Disclaimer: I don't own Mario, blah blah blah.
Author's Note: My brother was doing some research and talking about how you can catch Luigi writing in his diary during Paper Mario, giving me the idea for this fanfic. This sort of oneshot isn't really my style, so sorry if it isn't that great, just please R&R!
"Where is it?" grumbled Luigi as he tore the house apart. Mario was out saving Peach again, and Luigi decided it would be a perfect opportunity to get his revenge on his brother. Mario and his friends had violated Luigi's privacy over and over, and now it was Luigi's turn. If only he could find that diary.
He knew Mario had one, everyone had one. Even Bowser had one – Peach loved reading it: apparently he wrote about her all the time. Luigi wondered what Mario wrote about Peach, or about Pauline, or Luigi himself. What did he think of Yoshi? How much does he hate Wario? All these questions spun through Luigi's head. Not only would he pay Mario back, but by reading his brother's diary, he would satisfy his curiosity too.
But the darn thing was nowhere to be found. Luigi had ground-pounded all over the house, hammered every wall, and shimmied through every nook and cranny he found. He crawled through the piping and ventilation shafts. He lit every torch with his fireballs (although he preferred using his thunderbrand, he thought it best to do things as Mario would). He cleared out the fridge, the pantry, and all the shelves, drawers and cupboards in the house. He wormed his way through the attic, he got lost in the basement, he moved the furniture, and he emptied the toolshed. Luigi had never realized how big the house was, or how spacious his freshly mown yard looked without countless gardening tools laying about. He had finished his spring cleaning a month early, but he had not found that diary!
"Oh come on!" moaned Luigi after one last look under Mario's bed. "I've looked everywhere!"
Suddenly his eyes widened in shock: he had overlooked one place. He sprung up and ran to the main room. He butt-flopped into the basement and scurried over to his worktable, where he wrote in his own diary. After a minute of searching he found a secret compartment and in no time at all he was holding Mario's Dairy in his hands.
It was a brown book, with a big red 'M' on the front. "Typical Mario," scoffed Luigi, setting the diary down. He couldn't wait to see what was inside and as he flipped the book open to a random page his hands were shaking. He took a deep breath and started reading.
Mammamia, I'm-a-hungry for some pasta.
Luigi blinked, that was all that was written for that date. He shrugged – everyone had their off-days when it came to writing diary entries. He then flipped to the next page.
Mammamia, I'm-a-hungry for some pizza.
"Oookaaay…" said Luigi, cocking an eyebrow and looking at the next page.
Mammamia, I'm-a-really hungry for some lasagna.
Luigi was getting really annoyed. He flipped the page and saw that the next entry was a bit longer. "Finally, something other than food," he sighed.
Bowser-a-kidnapped Peach today. I-a-rescued her and she backed me a cake, but I'm-a-still hungry for some pasta.
"Aaauuuugghhh!" moaned Luigi, exasperatedly. "I spent twelve hours tearing the house apart for this?"
"Hey! Get away from my-a-diary!" shouted a voice from behind Luigi.
He turned and saw Mario jumping down behind him. Usually Luigi would be afraid of retribution from his brother, but not today. "You call this a diary?" he exclaimed, holding up the book. "It's- it's nothing! A pointless waste of time! Diaries are for writing your secrets – things that you need to get off your chest; things that you can't tell anyone else. They're an outlet for your soul, not your appetite!"
"Diaries aren't for-a-secrets!" protested Mario. "If you don't-a-want people knowing what you-a-think, you don't-a-go writing it all-a-down in a book that anyone can just go-a-read!"
"But you're not supposed to read other peoples' diaries!"
"But you-a-just did – everyone-a-does: Peach reads-a-Bowser's, I read-a-yours," said Mario.
"And I read yours," smirked Luigi.
"Oh noooo! You're-a-NEVER reading my-a-dairy again!" shouted Mario threateningly.
"You don't have to tell me twice," scoffed Luigi, standing up to leave.
"No no no! You don't-a-get off that easily!" said Mario, blocking his brother's path and charging up his firebrand.
"Wait! Mario! Y-y-you d-don't have t-to d-do this," stuttered Luigi, backing away.
"Yes, I-a-do!" said Mario, grinning sinisterly.
"Well Weegie, I-a-hoped you learned your-a-lesson," said Mario, handing Luigi a cool cloth to put on the 'sunburn' on his face.
"You betcha," sighed Luigi, "always respect peoples' privacy." He put the cloth on his face, wincing. "And revenge is a dish best served cold… ice-cold."