After watching the graduation episode last night this story just sort of slammed into my head. The first two chapters just sort of detail the end of the episode with more on the emotion and the internal tickings of the characters. I'm going to try to keep the characters as close to the way they act on the show, but some parts of them may become OOC as the story develops. We'll just have to see.

I'll say this though... I do not like in any way shape or form the way the whole Rogan relationship ended up in the show. After everything that they've gone through together, everything they've been to each other, I just don't understand how the writers and producers justify breaking them up now. And not giving us any reason for why she actually said no?... I mean really, we all know that she wanted to say yes, so WHY, oh God why, did she say no?

I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, original plot or storyline, nor anything else that was written, produced or directed by ASP or the WB/CW (whatever they're calling it these days). I do however own my own plot and storyline, characters and point of view!

Chapter One - All or Nothing

"So it's all or nothing?" Rory asked, her voice and her face expressing the shock that she was feeling at his attitude.

Logan shrugged. "Yeah."

Rory's mind raced, all of the things that she'd been sure of the night before and throughout the morning suddenly didn't seem to line up the same way. All or nothing? He couldn't possibly be serious. This was Logan, the guy with the fly by the seat of my pants attitude, Life and Death Brigade, live for the moment, Logan. He couldn't be serious, could he?

"Couldn't we just try?" She asked again, sure that if she voiced often enough, loud enough, that she still wanted to be with him, she just wasn't ready for marriage, that he'd see. He'd understand.

Logan looked at her and though his disappointment was apparent in his eyes the rest of his face betrayed none of the conflicting emotions swirling inside of him.

"What would be the point?" He asked her. If she wasn't ready or willing, if she didn't want to marry him now, would she ever want to?

Rory felt her insides starting to crack. The lines and fractures in her heart, and in her soul spread quickly through her but she refused to show that she was breaking. She nibbled on her bottom lip and looked at him with wide eyes. She couldn't say yes and she could see that he wouldn't accept anything else, yet both options terrified her. How could she go on with out him but how could she give him what he wanted when she wasn't ready?

So she said nothing.

She pulled the ring out from under her graduation gown. The beautiful ring that he'd picked out for her. The ring that had looked perfect on her finger. The gorgeous ring that at this moment lay nestled in the blue velvet box. She handed it to him and waited for him to take it from her.

He looked at the box. How could she do this to him? How could she look so calm as she handed his heart back to him. He wanted to scream, cry, or punch something. Didn't she know that he would do anything for her? Didn't she know that he loved her more than he'd ever loved anything in the world? Wanted her more than he'd ever wanted anything else in the world? Still she held the velvet box out to him.

Logan forced him self to reach out and take the box from her. Forced him self to look her in the eyes once more.

"Good bye Rory." He said to her softly and turned away before his composure broke. Nothing had ever hurt like this, not even all of his combined injuries from jumping off of that cliff the previous spring in Costa Rica. She was breaking him, his heart, his soul, his spirit. So he walked away and though every part of him wanted to turn back and beg, plead and promise her anything to keep her with him, he forced him self to keep walking. Forced him self not to turn and take one last look. And then he was gone.

Rory watched him walk away and couldn't even force words of farewell to her lips. She was trembling on the inside.




But she would not ruin this day for her grandparents or her parents. She would not turn what was to date, her greatest accomplishment into a day of pain and failure. She would deal with the pain later, this was her choice after all. She was the one who'd said no. She was the one that had caused the end. And as he disappeared from her sight she knew that despite the fact he was the one who'd physically done it, she was the one who'd walked away.

She cleared her expression as best she could and turned back to her parents and grandparents. She walked determinedly toward them and when her mother's eyes tried to search her own, she avoided Lorelai's gaze and spoke brightly with her grandmother and grandfather. With her dad.

She would not ruin this day for them, even though by doing what she'd thought was the right thing for her, she'd ruined it forever for herself.

So what do you think? Review and let me know... or just bitch about the outcome of the episode... joking, but really let me know if you like it and if I should even bother continuing to write it!

apalusa :o)