Author's Note: This is a crack-brained idea, I'll admit; but what if the cast of the 1987 Turtle's cartoon fell into one of those dimensional portals that were so often cropping up and ended up in the universe of… the 2003 cartoon?!

Heck, I figured I already have a serious work in progress; I can post the doofy one too. That being said this is an actual story and not a parody.

For ease of writing and reading and to distinguish two sets of Turtles, the boys from the 1987 series are called by their full names (because they always used full names in that 'toon.) The ones in the 2003 series are called Leo, Don/Donnie, Raph and Mike/Mikey.

Caveat: I matured the 1987 cast a little for dramatic purposes once they hit the 2003 cartoon universe; that and I can't handle the 80's 'toon logic for more than a chapter or so. That being said this is a humorous story with a splash of drama rather than vice versa.

I tried to make anything set in the 1987 cartoonverse sound like the old cartoon; when everyone moves to the 2003 cartoonverse the style changes somewhat – consider it the effect of being transplanted and our turtle heroes taking on the demeanor that befits this strange new world.

Yes, the physics in the old cartoonverse don't make sense. Did they ever?

UPDATES: Updating again after 5 months offline (That's a long time!)

I found a chunk of notebook paper with some scrawls on it that I had forgot to type into "Face to Face" so that chapter has about 2 extra paragraphs of prose in it, but nothing that really changes the story. Many thanks to reviewers who pointed out editing/grammar errors; some chapters are updated to reflect editing corrections.

Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles in either cartoon franchise, but I sure had a heck of a good time writing this!


The lair: 1987 Cartoonverse

"Hey Donatello, what'cha up to?" Raphael's voice was bright and brash as he strolled into the living room, carrying a bowl of cereal.

"Shhh!" The purple clad turtle waved his hand at his brother. "I need to concentrate. I'm putting the finishing touches on my automatic dairy churner."

"Automatic…dairy…churner?" Raphael gave a chuckle. "What does it do? Milk it for all it's worth?"

Donatello gave a huffing sigh. "That's not funny." Walking around to the front, he grabbed a gallon of milk from the fridge and pulled the tab on it. "Actually it should be pretty useful. Remember when Michelangelo tried making cheese that one time?"

"Well, my brain tried to forget by my nose stills remembers." The red clad brother replied, flopping down on the couch, carefully balancing the cereal like an acrobat.

"I figured that if I could make a machine that properly controlled pressure, humidity and temperature I could invent something that would automatically make a whole assortment of dairy products. Cheese, yogurt, ice cream, anything." Donatello smiled and pulled the hulking silver contraption towards him, pouring the milk down a funnel.

"Fascinating." Raphael replied, starting to channel surf.

"Actually it was quite simple." Donatello flicked the machine on and it started to hum contentedly as he walked over. "I had a spare part left over from when I fixed the turtle van's cooling system, and I paired it with the heating coil from a 1960s salon hairdryer…"

"I don't even want to know where you got that."

"It was in the dump" the resident inventor sighed as he settled himself in a chair. Sometimes his brothers just didn't understand how important it was to experiment. Actually it wasn't sometimes. It was almost never. "I found the refrigerator parts there as well. When I linked them to the heating coils, I found if I could add a regulator I could create constant condensation."

"Uh huh." Raphael nodded, zoning out. "April's on."

"After that it was just a matter of wiring in some timers and heat controls…"

"Earth to Donatello! April's on!"

Donatello frowned a bit, leaning back to watch the TV. Raphael smiled at the sudden silence and propped himself up on one elbow to get a better view.

April was speaking in an animated tone, standing on the pavement outside a large industrial building. I am at the laboratories of OnAirTek, the city's leader in television broadcasting technology. Speaking with me is Dr. Otto Von Frankengerman, head researcher into 'complete immersion reality television.' Hello Dr. Frankengerman!

A tall man tottered forward, adjusting his spectacles. He had great bushy shocks of dark hair sticking out on either side of a very bald forehead. When he spoke he had a wheezy German accent. I am pleased that the city has taken such an interest in our project here, Miss O'Neill.

Doctor, can you tell us a little more about your invention?

Donatello edged forward on his seat, eyes widening as the doctor started to explain his latest invention. Complete Immersion Reality Television vill be the next wave in television viewing. Through use of a special signal, ve vill be able to project television images directly into viewers homes, creating a three dimensional holographic projection. It vill look and feel as if you are actually in the show!

