wearing entirely too much clothing."

The blond smirked. "You can help me with that." The other boy nodded and before anyone could blink, Naruto's clothes had miraculously disappeared. "Anxious much?" Sasuke sneered, but gasped when he felt a warm mouth enclose his throbbing member.

"Ah... Na... ru... chan..." Loud groans could be heard from the raven's soft lips.

The blond scraped his teeth lightly again the exposed flesh, enjoying the animalistic noises he was provoking. His hands anxiously pumped what his mouth could not reach, and he almost choked as the boy before him bucked his hips upward roughly.

Sasuke shuddered as he released into the blonde's mouth.

"Mmm, Sasuke, you taste so good." The raven pulled the blond back up to place a chaste kiss on him.

They pulled apart for breath, and stared into each other's lust filled eyes. Finally, Sasuke spoke. Though, it was not what the other boy expected.

"Naru-chan... take me now."

Naruto blinked, once, twice, thrice.


The blond was brought out of his trance state of mind at hearing these words. "Gladly."

He placed his fingers in front of the other's mouth. "Suck." Sasuke obliged eagerly and once Naruto thought his fingers were well lubricated, he placed them just in front of Sasuke's puckered entrance. He slowly pushed in one finger, let Sasuke adjust, then added another and began moving around. Soon after, he added a third and searched for that special spot.

"Ahh! Naru-chan!"


He memorized the spot and slowly pulled his fingers out, hearing a whimper from the raven.

Finally, the blond positioned himself and cooed gentle words to Sasuke. He pushed in the tip, trying to maintain his self control, and continued on after receiving a small nod from the other boy. His pace began to quicken and he couldn't contain himself as he heard delectable moans coming from Sasuke.

"Nnn... Naru-chan... mnnnmnmmaahh..." The boy thrust into his prostate constantly and finally couldn't take the heat from the other boy anymore, and came into Sasuke, who soon followed suit. They snuggled next to each other sweetly, Naruto holding Sasuke protectively in his arms.

"Mmn, night teme..."

"Don't call me that... meanie."

Naruto chuckled lightly. "Shh, go to sleep Sasuke."

Sasuke smiled contently and they soon drifted into a peaceful slumber.

Yay! Crack fic!! ------------------------------------------