This story is from me and my friend Jon. We get really board in class and this is what happens. Enjoy!
PhantomKat is in normal and Jon is in Bold
Carter: Yes, sir. Like gravity. The force of the gravimatrix stabilizer reverses the polarity if the power cuplinks every terisecond the machine is operational.
Jack: What did she say.
Daniel: It's all very simple...
Rodney: If it were simple, I would've done it by now.
Carter: What are you doing here?
Rodney: Sometimes it's better not to know the answer to that question.
Jack: Ooh, I remember now. You're here for the new alternate universe thingy that came from Atlantis.
Shepard: Alternate universe? I thought this was time travel. Why else would O'Neill still be a colonel?
Jack: I can change my rank any time I want. We do it all the time.
DJ: No, we don't
DJ looks at Jack inquisitively. Jack gives him the look like "play along"
DJ: Oh, right. Yeah, they do that all the time.
Jack: Anyway, I'm good with it as long as it doesn't include time looping.
Rodney: Is that all he can say?
DJ: Well, he never really had to say a lot at his old job. Just yes, no, cree (whatever the hell that means), and indeed is almost all that was tolerated there.
He rambles on a bit longer until noticing that the others had stopped listening to him a while ago. Teal'c got bored and started juggling. Jack, consequently, ran out of the room screaming and waving his arms in the air like a wild man.
Jack: No time looping! No! No!
Shepard: (to Carter) Did he ever get over that?
Carter: No. Even if you mention time looping he shudders. Watch. Hey, Colonel, (he looks up) Time looping. (Jack shudders) Time looping. (He shudders) Time looping, time looping, time looping.
Jack shudders uncontrollably. Teal'c raises an eyebrow.
Rodney: Hey! He did something other than say 'indeed'! Finally!
Carter: (to Rodney) You probably shouldn't pester him anymore. I've seen him trash the weight room before. Apparently, he had lost his temper and picked up the bench-press and threw it across the room, through the wall, and into the mess hall, where he regained his composure by eating the banana pudding.
DJ: When he's mad he's like a…like a Wookie! He could rip your arms off.
Shepard: It sounds like Carson on a bad day.
Carson walks in.
Carson: You bet it does!
Rodney and John jump.
Carson: How many times do I 'alfta tell you lads? Don't try to escape from the infirmary! Do you know how long it'll take to clean up that pudding?
John: But we're fine.
Carson: Having your soul sucked out, switched, switched back and getting impaled by a pointed stick does not sound fine to me.
John: The stick wasn't that pointed…
Beckett: Ya, that stick wasn't that pointed, and that Wraith hiveship wasn't about to explode while you were still on it either.
John: Yep, that's exactly how it was.
Beckett: And you didn't shoot the Wraith with your huge gun and win the heart of the chief's daughter.
John: Well, that might have happened…
Beckett: Well, you still need to get back to the infirmary. Come on. Let's go.
Enter Gen. Hammond.
GH: You all weren't just about to go? We're about to start up the thing from Atlantis, and we'd love to have a couple more test subj…I mean, participants in this experiment.
Jack: Well, you know me sir. I never could resist something shiny.
Beckett: I don't think he was askin' you.
GH: Well, John?
John: Well, you know me sir. I never could resist something shiny.
Jack: Wait. Didn't I just say that?
Rodney: IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?!
John: Rodney, shut up and go invent something shiny that has a button I can push because I don't know what it does!
DJ: What's going on?
Jack: You're just a civilian, so you wouldn't know.
Teal'c: I believe that was what is known as a burn.
Rodney: You actually said a sentence! Thank you!
He runs over and hugs Teal'c. DJ clears his throat.
DJ: (whispering to Rodney) Remember the Wookie.
Rodney quickly lets go to Teal'c. Teal'c raises and eyebrow.
GH: Colonel Shepard are you going to try out this device?
John: Yes, sir. What do I do?
GH: Just put your thumb on this pad and your palm here.
He does as GH says. GH pushes a button and…an electric shock surges through John's body! He walks around dazed for a moment and then starts to sing.
John: 'Cause I've
got a golden ticket!
I've got a golden chance to make my way,
And with a golden ticket, it's a golden day!
Jack: Why is he singing songs from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory?
John: Who can take a
Sprinkle it with dew
Cover it in chocolate
And a miracle or two?
The candyman. The candyman can.
Carter: Just as long as he doesn't sing an Oompa Loompa song.
Carson: What would happen then?
Carter: Teal'c would go all Wookie on him.
John: Oompa Loompa
I've got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa doompadeedee
If you are wise, you'll listen to me.
Teal'c lets out and angry Wookie yell.
Teal'c: Angry Wookie yell!
Teal'c starts running towards John, grapples him, (still running) flings/swings him to the wall, draws back his fist, and punches through the wall just a hair away from John's face. You can tell he had to work pretty hard to miss. Ha, you said grapple.
Carson: How do you stop this?!
Jack: Quick! Sing 'Under the Sea'!
Jack: Just do it!
John: The seaweed is
In somebody else's lake.
You dream about going up there
Well, that is a big mistake.
Rodney: How is this supposed to help?
Jack: It's not. I just thought it'd be funny.
John is still dodging Teal'c's attack.
John: (to the tune of 'Under the Sea') I'd like some help! I'd like some help!
Carter: Colonel, I think you should tell him.
