PREVIOUSLY ON HARRY POTTER:
Severus Snape has murdered Albus Dumbledore in a brutal battle between the Death Eaters and Hogwarts! Harry has made the most dangerous decision: after Dumbledore's death, he knew it was the last straw. Voldemort must be stopped. Harry decided he will not be returning to Hogwarts, but instead will embark on the quest to break the remaining four Horcruxes and, most importantly, to kill Voldemort.
We now join Harry at Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour's wedding reception in the summer. There is dancing, laughter, and the occasional person falling over and stumbling around drunk. Our dear Harry, of course, is not the happiest camper, even though he has tried hard to make himself have a good time, but, as one can imagine, when one's beloved headmaster died, it can have a massive effect on someone. Especially someone who's had as rough of a time through life as Harry. One would think so, at least.
Harry stood against the wall, sipping listlessly at his pumpkin margarita (virgin, might I add). He watched the joyous chaos swirling around him; right now a crazy cross between a polka and a waltz was playing, and tubas, clarinets and trombones blasted out the crazy rhythm as people hopped around the dance floor, some stumbling around and falling over drunk—the dancers just ignored them and stepped over them. Even Bill was literally howling with joy as he hopped around with a laughing Fleur in his arms.
Great, Harry thought, he's a freaking Werewolf and he's having more fun than me. What's wrong with me?
He kept glancing at his watch angrily; Fred and George instructed him that that had some important news to tell him tonight. Harry was beginning to think they had had one shooter too many as an excuse for their tardiness and took another sip of his drink and tried to avoid Ginny's glances from across the room as she also sipped at her drink…
"Ah! Harry!" Fred called, and the twins, along with Percy, were strolling up to him, "There you are! Having fun?" he asked as he gave a friendly clap on the shoulder.
"Yes," Harry said unemotionally, "Now, what is it? I can't stay for too much longer, I need to get back to start planning for my…"
"Quest?" said George.
"We know," said Fred, "But that's the reason we must talk to you first! We've got an idea that we know will help you beat Voldemort!"
"Keep in mind I thought it up, little brothers," said Percy, his nose in the air, "Technically, I should be the one telling him."
"Oh for crying out loud, we have all the stuff, you just came to that conclusion after we showed you," said Fred, "Say, Harry, we should probably go someplace more private, this…isn't the right time to chat."
"Fine," said Harry, and followed the three brothers out, where they led him to the parking lot, and unlocked the Weasley's flying car, and turned on the light.
"All right," said George, pulling out a couple of pieces of paper, "First off… when there was that huge battle…we kind of placed a tracking device on Voldemort when he wasn't looking."
"How impressive!" exclaimed Harry, "Does it still work? He didn't discover it?"
"Thank you! And no, he hasn't. That's the power of love working for you!"
"You know, you can fight Voldemort because your mother possessed love, and we possess love for the super glue that we used to put it on him! It'll never come off now!" Fred added proudly.
"Okay, um…sure…" Harry shifted his eyes.
"Anyway, onto our next point…we've made up another Maudarers Map, designed specifically to follow Voldemort around! You can find him better!" George unfolded one of the pieces of paper, and tapped it with his wand.
"I solemnly swear I am going to kick some butt!" he muttered, and with that, a map of the entire world came into view on the paper.
"See, there's you," said Fred, pointing at a sign that was in the middle of England, saying 'Harry Potter—Yahoo!'
"Yahoo?" said Harry.
"Of course! We're happy you're going to fight him! Yahoo!" George let out a loud whoop before speaking normally again, "And there's Voldemort." He pointed at a place on the map that said 'Douchebag'.
"Douchebag?" Harry raised his eyebrow at the name on the sheet.
"Well, we decided to call the Dark Lord what he is," said George, "Doesn't that make sense?"
"I guess so," said Harry, "Are you sure it's him though? There are a lot of douchebags in this world…"
"Ain't that the truth, hah!" George chuckled, "But no, it's him. We're sure. Trust us."
"Okay. Look, I really appreciate this, guys," said Harry, taking the map, "Would you mind if I take this along? It could really help."
"Oh, of course! That was our plan!" said Fred, "Except there is one problem…"
"What's that?" said Harry.
"Well, if you look here," said Percy, pointing at Voldemort's place on the map, the 'Douchebag' sign, "He's in the middle of the Atlantic ocean."
"Oh…so he is," said Harry, "Well, if he stays there, it'll be hard to find him, but can I maybe borrow the flying car too? It should help me get to him."
"Uh, sorry, but it's a family car, and we can't afford another one," Percy winced, "Plus, you must take on a very important task to find the Dark Lord that doesn't involve the car."
"Okay, what?" said Harry.
"You must pay very close attention…" said Percy, and leaned over to poing at the paper, "Look here, he's kind of floating around on the ocean right now, and he's appeared at several spots on the map since we made it, so there's only one conclusion we can make…The Dark Lord is on a pirate ship."
"WHAT?!" said Harry, "That's one heck of an assumption, do you think he maybe just made up an underwater hideout?"
"Nope," said Fred, "He's gathered up all the Death Eaters and they're now on a ship. Plus, while George and I were shopping for more supplies for our shop last week, we saw Malfoy in Diagon Alley, and we overheard him telling Crabbe and Goyle that his dad was on the ship and how angry he was that his father wouldn't let him come with."
"It's true!" George nodded proudly.
Harry's stomach began to churn, "So…so it's true, in order to fight the Dark Lord, I must…"
The three brothers gleefully announced simultaneously.
"That's right! You, Harry Potter, must become a pirate!"