Chapel bells were softly chiming somewhere. He intensely disliked that sound. They seemed always to say, 'God hates you, God hates you, God really hates you.'
Fine, I don't believe in God, so go away and stop bothering me. Hurriedly, he shut the window, not quite sure why something he didn't believe in was constantly poking him with a sharp stick. Ten thousand intellectual arguments no one could refute (he'd fiercely and eloquently defended all of them) and still this thing kept buzzing in his ear.
I really don't want to think about this right now. I just want a beer.
I… I… it's always 'I' isn't it?
Of course it's always 'I', do you see anyone else around? Even I don't want to be around me. These incredibly inane voices constantly questioning me, analyzing me, criticizing me. Can't you just leave me alone? You will not get the better of me. I refuse to admit defeat, in any form.
Doesn't that simply prove you're already defeated?
My head hurts. My leg hurts. My soul hurts. Pounding my leg with my fist to drown out the voices in my head. Why is there always pain? It doesn't matter what 'it' is, 'it' is always painful. Hard slaps, gentle touches, hate-filled screams, soothing voices, it's all the same. Every human contact is painful. God, I hate people.
God, I hate me.