Jack: Fine. Sing 'I Just Can't Wait to be King'.
John: I'm gonna be a
mighty king so enemies beware
Well I've never seen a king of beasts with quite so little hair.
I'm gonna be the main event, like no king was before
I'm brushin' up, I'm lookin' down, I'm workin' on my roar!
As John sings nervously, Teal'c stops dancing and starts dancing.
DJ: Now wait just a second here. I don't remember Teal'c ever dancing. He never dances, so we must be in an…
Jack: Alternate Universe.
DJ: Yes! But, how did you know what it was?
Jack: Oh, come on. It's always an alternate universe.
Carter: Ya know, I think you're right. I've noticed minute differences in this conference room since John pressed that button.
Teal'c still dancing.
DJ: I think that's Spanish, sir.
Teal'c: Esto es muy extraño. Y no puedo dejar de builando.
Jack: Translation please.
DJ: I'm pretty sure he said 'This is very strange. And I can't stop dancing."
Jack: Was können wir machen?
Carter: Sir, I didn't know you could speak German.
Jack: Ich habe nicht gewusst, dass ich Deutsch entweder sprechen kann.
Carter: Daniel, que dit-il?
Jack: Was haben Sie gesagt und warum sprechen Sie Französisch?
Daniel: (thoroughly confused) Well Jack said that he didn't know that he could speak German either. Carter asked what he said, and Jack asked what she said and why are you speaking French.
Teal'c: Yo todavía no puedo dejar de balinado.
DJ: He still can't stop dancing.
Rodney: Perché siamo tutto il parlare le lingue diverse?
DJ: He wants to know why we're speaking different languages.
Carson: How many languages do you know?
DJ: A lot.
Carter: Comment arrêtons-nous? (Translation: How can we stop this?)
DJ: I don't know. Hang on a minute.
He reads some ancient text or other.
DJ: Okay all we have to do is dance the Chicken Dance.
Jack: Sie scherzen, ja? (Translation: You're kidding, right?)
DJ: Nope, everyone in a circle.
Rodney: Questo é ridicolo. (Translation: This is ridiculous)
Carter: Être silencieux et commencer à danser, Rodney. (Translation: Shut up and start dancing, Rodney.)
Rodney: Che? (Translation: What?)
DJ: Since when do you speak Italian?
Carter just shrugs. They all begin to dance. Duh na na na na na nuh, Duh na na na na na nuh. Na na na na. Clap, clap, clap, clap. (If you can picture SG-1, part of SGA-1, Carson, and Gen. Hammond doing the Chicken Dance it prolly looks really weird and really funny. Especially Teal'c doing it.) Na na na na na na na naa. Na nana nana. Na na na na na na na naa. Naa na na Nana Na na na na! Duh na na na na na nuh, etc.
Carson: How much longer do we keep this up, lad?
DJ: until everyone speaks English again. Are you guys still speaking different languages?
Rodney: Yes. I mean no! Alright! I don't speak Italian any more! Whoot!
He does his victory Chicken Dance.
Jack: Glücklich. (Translation: Lucky)
DJ: Just keep dancing guys.
GH: How exactly is this supposed to help?
DJ: The hieroglyphics on the machine said that if the gods are angered, an event like the Tower of Babel will occur.
Jack: So, wir haben der Hänchen Gott von tanzen zornig gemacht? (Translation: So we made the Chicken god of Dancing mad?)
DJ: Yep, pretty much.
Carson: Surely, there must be a betta way to do this.
DJ: There's no alternative, and don't call me Shirley.
Carson: Ok. Alright. (to himself) Someone secretly played with dolls as a kid.
DJ: Did you say something?
Carson: Me?! No, no. cough crazy cough
Everyone is still dancing.
Jack: So, how do we know if we're done?
Carter: I'd guess just to make sure that we all understand each other, except for Daniel.
DJ: Why not me?
John: Well, it's pretty hard to get what you're saying even in English.
Carson: Well, keep dancin', lads. Dancin' will make all the foreign languages go away.
GH: Is everyone back to normal.
All Except Teal'c: Yes!
John: That was English, right? I'm pretty sure that was English.
Teal'c: Ésto no es ingles.
Jack: He's still speakin' Spanish 'cause Spanish speakers are always the hardest to get rid of.
GH: Eh. Why not?
DJ: Wait! Stop dancing.
Carter: But won't that kill him?
DJ: I don't know, I'm not a scientist!
Rodney: Well, I am?
Carter: So will he die?
Rodney: I dunno. It's not like I'm a doctor.
Everyone looks at Carson.
All are still doing the chicken dance.
Jack: But I thought the squiggles on the shiny thing said for all to dance until this is solved or suffer the consequences. Or something like that. That's always how it is.
John: He's got a point there.
GH: Well, I'm tired, and I'm late for my granddaughter's play. So, do what you end up doing anyways, Jack.
Jack: Aye Aye, Captain.
He stops dancing and since he stopped everyone does the same.
Jack: See? Nothin' to worry about.
As soon as he says this, everyone except Teal'c goes "Poof" in a big cloud of smoke all disappearing-like.
So that was the first chapter. I think I translated everything. If you know the language and the translations were wrong, please correct them. I used a translator for the French, Italian, and Spanish. The German came from me and the Spanish in bold came from Jon. Hope you liked. The next chapter of randomness will be up soon!