"Hey girls! What do you know? If you have style you have to let it show. Come on now and dance with me: I will see you all when you get to Club G." I sang along with the television commercial for the most gigundoly wonderful place in the world Club G at the top of my lungs.
"Karen, I do not like that song. I do not like it at all," whined my little brother Andrew. He is sometimes a big pest. Well make that he is a pest all of the time.
"Andrew," I said impatiently, "Club G is really cool. Here I will show you latest catalog for Club G clothing and accessories." I shoved the catalog in Andrew's face so he would be sure not to miss it. Boys can be so stupid sometimes.
Andrew scowled at me, "I do not want your silly catalog. Leave me alone Karen or I will tell Mommy!"
I guess I should introduce myself. I am Karen Brewer. I do not have a middle name. I am seven years old and in the second grade. I should be in the first grade but I skipped a grade because I am gigundoly smart. Andrew is my little brother. He is four years old. Sometimes he goes to preschool but mostly he lounges around the house and whines. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. Andrew looks a lot like me except I have glasses. I have two pairs of glasses. Well I have two of everything in the world but the glasses are different. I'll get back to the two of everything in the world part later. I have a pair of pink glasses for reading and blue glasses for everyday use.
It was a little house Friday afternoon. Andrew and I were in the living room watching television. Our favorite show 'Katie Kitty' was on but it was time for a commercial break. My favorite commercial for my favorite place was on. Club G is a place which sends catalogs with toys, clothes, furniture, make-up, hair stuff and accessories for girls my age in the mail. There are even real Club G stores. There is one in New York City. That is the closest one to Stoneybrook, Connecticut where Andrew and I live. Mommy refuses to take me to Club G. She says it is too far away to drive for a store. Boo and bullfrogs! That is what I say whenever I am mad or sad. Mommy just rolls her eyes at me.
The Club G catalog comes in the mail once every month. All my friends get the Club G catalog too. So far no one has been able to convince their parents to let them order anything from Club G. Except for Pamela Harding who has come to school in a Club G sweatshirt and hat before. But Pamela does not count because she is my enemy. Only my friends count and none of them have anything from Club G yet. We are gigundoly jelly of Pamela Harding. We say "jelly" instead of jealous because it makes us sound cool like my big sister Kristy and her friends. Kristy does not say "jelly" but she says things like "dibble" and "chilly". I do not say those words because I had to be original and come up with my own word. I bet Kristy would be jelly of me because she did not come up with it first.
In case you were wondering, the "G" in Club G stands for G. That means girls only and no boys allowed. I do not like boys. Except for maybe Ricky who I married on the playground and the boys in my family I do not like boys very much. Boys are so icky and stinky. Andrew is my brother but he is no exception to this rule.
"Andrew, just look at what all you can buy from Club G." I opened the catalog and flashed it in front of his face.
Andrew hit the catalog away, "I said I do not care Karen so leave me alone."
"No Andrew," I snapped at him, "I will not leave you alone until you say Club G is the coolest thing in the world. I bet if we combine our allowances we can buy a Club G logo shirt or a Club G teddy bear. We can take turns wearing the shirt and playing with the bear."
"The shirt will not fit me if it is big enough to fit you Karen. You are a fatso. I do not want the bear because it is a girl bear. I am a boy." Andrew said rudely.
I was very mad. Fatso? Who did Andrew think he was? I slapped Andrew and jumped on top of him. I began pulling his hair. Andrew started to whine and cry so I kicked him.
"You are hurting me Karen! Stop please." Andrew sniffled through his tears.
I punched him harder, "You called me a fatso! You are a big meanie mo head Andrew. What did I even do to you to deserve being called a fatso?"
Andrew started to yell, "Mommy! Mommy!"
I covered his mouth with my hand. Andrew was getting what he deserved. I did not want Mommy to rescue him. He is spoiled and stupid. I told him so. "You are a spoiled rotten brat. I do not like you."
Unfortunately for me Mommy rushed into the room and pulled me off of Andrew. "Karen! What is the meaning of this?"
"Andrew is a rude brother. I do not like him. He called me a fatso. I am not fat but he is a meanie mo." I pointed at Andrew who was sitting on the floor sniffling and crying. He had a bloody nose. I felt quite proud of myself when I saw it.
"Karen you are a liar. Mommy she tried to force me to look at her Club G catalog. And when I said no thank you she began acting very mean and was going to hurt me." Andrew looked very pathetic and convincing as he lied to Mommy. It was so unfair. He knew I did nothing wrong and it was all his fault.
Mommy sent me to my room. I was mad at how unfair she was being but I still had my catalog. I sat down on my bed and tried to forget about how Andrew had tricked Mommy and gotten out of trouble again. What a brat! I began making a list of things from the catalog I wanted. Maybe Daddy would order some of them for me. I was going to his house tomorrow. I could hardly wait.