I don't own Law & Order: SVU. If I did, I'd probably wouldn't be writing this fan fiction... because Elliot and Olivia would be together by now and I wouldn't have to vent. Well, Burned is a favorite episode of mine. I've been meaning to post this up. I had to do a lot of research for this fic, not that I minded. I really hope you tortured EO fans out there will, enjoy this. I hope it eases the pain at least a bit.
Elliot Stabler was wide-eyed in bed. It was a restless night; he had more than A LOT on his mind. It was 4:47 when he got the text:
He wondered why she texted him, why she wanted to meet. Not that Olivia ever needed
a reason for wanting to talk with him.
He quickly found his shirt, and his workout pants. He threw them on along with a light gray hoodie. He barely got his sneakers on in his rush out the door.
There she was, waiting … she handed him a coffee and he murmured a "Thanks" as he took a seat next to her on the stoop of his apartment building.
He couldn't help but notice that even at this hour of the morning, she looked good. He always liked blue on her. The hood of her jacket was blue, along with the jeans she was wearing. Blue and green enhanced her features, namely her hair, and the color of her eyes. Maybe he was noticing all these things because it'd only been a month she'd been back and he never wanted to forget again, or maybe he had noticed her all along.
He teasingly asked, "Is that a flower in your cup?"
She rasped out, "It's tea…"
It was then he noticed she was pretty shaken up.
He tried to kid, "You're serious about that aren't you?"
She said, "I couldn't sleep."
He replied, "Me neither."
He took a sip of his coffee and he realized what bothered her so as she spoke.
She stated, "Valerie Sennet wasn't raped." He looked up from his coffee a little shocked as she continued, "She was sleeping
with a law firm investigator. She really put her husband through the ringer."
He informed her, "She died twenty minutes ago."
He noted her misty eyes as she said, "She knew she was going to die and she still lied to my face."
He commented, "When love warps into hate there's nothing you won't do."
He continued, "That's why I signed the divorce papers… I don't want Kathy to ever regret me."
Olivia was a little surprised, that meant his divorce was official now.
She looked at him supportively as she said, "That's a step in the right direction, Elliot."
"Elliot, she doesn't regret you. You shared a marriage, you shared kids. She cares about you, a piece of paper doesn't change that."
"How would you know?"
"Because she said so."
"What do you mean, Liv?"
"She called me, asked me to meet her…"
"What!! Why'd she do that?"
"She wanted me to ask you to sign the papers."
"Oh… and um, did she say anything else?"
"Um, … I'm not sure you'd want to hear it."
"Come on Liv…"
"Maybe I'll tell you a little later…"
She looked over tentatively at him and asked, "So, are we okay?"
Caught off- guard by her directness, He stammered, "I just need space to disagree with you, so I don't feel like it's going to
cost me a partnership." He tried to be straight about it because it was hard to get out.
Surprised she commented, "You've never been gun-shy before."
He replied, "Yeah, well you know… things change."
She teased, "Well like you said, you're the longest relationship I ever had with a man. Who else would put up with me?"
She sipped her tea.
He began to wonder who would put up with him either. Only her. Maybe that's what he was so scared of…
"I promise we can agree to disagree. Elliot, listen to me. I need you to hear this. You can't get rid of me that easily, not even if you tried." She laughed as she added, "And, you may have tried a time or two."
"Liv, I never meant to push you away." Elliot said honestly.
Olivia laughed, "You're starting to sound like Glenn Cheales."
He stifled a chuckle to say, "Well, I mean it. And I'd still give you kidney."
She assured him, "I know you do. I know you would. I want you to know I understand…"
She replied, "I understand why you said what you said at the hospital after we saved Rebecca from Gitano. I know why you said what you just said about being able to disagree. You wanted to put space and distance between us… because you think if we're too close, you're in danger of loosing me…"
"No, I'm not afraid of loosing you." Elliot stated, maybe it was a weak cover but he had to try to put up a brave front.
Olivia replied, "You just said you were afraid of that Elliot. You think, you'll lose your partner, your best friend.
Don't you think I have a say in that?"
"Um… a say in what?"
"In being lost."
"I guess…" he stammered, it was difficult to put words to these new yet familiar feelings.
"Elliot, you know what's funny… you've spent so much time protecting and being there for me… that you think I can't chose to be lost or found anymore. Sometimes you've blamed me… that I needed you… you feel you've had to watch out for me, even though you know it's not true. I don't hold it against you. I forgive you."
"Why isn't it true?" Elliot questioned.
"Because, it's only half the story. You of all people should know that I can hold my own, you've seen me in action."
He laughed at that and admitted, "Yeah, I have. I know."
She began to say softly, "Elliot, the truth is… It's not that I 'need' you to be there for me… it's that I want you there for me.
The other side of the story is, you want to be there for me as much as I want you to."
Elliot looked down, suddenly finding his shoes fascinating, "Yeah…"
She assured, "And, that's okay, it's alright that we feel this way."
Elliot murmured, "Humm… I can't explain it."
Olivia stated, "I'll try to explain, though it's hard for me too…That connection makes us better partners, the best.
We aren't weaker for caring. Some things don't require an explanation, Elliot."
He chuckled, "I guess not."
"Do you remember I never finished answering your question in the coffee shop? No, I didn't like working alone. I missed you."
"I missed you too, Liv."
