A/N: This is an AU one-shot in which Naruto is a doctor (I know, I know…just work with me- it's for a purpose). You don't have to squint to see the Shounen-ai in this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I don't own anything, not even myself... Great, now I am depressed.

Naruto fell out of bed with a thud at the sound of the doorbell. Staggering to his feet groggily, he peered at the clock. 2:49, great…

Yanking on a T-shirt, he headed downstairs and stumbled to the door. Not even bothering to ask who it was, for he had a fair idea, he unbolted it and wrenched it open.


Sasuke barely lifted an eyebrow. What kind of idiot just flings his door open at three in the morning?

Naruto glared at the bastard with red-rimmed eyes. That someone could pull off looking cool and aloof at this ungodly hour was beyond aggravating. He glared harder, waiting for some type of response. Sasuke shrugged slightly, not meeting his eyes.

"I need some help…"

Naruto snorted, stifling a yawn.

"What? What could you possibly need at this time of night? You need help hiding a body?"

- A few minutes later-

"I can't believe you need help hiding a body…" The two men stood in front of Naruto's garage. The door closed slowly, hiding them from the outside world.

"I do not need help hiding a body, you moron! I need…I need…"

Sasuke actually had no idea why he was here. Sure, Naruto was a doctor, but if she was already dead, what could he do? As Naruto himself often pointed out, he was a doctor, not the Christ. Raising the dead was out of his league.

It was the freakiest thing Sasuke had ever dealt with. Things had been going along swimmingly by Sasuke's estimation. The girl had been straddling him, bouncing away merrily, following his instructions to the letter. All of a sudden, she appeared to lose interest in him, their activity and life in general. She had then proceeded to rudely and unceremoniously keel over sideways, leaving a bewildered Sasuke gaping at her.

He had felt for her pulse…or what he had thought should contain a pulse. He should have been listening when Naruto was teaching him first aid, instead of just ogling like an idiot and wishing he were the CPR dummy. He couldn't feel a pulse; besides, the girl looked pretty damn dead anyway. Had he not started freaking out, he would have known that the rational thing to do was to take her to the nearest hospital. Instead he had started obsessing on getting to Naruto. It was an instinct. If something went really right or incredibly wrong, that was where he headed first.

On the drive over, he'd managed to calm down and recover his icy exterior despite his predicament. By the time Naruto had stumbled to the door, he had already turned back into the Sasuke Naruto was expecting.

The garage door shuddered to a close, settling firmly into place and finally averting the two boy's watchful gazes. Naruto headed to the car to check on the girl, muttering angrily.

"You know, I knew it was just a matter of time before you killed someone. What was this: some kind of weird Goth initiation?"

"Shut up! I didn't kill anyone! Besides, you kill people all the time and you don't hear me giving you any grief about it!" Naruto was yanking the door open to get to the back seat.

"That is different! I am a doc… I DO NOT KILL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME, YOU SOON-TO-BE-INCARCERATED ASSHOLE!" Naruto flicked on the overhead light, turned to the girl and suddenly paused in mid-action.

He turned slowly to give an odd look to Sasuke, who was hanging behind him. Sasuke caught it; granted, he was expecting any number of strange stares from Naruto given the situation, but this one was noteworthy.

"What?" Sasuke leaned down to look over Naruto's shoulder. He started swearing in his head- he had completely forgotten. Keeping his face placid, he straightened up and shrugged.

"What? It's just a coincidence. I just noticed it myself…" He half expected lightning to strike him down where he stood. Lies that huge and that blatant could hardly go unpunished.

Naruto looked away from him and back to the girl. So that's what I would look like if I were a woman. The girl was clad in a tight orange skirt suit that could grab attention from miles off/was an attention grabber if ever he'd seen one. Short, spiky blonde hair framed her face, while three whisker marks adorned each cheek. Her eyes were closed, but Naruto felt that behind the tanned skin of her eyelids, sky blue irises awaited.

This is just freaky…You mean he didn't see that? How dark was that nightclub?

