SATURDAY, APRIL 28TH, 2007

2pm

In bed with my pillow over my head. My dad and his friends are being unbearable. If I have to hear one more joke like "Why did the cook throw the butter out the window? He wanted to see butterfly!" I'll scream.

The worstest part is, they're not even drunk yet . All they've been drinking is water out of the tap, and I know it's fine because I was drinking out of it moments ago. But I saw how much beer there is in the fridge, and so I've barricaded myself in my room and locked all the windows. Except for one, in case they burn the house down and I need to escape.

I am a prisoner in my own home, like whosit--Brenda or whatever.

3pm

Thank god ! They ALL went outside. Now I can go to bed. Why waste a perfectly good Saturday cleaning when you could be sleeping?

3:30pm

Can't sleep--the Bulldozer is awake. He's only 4 months old and he already drives me nuts.Whenever I have to change his diaper, he rolls away, and he LOVES to grab handfuls of my hair and pull it out when I am asleep. I am 16 years old ! Full of maturity (ish) ness ! Why do I have to share MY room with a baby?

4pm

The hair-pulling-out thing is a bit of a blessing, though.Painful, but yes, a bit of a blessing. You see, I have WAY too much hair...like Chaka Khan hair, but only not so stylish. And my hair is blonde. And I am white. I am actually probably the whitest person you'll ever meet. I burn so easily,too, that I burn at night. I am not even kidding, Sadly.

5pm

My bff John called. He's been my best friend since we both sat in the nurses office together with purple crayons up our nose in Kindergarten great minds think alike! .Anyways, John'll be here to protect me from the Ancients in 2 hours.

7:30pm

Fixing John dinner. He works at the front desk at a local resort at front desk, doing basically what I do here--clean, answer phones, and deal with rude people and stupid questions.Only he gets paid.

All quiet on the Dad front.

7:45pm

Uh-oh, all quiet untill now.They--and by "they" I mean the drunks--have come in for more beer. John and I retreated to my room. We pushed my heavy clothes dresser in front of the door.We know better than to get in between a drunk and his drink.

10pm

John went home ; he had to work early tommorrow.

We discussed crappy Olds. He says his want to kick him out or if he stays, he has to get a JOB and pay RENT. Yikes!

Dad said the same thing. You know, the whole " You-graduated-now I skipped 9th grade because I was homeschooled -and -in -an- adult- world, so- you- must -accept adult-responsibilities" crap speech. I hope I never get old. I'll probably kill myself after my prime age. John says men peak at 25 and women at 30 because men are more mature. I said :

"Yeah, but I'm not the one with a Smurfs tie on .".

When he left he had to crawl out the window because we couldn't budge the dresser--it got wedged in the door jamb.

11pm

All snuggly in bed. I can hear the Loons farting and laughing all the way out in the workshed.Even over "The Blob". Turn the movie up...aaaaaah, better.

11:50pm

Dad came crashing in, yelled at me to "Turn tat named doise down!" then crashed out again.

Literally.

We don't have a screen on the backdoor anymore.

SUNDAY, APRIL 29TH, 2007

6am

Dreamt The Blob was eating my face. Woke up and Johnathon was sucking on the huge pimple on my chin.

Great, my little brother gave me a hickey.

7am

Dad still snoring away. I can see he had a good time last night by all the chairs and lamps he knocked over while trying to find his bed.

Which,by the way, is on the other side of the house.

Maybe I can sneak in and get my hot water and lemon juice (very cleansing for the pores) and a little breakfast. But first, my bladder is calling.

7:05am

OHMYGOD I went into the kitchen and my dad was standing there making coffee...in his undwear !!!! OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ran into my room, pulled the shades, locked the door, and am back in bed under my covers. I AM NEVER GETTING OUT OF BED AGAIN !!!!!

OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD !!!!!!

Noon

One of Dad's friends from last night is here. I know from the tires screeching and the loud crappy music. That's what woke me up.

1:45pm

They're trying to load Dad's pushmower on the back of Curtis' truck. It's quite hilarious to watch. They are still a bit tipsy from the night before, and keep dropping the lawn mower on each others' feet.

It's like watching The Three Stooges, only there's 2 stooges. And it's actually funny.

UHOH Dad just looked up and 'round at my window! I am going back to bed.

3pm

Dad keeps knocking at the door telling me I need to go outside as it's good for me and useless crap like that.I tried to pretend I was asleep but Dad unlocked my door (have to remember to hide the butter knives) and pulled the covers off of me.

I fell to the floor screaming "I'm melting!I'm melting!" but Dad just said "I'm giving you 30 minutes to get your butt outside" and left.

You'd think think that if Dad wanted me to be healthy, he'd care if his ONLY DAUGHTER was a puddle on the floor . But obviously not.

3:30pm

It's boiling out! It has to be at LEAST 100F out here . It's so hot it's making me weak. I can barely move! I am going to have a little lie-down with Johnathon in the shade for a bit. I can put on an egg mask and relax and beauty-ify myself at the same time.

7pm

Yikes! I slept for over 4 hours! I'm suprised I wasn't boiled alive. But I don't even have a tan.I'm just really really itchy. It's probably poison ivy knowing my luck.

7:01pm

EEEEW, ants are crawling all over me!!!!!!!!!!!! My face mask made them crawl on me. They were eating my face !!!!!! Nature is so disgusting!

7:30pm

Took a nice,long hot bath but I still creepy-crawly. Dad says I am over-reacting, but HE didn't wake up, his face covered in ants !!!!!!!!!!!!

9pm

Cleaning my room and getting ready for bed (yes, unasked to and yes, at 9pm...that's how pathetic my life is) and found a $100 bill in a pocket of some jeans crumpled at the bottom of my closet.

Shopping spree tomorrow !!!!