Title: Hermione's Hiccups

Summary: Draco Malfoy has had enough with Hermione Granger's annoying hiccups. They have lasted all day and at this point he is willing to do anything, anything, to get them to stop. Even kiss the damn Mudblood.ONE-SHOT!

It is probably the most annoying sound Draco Malfoy has ever heard his entire life. It has lasted all day and nothing has worked to rid the students of it. No one, not even the teachers, know why nothing has worked or why it has lasted so long. Nobody seems to know a spell to fix the dilemma and all remedies seemed futile. Professor Snape kicked her out of Potions because she was irritating him with the sound and she ran out, huffing and puffing about how 'unjust' it was. She couldn't really finish her rant though because it was rudely interrupted by that dreadful sound that was starting to get under Draco's skin.

Hermione Granger has had hiccups ever since breakfast.

Ron Weasley tried to scare her in the corridors but only ended up getting hurt. Hermione was awfully frightened and punched the red head in the eye. After that, her hiccups were as strong as ever. Harry Potter made her drink about five glasses of water, only resulting in having her run off to the bathroom without asking in the middle of Advanced Charms. Ginny Weasley then cornered her during lunch and forced Hermione to hold her breath for thirty seconds. When that didn't work she upped it to one entire minute. The brunette was quickly turning purple and gave up.

None of the old tricks were working. Hermione Granger had a tough case of the hiccups.

It was now nighttime and Draco was in the library, researching for an Ancient Ruins project. He could hear her in the far side of the library, hiccupping and frantically searching for a spell to cure her of her little problem. Draco felt like pulling his hair out and afterwards throwing a heavy book at her. Maybe knocking her unconscious would snap it out of her. He groaned as the hiccupping got louder and he swore he heard her whimper in annoyance and frustration.

Taking a deep breath, Draco flipped the pages of a thick, torn book. He was trying desperately to focus on his homework and not murdering Hermione Granger. As another squeaky hiccup flowed into his ear, he slammed his book shut. He massaged his temples and tried to calm down but when he heard her once again, it only succeeded in aggravating him deeply. The fucking supposed 'smartest witch of our time' can help defeat Voldemort but she can't rid herself of those damn hiccups! You've got to be kidding me!

HICCUP! "That is it!" Draco muttered, angrily. He gathered his things and went looking for her.

When he found her, he had to restrain from killing himself. The sound was just so completely exasperating to him. Hermione was sitting on the floor, stacks of books surrounding her. Her hair was a tad more tousled than usual and that was a result of her constant jumping at each hiccup. Her cheeks were extremely flushed and lips were in an annoyed pout. She had one hand on her chest, while the other opened another book.

Hermione looked absolutely adorable.

"Ouch," she muttered after another hiccup.

"Will you please spare us all and find a damn cure?" Draco said, nastily.

"Malfoy, just back—hiccup—off alright? My chest hurts, I'm tired, and very annoyed!" she retorted.

"You're annoyed? Granger, I'm ready to slit my wrists!"

"Well, that sounds like a great—hiccup—idea!"

"Look, perhaps you don't understand the bloody migraine you have given me today! My head is ready to burst. Haven't you found anything useful in those damn books?"

"No, if I did I wouldn't be—hiccup—anymore!"

"You're the top of our class and you can't solve this problem? You're pathetic!"

"I don't see you having a cure!"

Draco glared at her. "I could solve it in an instant." HICCUP!

"I don't care if you can. I don't want your help," she said, crossing her arms.

"You know what, Granger? Go to hell. I hope your damn chest falls to pieces from those damn hiccups!"

"Get out before I—hiccup—hex you!"

Draco sneered at her and turned around. He was ready to leave her behind with her stupid hiccups when he heard her sigh in surrender.

"Help," she whispered.

"What?" he said, turning back to her and smirking.

"You—hiccup—know what I said."

"Yes, but I like to hear you grovel."

"Help, dammit!"

Draco smiled smugly and sat on the floor, opposite her. "Have you tried all the books on any sort of throat spells?"

"Yes," she answered. HICCUP!

"Well, let's see…maybe you overlooked something."

The blonde grabbed a random book and, leaning against a bookcase, flipped through the pages patiently. His eyes scanned the index and he quickly turned to the chapter titled 'Nifty Throat Spells'. Dragging his finger along the pages, he had to take a deep breath to refrain from throwing the book at her head.

Hermione whimpered and slammed the book she was currently checking. It fell open and she had to control herself from ripping it to bits. She huffed and crossed her arms like a little child. A large hiccup was emitted from her mouth.

"Bloody hell!" she yelled, angrily.

"Okay, this is officially getting out of hand! Why the hell won't your fucking hiccups go away?!" Draco groaned.

"I—hiccup—don't know! Help me, you imbecile!"

She hiccupped again and Draco tackled her to the floor. He pinned her arms above her head and a look of fear crossed her eyes. He snarled at her and her eyebrows furrowed in worry. Her breathing quickened and her eyes darted around the room nervously.

"Did I frighten you, Granger?" he whispered into her ear.

"Yes! Did they go aw—hiccup—," she sighed. "I guess not."

"I don't think you realize how much your hiccups bother me. The sound crawls under my skin and ruins all focus and concentration I may possess. Every time I see your little body leap as a reaction to it, I feel like gauging my eyes out. Your cheeks have been pinking all day because of it and…," Draco breathed against her neck. He felt her chest hit against his gently as she hiccupped. "I don't think I ever realized how utterly charming your hiccups are."

"Ch-Charming?" HICCUP!


Draco dragged his lips against her jaw line and grinned slightly as her hiccups continued. He nipped at her skin softly and placed chaste kisses on her neck. He brought his lips to her full ones and kissed her deeply. He loosened his grip on her wrists and then let go. Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck and responded eagerly. They kissed heavily for several minutes and when they finally pulled away they both noticed how eerily quiet it was.

Hermione's hiccups finally stopped.

"Thank you," she murmured.

"For the kiss or stopping your hiccups?"


Draco grinned and lifted himself away from her. She sat up and was blushing furiously. He gathered his things and stood up.

"Anytime you have hiccups…let me know."

Hermione couldn't help but smile and nod gingerly. "See you later…"

He grinned once again and then winked at her. He turned and left her behind with the numerous piles of useless books.

Sighing, Hermione started putting them all away. She finally came upon the book that she had previously thrown aside in fury. Her eyes widened in shock when she saw what exact chapter it had opened to.

'Hiccup Helpers'.

A/N: Just a charming little one-shot I decided to write to blow off some steam. I hope you guys liked it. Read, enjoy, & review!