Naruto started checking on the girl, still creeped out, when he caught her pulse- faint but definitely there.

"She's alive!"

"She's alive?"

"She's alive!"

Yelling to Sasuke, Naruto directed him to help get the young woman inside the clinic Naruto operated from an extension of his house.

Wasting no time, Naruto started scrambling about, trying to help the girl. Sasuke watched as Naruto switched into medic-mode, moving at a frantic pace. He heard snatches of Naruto's ramblings and realized that the girl was probably overdosing on something.


Sasuke should have guessed the girl was on something. She had been literally bouncing off the walls when he spotted her in the dark club, her garish orange suit grabbing his attention as he moved towards her. He should have known that there was only one person capable of that kind of manic energy without artificial stimulation. It was probably why he was so suited to the sleepless nights and fast pace of the medical profession. Sasuke caught himself watching Naruto like some love-struck puppy and tried to school his expression. Sasuke didn't know what Naruto did, but in a few moments, he heard the girl moaning groggily, apparently surfacing from oblivion.

The girl blinked slowly and tried to sit up.

"Hey, don't push yourself!"

She stubbornly sat up, looking owlishly about the room. She looked at Naruto and finally spotted Sasuke, waiting in the corner.

"Hey! I did not sign on for a party…"

Naruto bristled and immediately let the girl know where she was and why she was there. She looked more contrite and appreciative, but apparently unfazed by the events as they were related to her. Naruto guessed that this was not a first time occurrence.

He was about to launch into a lecture when he saw the girl reach up to rub her head. She seemed surprised at the properties of the hair she found there, and a moment later, she started tugging. Naruto was about to move to stop her, thinking she was hurting herself, when something unbelievable happened.

The hair came right off. Auburn hair tumbled out and down the girl's shoulders as she stared at the blonde wig in her hand. Naruto's jaw hit the floor, and Sasuke was close to having a heart attack. Sasuke wanted to get to the girl and stop her before she did anything else to increase his embarrassment. Too late… She tossed the wig at him, and he caught it reflexively.

"Here, you want that back, right…umm, dattebayo?" She winked at him, not knowing how close she was to dying at his hands. "That was the word, right? What you wanted me to say?"

Naruto was incapable of closing his mouth, staring at the girl with a mixed expression of horror and fascination. She yawned and rubbed her face tiredly, and there went the whisker marks.

Sasuke was panicking now, the events of the early morning having tapped into and drained his reserves of icy coolness. He looked about the room desperately, searching for a means to silence the girl, praying all the while for some heavenly being to strike him down now, ending his mortification.

Naruto finally managed to get his mouth closed and was looking from the girl (who now looked absolutely nothing like him) to Sasuke, who was now tomato-red and looking at everything in the room but him- still clutching the ridiculous wig. Naruto cleared his throat and started speaking.

"Ahem, Sasuke's going to take you to the hospital for a thorough check-up and then take you home if they give the okay. You should be thinking about getting counselling. The next time, you may not be this lucky."

Naruto used a few minutes to try and talk to the girl, who nodded absently the whole time. Naruto sighed tiredly: he would have to call ahead to the hospital and tell them about her. The girl clearly needed help.

A few minutes later, Sasuke was supporting her as they walked to the door.

Dear Kami-sama, he would never live this down. He should just drive off a bridge after he dropped this girl off. But no, he knew Naruto; he'd probably do the eulogy at his funeral and tell everyone the story as some kind of colossal joke. He would then etch it into his tombstone. And when the Shinigami came to get him, it would see it and tell every other spirit the joke until Naruto himself died and came looking for him just to tease and torture him mercilessly…for all eternity! He was officially in hell; there was simply no escaping this…

He was almost to the car and to safety when Naruto's singsong voice stopped him.

"Oi Sasuke…" Sasuke turned slowly, dread making his movements robotic. Naruto face was seventy-five percent teeth at this point, his grin was that wide. Raw evil was stamped on his face. Sasuke gulped.

"What, dobe?"

"We'll talk soon, ne?"

Dear Kami-sama, he would never live this down.