This isn't a story, more a compilation of one-shots that involve Harry and his belief that all 'magical' people are insane asylum escapees (hence the title). It will go in random order (meaning I will skip around a lot, going from a scene in the first book, to a scene in the fourth, to a scene in the second and so on and so forth…randomly). Enjoy.
Dumbledore ignored Snape's grumbling and McGonagall's sighs as he rang the doorbell.
"Boy! Get the door!" they heard from inside.
"Yes, Uncle Vernon," followed after. The sound of shifting footsteps, the lock unlocking and the door was opened by a short black-haired boy who didn't look older than eight with emerald green eyes.
"Can I help you?" the boy asked.
"Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked, smiling, overlooking the fact that Harry was obviously malnourished (which in turn caused both Snape and McGonagall to cast the Snape Glare of Death™ upon him).
"I am Professor Dumbledore, and these are Professors McGonagall and Snape. We are here from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You do believe in magic, of course?" The last part was more a statement than a question.
"Oh, I believe alright," Harry started, "I believe you (pointing at Dumbledore) and you (pointing at McGonagall) are both obviously senile and have escaped the insane asylum and have obviously dragged your poor minder (gestured at Snape) along with this insanity," Harry turned to look at Snape with a 'I feel sorry that you have to care for loony's' look on his face, "Would you like me to give you the directions back to the asylum, so you can put the patients back in their beds."
It took all of Snape's self control not to crack a smile at the emerald eyed boy, or even worse…laugh. Especially at the looks on Dumbledore and McGonagall's faces. McGonagall looked affronted, as no one in their right minds had ever called her senile (except Sirius Black, but he got two months of detention with Filch and therefore never spoke the word 'senile' again, especially in her presence). Dumbledore blinked several times in confusion.
"I beg your pardon?" Dumbledore asked. Harry regarded him for a moment.
"You're asking forgiveness for being insane…well, that's the first time that's happened to me…of course, this is the first time I've seen two senile old people dragging their minder along with them. Oh right," he turned back inside, "Uncle Vernon? What was the address to the insane asylum? There's a man out here with two senile escapees who are talking about witchcraft, and wizardry, and stuff like that."
"WHAT? I'LL NOT HAVE THAT FREAKISHNESS IN MY HOUSE!"
"They're not in the house; they're on the doorstep, and their minder would really like that address."
Snape snorted. Maybe this Potter wouldn't be so bad to keep around.