"Wow, I wonder if that'll mean Surfing With Kangaroos will splash into this living room…literally" Raphael pondered gleefully.

Beside him his brother was far more ponderous. "Wow, I wonder what kind of transmitter he uses"

And when will we be able to see this technology in use, Dr. Frankengerman? April was asking.

Vell, not for a few more months, but as a special introduction ve are running a test signal tonight. Any viewers wishing to see a preview of what they vill experience should tune in to channel 48 at ten o'clock this evening. The Doctor smiled serenely as the camera panned back to April.

There you have it folks, the future of television viewing!

Raphael turned towards Donatello. "Channel 48 at ten. We can't miss it."

"But we don't get channel 48. We can't pick it up down here." Donatello mused, stroking his chin. "Though if I rewired the antennae through the transceiver array for the dimensional portal, I bet we could bump up the signal strength and catch it."

The turtle in red screwed up his face a little at the jumble of words. "Meaning we won't miss it?"

Donatello gave a soft sigh. "Yes, meaning we won't miss it."


The Technodrome: Dimension X

"Shredder! Come look at this!" Krang's raspy voice pierced the sluggish halls of the technodrome. On cue the chrome-domed villain appeared.

"Krang, what are you cooking up this time?" Shredder sounded annoyed as he clambered up the metal steps and peered over Krang's android body to get a better look at the viewscreen.

"I just received this transmission from Earth!" He lashed out a tentacle and hit 'play' on April's interview with Dr. Frankengerman.

"April O'Neill?!" Shredder started, outraged.

"Listen for a second, Shredder. Do you realize what we could do with that Complete Immersion Reality Television device?" Krang turned to eye him.

"We could steal it and unleash it on the Turtles! If they are immersed in reality TV they will be easy to crush!" He emphasized his point by making a fist and shaking it in midair.

"Do you ever think about anything but those accursed Turtles?" The evil alien griped. "Actually, I was thinking more of powering up the Technodrome!"

Shredder stroked his chin for a few seconds. "And how do you propose to do that?"

"Easy, Shredder. If we can attach one of these motherboard components of the alien ship we salvaged to the Complete Immersion Reality Television device we can control the power output. The more people who tune in to the program, the more power we can drain and siphon back to the Technodrome." Krang's voice dropped off as he completed his sentence. "All we have to do is link the device with our dimensional portal!"

Shredder clasped his hands together. "And while we siphon power, I can open up a portal. Then while the Turtles are mesmerized by the program and I can destroy them!"

"Here." Krang turned, placing a heavy chunk of computer equipment into Shredder's hands. Don't screw this up, Shredder. All you have to do is attach this device to the base of the television transmitter, and make sure you plug this into the input slot."

Shredder accepted the piece, without really taking the time to listen to Krang. "Bebop! Rocksteady! Come on, we have work to do!" The two ugly mutants hoisted their guns and followed at the tails of Shredder's long purple cloak.


The Lair: 1987 Cartoonverse

With channel 48 flickering steadily in front of them, Donatello fiddled with the antennae while Michelangelo passed out plates and slices of pizza. "So this is Complete Gnarly Mondoso Television?" the youngest was asking.

"Complete Immersion Reality Television." Donatello corrected.

"How did you guys find out about this?" Leonardo asked, taking a seat beside Raphael on the couch.

"April was talking about it on the news." Raphael commented, pulling a string of cheese off his pizza.

"We missed April? Bummer." Michelangelo sounded dejected as he sat beside Leonardo; though that dejection soon faded as he began cramming pizza into his mouth.

"Any idea on what they're going to broadcast?" The eldest brother asked, fixing a napkin at the top of his plastron before he started to eat.

"It's just a test run." Donatello finished propping up the antennae. Through the static they could start to make out the familiar yellow jumpsuit of April O'Neil standing in front of the OnAirTek logo, introducing the Doctor once again.

As you see here we have a live sound stage set up for this very special broadcast! April was saying. The Clarke City Dancers are coming on stage at this very second, and we will be starting with normal television projection… A group of dancers with bright orange tights and fancy headdresses trotted onstage and started dancing. Now, at this very moment we will be projecting their images with Complete Immersion Reality Television! The screen flickered a bit, and the TV gave off a soft hum. Slowly the dancers started to materialize, apparently dancing directly in front of them.

