You're Head's in My Fridge

Disclaimer: Still do not own Green Wing. But my plans for world domination are coming together nicely.

Summary: Here are some more shorts I found on my hard drive. It's Green Wing so therefore random.

To be or not to be… a packet of crisps

"Oranges and lemons

Sang the bells of saint Clements." Guy sang as he twisted the tubes stuck in the patient's mouth into funny shapes.

"Look it's a dog!" he cried.


"So what is your view on ready salted crisps?" Caroline asked Mac.

"I don't know. Should I have a view on ready salted crisps?"

"It's a good thing to have; you never know when you might need an opinion on them."

"When would I ever need an opinion on ready salted crisps?"

"Well lets just say a journalist comes to the hospital one day to do a report, they could turn around and ask you for you view on ready salted crisps, if you don't have one then what would you say?"

"Erm, next question."

"Alright but what if her next question is what colour would you prefer your ready salted crisp packet to be, yellow, pink, blue or other?"

"Erm, pass."

"You can't pass on everything, you'd look silly. What if she asked you do you ever eat ready salted crisps and if not why not?"

"Wouldn't that be covered in the first question, what are my views on ready salted crisps?"

"Yes but you passed on that question."

"Oh fair point. Then I would have to say, yes I do eat ready salted crisps but not exclusively."

"Why not, are they too salty for you?"

"No, I just have this thing going with prawn cocktail at the moment. What about you, do you only eat ready salted crisps or do you secretly enjoy another flavour?"

"I have to admit I do like salt and vinegar but please don't tell ready salted that – he'd be crushed."

"You're secret's safe with me."

"What do you think would happen if you got trapped in a room with just a packet of crisps for company?" Caroline asked.

"I don't know. What flavour is this packet of crisps?"

"Ready salted."

"I'd probably eat it."

"You can't eat it – that packet of ready salted crisps would have been your only friend. Cannibal."

Just then their pagers beeped simultaneously and they went off to open more people up and sew them back together again.