Standard disclaimers apply.
IF YOU WALK OUT ON ME
By Cassandra's Destiny
For a long time, you were the one chasing after me, appearing in every place I work at, every place I go. For a long time, you were the one thinking about me, bringing me food when I'm hungry, and offering me company when I'm alone. For a long time, you were the one waiting for me, waiting for the minutes I'll share with you, waiting for the days I wouldn't push you away.
But that was a long time ago, and now is not the time to think about times that have passed.
Or I guess I'm just not being brave.
I did not want to listen to the small, almost insignificant voice inside of me, telling me it was my fault. My emptiness was my fault. You running away was my fault. Everything was my fault.
And I reckon. Did I really push you too hard? Did I really tick off your sensitive side finally? Did I really make you feel I didn't care? Did I really hurt you that much, enough that you would walk away?
I dare not admit anything. Our relationship was doomed from the beginning. It was never meant to last. Heck, you and I both know it was a trial relationship. We said if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And now I say I'm finding reasons for my actions, trying to defend what I did wrong.
But did you really agree with me back then, Nakuru?
Was I hurting you by saying I just wanted to try?
Or was I hurting you by not saying I wanted to be with you?
Wrong is the man who said no man is an island. A man can live alone. A man is able to live alone.
But a pleasant life it would not be.
Loneliness can sometimes be a good thing. It gives a man time to think, time to contemplate about things bugging his mind. But loneliness is one thing; being away from the one you care about is another.
Wrong is everything. Wrong is this feeling.
I had to move, I had to pace, to think, to do something, anything, so that my mind wouldn't be drifting back to what I'm supposed to do, because I know what I'm supposed to do.
The voice was getting louder, telling me to do the right thing and apologize. But did I really do anything wrong? Did I really cross the boundaries already? Did I really hurt you?
Or maybe you just got tired of chasing after me, got tired of thinking of me, got tired of waiting…
And maybe it's about time you moved on.
I have always seen you as a nuisance, and I know I have made that clear to everyone, including you.
You were always hanging around me, like an insect I can't get rid of. You were always following me, like a helpless dog I can't lose sight of. You were always by my side, like a childhood toy I can't let go of. You were always running around in my head… like a drug I seem to be addictive of.
Stay away from me if you know I'm not best for you. Stay away from me if you don't want to get hurt. Stay away from me if you don't want to be near me. Stay away from me… if you no longer care.
But don't lie to me, Nakuru. Don't pretend you don't see me as I have done to you. Don't pretend to be fine with us apart as I have acted towards you. Don't lie. Don't make up a façade. Don't build strong walls to keep me out.
I know I have done a lot of things to hurt you. I know I have done a lot of things to push you away. So I was wrong. I am wrong. And this, perhaps, is the only right thing I would ever do.
I know what I'm about to do. I know what I have to do.
I am certain I have hurt you. I am certain you have finally walked away. I am certain of my feelings for you. And yes, I am certain you still feel the same way.
Wrong is the man who said we can never be together.
Because if you walk out on me...
"Touya, what are you doing here so late?"
"Eriol, I need to see her."
"I need to see Nakuru."
I'll walk right after you.