"Whoah!" Michelangelo commented, reaching forward. "It's like reach out and touch someone!" But as he got close enough to tap the leg of the nearest dancer his fingers passed directly through "Or not."

"This is great!" Donatello commented, grinning.

It was Leonardo who was keeping the keenest watch. "Hey, what's that in the background? It looks familiar." He pointed past the dancers to something moving behind the sound stage.

Raphael's eyes widened as his brother called their attention. "It's… Bebop and Rocksteady!"

"What are they doing there, dude?" Michelangelo asked, frowning.

"They have to be up to no good." Leonardo replied, frowning. "We need to tell April."

As if someone had read his mind there was a blast and one of the lights fell from the grid of the soundstage and smashed onto the floor. The dancers screamed and scattered. From behind the curtain a familiar purple caped face appeared, and all four Turtles chorused in unison "Shredder!"

Greetings, people of Earth. I am Master Shredder and I am about to introduce you to the newest wave of technology, Complete Immersion Anxiety Television! He chuckled evilly and pushed a button on the console in his hand. Where the dancers had stood, Bebop and Rocksteady slowly materialized.

All four turtles looked at one another in alarm. Behind them, the TV started making an odd pitched whining noise and Donatello's dimensional portal started to flicker and hum; but the Turtle's were far too absorbed in the sudden appearance of enemies in their lair to really notice. Bebop and Rocksteady smashed their fists in their palms menacingly.

"Don't worry, they aren't really here; remember when Michelangelo tried to touch one of the dancers?" Donatello reminded them.

Bebop lifted one of his massive legs and smashed it down into the middle of the Turtle's coffee table, splintering it into two pieces.

"Say that again, Donatello…" Raphael muttered.

Rocksteady moved forward, punching blindly ahead of him, connecting with the wall. Donatello frowned. "They must still be in the station, but whatever Shredder did to the broadcast solidified them!"

"So they can't see us, Dude, but they're still trashing our place?" Michelangelo yelled, reaching for his nunchukus.

"Exactly." Leonardo replied, keeping a steady distance. Bebop was moving his heavy form forward, using a bat to swing randomly at things. One particularly wild swing clipped the table, sending Donatello's new Dairy Machine flying.

"Hey, my invention…" he cried with dismay, narrowly avoiding one of Rocksteady's punches.

"I think we've got bigger problems to worry about than ice cream, Dude." Michelangelo quipped, trying to hit the giant rhinoceros over the head.

"Is it just me or do these guys fight better when they can't see us?" Raphael retorted dryly, blocking a kick with his sais.

"If we hit them, does it hurt them?" Leonardo asked.

As if in reply Donatello swung his bo staff around and clocked Rocksteady cleanly on the head. The massive mutant stumbled backwards looking confused, muttering Owwww. "I think that's a yes." The purple wearing turtle replied.

"Allright, then let's kick some shell." Raphael cried, jumping up to plant a kick right in Bebop's face, but he wasn't so lucky. Bebop turned just at the right moment to check on Rocksteady, and Raphael's kick landed beside him, just close enough for Bebop to feel it.

I think it's those miserable Turtles. Bebop groused and reached out blindly to grab at what moved past him. They're like invisible ninjas! But I got one! His meaty hands clasped around Raphael's chest and he flung him off to one side. In the lair Raphael grumbled as he was caught up, and suddenly had the sick sensation of spinning in midair.

"Raphael!" Leonardo shouted, running towards his younger brother as he went shell first towards the wall. But in between him and the brick stood Donatello's portal, humming weakly and flickering with light. Raphael was making a strangled yelp when the glimmering field of the portal swallowed him up. He never hit the wall behind it. He simply… disappeared.

The television started making a high-pitched whine and the portal let off a great deal of smoke. All at the same time, the light flickered and both television and portal made a grating sound and went dead. Bebop and Rocksteady faded from their living room, leaving three very confused turtles standing there.

"What was that?" Michelangelo asked, picking himself up off the floor, and rubbing his head.

"Where's Raphael?" Leonardo asked, concerned. "Raphael? Raphael!"

They looked everywhere, but Raphael was gone.