Disclaimer: Suing a fanfic author is like masturbating with sandpaper; there may be a bit of satisfaction in it, but in the end it's just too irritating to bother with. I claim nothing. I'm so broke suing me would actually improve my financial situation.
Not as Hentai as it sounds
Haruka stormed into the house, irritation rolling off her in waves, as she slammed her racing gloves down on the coffee table. "I can't believe the nerve of that man."
"The nerve of who, love?" Michiru asked, as she pulled the young blond into a warm embrace that quickly diffused most of her anger.
"One of the mechanics voiced the opinion that I was too butch to be a real women and that the only way I'd ever get a man was by trapping him." Haruka growled out the last bit, angry at some grease monkey for insulting her femininity, despite her complete lack of interest in catching a man.
"You know what? I can actually see you doing that." Michiru responded evenly, a glint of mischief in her eyes.
"What? Not you too!" Haruka replied, pulling back from her lover.
"Well he does have a point." Michiru said struggling to keep a straight face. "I can just picture you building an elaborate trap and lurking in the bushes, wearing camouflage, waiting for some poor hapless male to arrive so you could net him."
Haruka's frown broke as she began to snicker, before breaking out in a full fledged belly laugh and throwing herself down on the couch. "Well you have to admit it'd be a lot more effective then the Inners various attempts to snare one. "
"I know." Michiru agreed with her girlfriend. "I don't know why Makoto has such trouble though. She cooks a mean bento and they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
Haruka snorted "Try aiming a little further south. She'd have better luck if she tried a G-String and pasties along with the food. Trust me on this. I know guys and the only way you can get to their heart through their stomach is with a chainsaw."
Michiru gave a soundless mew of distaste, before responding. " And what would you do with a guy anyway?"
"Oh, I can think of a few things." Haruka said with a leer that shocked Michiru.
"For instance…" Michiru trailed off, not sure she wanted to open this unexpected can of worms.
"Landscaping and vehicle maintenance." Haruka fired back with a smirk, mentally tallying herself a point in retribution for her lover's earlier comment.
"But Haruka-Poppa," Hotaru spoke up, reminding them she was in the room "You do all the vehicle maintenance for us."
"She also trims bushes like a pro." Michiru murmured with a small grin.
"Then I guess we don't need a man around here, do we?" Haruka said.
"Not unless Setsuna or Hotaru bring one home." Michiru replied as she snuggled up to her girlfriend on the couch.
Hotaru perked up at her Michiru's comment . 'I'm allowed to date?'
The possibility of a friend drew her in more then the romantic aspect. From what she had overheard from the girls in her class, it was like having a best friend who would hug you at odd moments.
This had possibilities…
Hotaru went off to play, leaving her adopted parents to discuss the finer points of… gardening.
'Who knew they were so concerned about lawn care?' Hotaru thought, as she headed to the library to do a little research on several of the things that Haruka had mentioned.
Hotaru phoned her order into the Cat Café from a nearby payphone and began working on her trap. She'd gotten a book on 'live catch' traps from the library and the chapter on snares had caught her eye. All she'd needed was some rope and Haruka-poppa had 50' of silk rope in the garage for some reason. She'd never seen her guardian's using it, so she was sure they wouldn't mind her borrowing it. She was halfway done with her trap when her order arrived.
"What trap for?" Shampoo asked curiously.
Startled, Hotaru let go of the rope and watched sadly as the tree sprung back up, tangling her line in the upper limbs. It had taken her half an hour and most of her energy to get the small tree tied and bent the way she wanted it.
"Well, Momma and Poppa decided I was old enough to start dating, so I'm setting a trap to catch a boyfriend." She answered distractedly, wondering how long it was going to take to untangle the rope and get everything set up again.
Shampoo smiled fondly, remembering her own village's version of the Sadie Hawkin's dance idea. "Shampoo know how you feel. Shampoo remembers building trap to catch boyfriend when was your age. Only problem was, Shampoo catch Mousse."
Hotaru frowned cutely. "I really don't want to catch a Moose."
Shampoo nodded. "Shampoo really know how you feel. Shampoo not want to catch Mousse either."
The amazon maiden looked pensive for a moment before grinning. "Let Shampoo help with trap. Then she lure off Mousse so you no get inflict… infect… No get stupid Mousse following you around all the time."
5 Minutes later…
"Good quality steel important. No want weak boyfriend and strong one easily break through anything not as strong." Shampoo thumped a metal bar with her hand making it ring.
10 Minutes later…
"And if use Acetylene torch like so, weld come out nice and even." She gestured to the seam she was working on, while the young girl watched fascinated.
15 Minutes later…
"And one final touch." Shampoo connected a heavy power line to the cage and hoisted it into the tree top. "And viola we done!"
Hotaru clapped her hands happily and gave a small cheer, before removing her welding goggles. "Thank you, Shampoo. I'm sure to catch a boyfriend now."
Shampoo grinned at her. "Now all need is bait."
The multi-talented warrior started to quickly sort her 'special' ramen from the young girl's order, but paused in thought. It wasn't like the laced ramen was likely to work on Ranma. He was really resistant to most mind altering techniques, which was part of the reason Shampoo kept using them on him.
The last thing she wanted was for an unscrupulous rival from her village to steal him away from her with some special herb or item, rare though they were, even inside the village.
'Best up dosage on next one and get grandma to teach Airen beginning mind block techniques.' Grinning Shampoo placed her 'special' on top of the little girl's order.
"Remember, must speak forcefully on what want to boy when catch. That way he know how behave. Now Shampoo lure off Mousse. It be just like him, show up and ruin all Shampoo's hard work." The amazon quickly sprang on to her bike yelling something about Airen that had a group of people chasing her before she'd gotten out of the park.
Hotaru watched curiously as martial artists seemed to appear out of nowhere and join in the chase.
'It's times like this that I wonder if being a reborn princess from a magical kingdom is really all that strange around here.'
Shrugging to herself the young girl quickly hid in the bushes as she noticed someone approaching, sniffing the air.