"It made me realize something Elliot… I'm going to ask you this straight up and I don't want to have to ask again…"
"Go ahead, shoot."
"Don't ever make me leave you… Don't let your fears or insecurities ruin what we have."
Elliot noted, "Now, you're starting to sound like Naomi."
Olivia laughed, "I do, don't I. Does that bother you?"
Elliot smirked, "Nope, not one bit."
"So, now, I'll tell you the rest of what Kathy had to say."
"And what might that be?"
"First, she was glad I didn't like Dani either."
"Oh, and why didn't you like Dani?" Elliot asked intrigued.
She explained, "Because, I didn't tell you I had been back for a few days. Of course I wanted to see you, when I did drop by the squad room, I saw her. She told me you were busy… I went to see Cragen. By then, I knew that I might not be able to come back to the job I love. Through the window, I saw you come out of interrogation (I was almost going to run to meet you) then I saw you say something to Dani. I saw you might have connected with her, maybe in a way you hadn't with me. I'd been gone only five weeks, but I began to wonder if five weeks were enough to make you forget eight years. Suddenly, it wasn't just the idea of losing the job that hurt."
Elliot said, "I honestly had no idea, I'm sorry."
Olivia stated, "I just wanted you to know that you weren't the only one that was afraid of loosing."
"Oh…" Elliot replied. "Liv, she wasn't you. I was going out mind wondering if you were safe. I could never forget.
I was always thinking about you."'
"Elliot, I may have been able to keep a lot of things secret about myself under cover, but I was thinking about you too.
You were the one thing I couldn't seem to let go of or forget."
They were silent in that moment, wondering where all this honesty was leading.
"What else did Kathy say?
Olivia answered, "She told me, that it was difficult to be talking to me about her marriage to you, when she used to worry that you preferred to spend more time with me than with her or the kids."
"I know it's crazy right? I told her that you talked about the kids and her all the time. Still do really."
Elliot laughed at that.
"And… She said that I give you stability; that you couldn't move on till you felt like you were on solid ground."
He decided to risk some more honesty, "Well… maybe it wasn't all that crazy. Liv, I talk about you too. "
She smiled, "You do? I'm glad. Because your name is a frequent part of my vocabulary."
"Liv, you are solid to me. You keep me grounded."
She looked down and smiled at his words.
"Liv, I think you should know something."
"And what might that be Elliot?"
"I kissed Dani."
"Oh," she said sounding a little saddened, "Why'd you tell me this?"
"I figured, I don't need to keep anything from you."
"I figured I didn't like her for good reason," she laughed a bit.
She continued more serious now, "Why'd you kiss her? Are you in love with her Elliot?"
He replied, "No, I'm not in love with her. It was just a thing."
"You didn't answer my first question."
"This may sound crazy but… I kissed her because I missed you."
She said in a sarcastic tone, "Yeah, that does make a lot of sense."
"It kind of does… in a way."
"Please explain how."
"Well, I wanted her to be you. But, she wasn't you so I kissed her."
She questioned, "So, you kissed her because she wasn't me?"
"Yeah, I guess…"
"Elliot, you kissed her because you felt you weren't risking anything to kiss her."
"That makes more sense, Liv. I think your right about that."
"Which leads me to one question… Have you ever thought of kissing me?" she asked gently.
"Liv…" He whispered her name, hesitant to answer not quite sure if she wanted the truth.
"Elliot, please just be honest with me." Olivia stated.
He sighed, "Well… yes, I have."
"Oh, I see." Olivia gasped.
"Yeah, I uh… have plenty of times."
She smiled a bit, "Elliot, if it makes you feel better, I've thought about being kissed by you, more times than I can count."
It was his turn to be surprised.
She asked her next question softly, "El, would you kiss me? I mean, if you felt you had nothing to lose."
He replied, "Liv, with you it's not nothing... That couldn't change."
"Why's that? Why couldn't that change? Why am I different? Why would you always feel like you'd be risking everything with me?"
"Because you're that important to me." He murmured.
"Well, maybe I could stop being 'that important' long enough for this…" She rasped out, as she caught his lips with hers.
She tasted him, his desire rising along with hers. Passion continued exploding inside of her, as eight years spent of loving
this man was put into this one, first kiss. This was their chance, she wanted to make the most of it. She had to try.
When she backed away, she looked at him and asked, "So?"
Elliot shook his head in response, "Nope. Didn't work…"
"Oh, I thought you felt something..." Olivia sighed as she looked down disappointment becoming ever more evident on her face.
He cupped her chin in his hand and explained,
"Didn't work because you're more important than ever to me, you're everything… I ever thought I could want or need.
And you want to know something?"
"What?" She asked as she looked deep into his eyes.
"It was definitely worth the risk." He stated before surprising her with a kiss of his own. A tender kiss full of promise for the future.
When they broke a part, she laughed out, "You tease."
Elliot shook his head with a smile, "So, I'm the tease now? You've been 'teasing' me these eight years Detective Benson,
in all sorts of ways. You're temptingly irresistible."
She beamed at him, "Well, when you got it… you got it."
She asked the next question, "You hungry?"
"I could go for a bite. Who's buying?" He asked in reply.
Olivia responded, "Well, you are going through a divorce and you do have four kids… so I guess you are."
Elliot smirked, "That's what I thought."