Are you Already Gone?

A Fan Fiction by Fish Friend

Disclaimer: Do not own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse

Note: Ok, I wrote this because…hey, I'm home sick and I can only add a new story and not update my previous chapters. This is essentially a thing that Bella is thinking/feeling/recalling from the New Moon part where Edward (Sob) leaves.

Song: Vienna-The Fray

Sure, life had been going good for me. Though I wanted it all to end, for him. Just for Edward. Of course, he had promised. He had promised to stay with me, for as long as it was good for me, but he went. He was just…gone.

The day's last one-way ticket train pulls in
We smile for the casual closure capturing

It seems like he had been acting strangely for the past, what was it, a week? But he had promised that he wouldn't leave me for as long as it was good for me… He's everything I need and want. I can't really live without him. And he just up and left. There was nothing, and I always wanted to believe otherwise. But, all my pictures, all the memories, all of the music locked away for as long as he was gone. And it had already been forever.

There goes the downpour
Here goes my fare thee well

All in one moment, it was gone. And later, I thought of a few good words that were making me wonder. Are you already gone? It was…poof. Gone. And I didn't even see it coming. Not this, at least.

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me

I knew in my mind, I looked. I looked and I looked for something in everything that would remind me of him. Because I wanted him. There was no tricking my subconscious that it would be better to separate, to feel numb. To make Edward feel better by not being with me. I always had looked, and the pain had come as my subconscious looked.

There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone

Then, along came the hole. The giant, monstrous, horrendous, breath taking hole that had broken me so. The hole. Yep, that's the one. It had taken numbness and pain combined to an impossible new level once I realized he was really gone. That had been the worst. Not believing he was gone, and then realizing he was. That Edward was gone, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, and he didn't want me, like he told me he did so many times.

Only so many words that we can say
Spoken upon long-distance melody

And then numb. Do I really even know what I got for Christmas? What I did for Halloween, or thanksgiving? No. Do I even remember Charlie's birthday? When I had 'woken up' I asked him where he had gotten his watch, and he had nearly had a heart attack by my complete unawareness.

This is my hello
This is my goodness

After some numb, there was Jacob Black. After it, I wanted to call him my Jacob Black. But I couldn't just let myself go when I had mere months before loved Edward in so many ways that I could never love anyone else like that, ever. So he was that Jacob, or that Jake not 'my Jacob' or 'My Jake.'

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me

And I looked for the meadow. I looked for their house. And they were there. Just they weren't the same. They were just a Meadow or a house. Nothing that linked to any of them on an intellectual level.

There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone

And then came the werewolves. Who had been…evolved, created, born to thwart vampires killing innocent humans, to straighten it all out to have as much normalcy as possible.

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again
Straighten this whole thing out

And I became the wolf girl as well as the vampire girl. And then Victoria. Victoria complicated too many things. That was when I tried to jump off the cliff. That didn't go to well with Edward and the Cullen's thinking I was dead…

Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy
This is the distance
And this is my game face

So I raced off with the newly returned Alice to Italy, saving the one who had so cruelly (from Jacob's point of view at least) broken me.

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me

I saved with the assistance of Alice, and much running (which slightly involved water fountains and towering castles with deadly vampires). We went home…to be promised an eternity together. Does that sum up my darkest period?

Is there really no way to reach me
Am I already gone?

So this is me. Sure, we're together. And I've never felt better, no hole, none of that kind of pain. Just Edward and I. Together. For now.

So this is your maverick
This is Vienna