It doesn't bother me now, but I look back at the things I did to get me where I am today, and I realize what my first mistake was. Listening, watching, and loving. I laugh when I think of them as mistakes. Because of them I have so much power, so much authority, I am a god on earth. They worship me as the physical representation of Shai'tan, a manifestation of evil. Then once again I look at the things I did, and realize with a smile that they could be a mistake from another's point of view.
They would wonder, when she came to me, why I listened to her. Why I let her entice me with promises of power, and sating of my lust. Her finger would trail slowly down my face and then chest as she spoke to me. Shivers would shoot up my spine, and I would be tempted to push her away, but I longed for the touch. Pressing her curvaceous body against mine, and whispering in my ear, her breath tickling my senses, she would tell me I could have everything I desired from the physical world, even her. And now, I too wondered why I had listened to her.
Maybe it was due to the promises of power, or the lusts that filled every nook and cranny of my mind. Maybe I felt drawn to her, maybe a connection from previous lives still remained embedded deeply in me. Or maybe, it was just because I wanted to. Wanted to listen to her, wanted her to try to pull me closer to the edge, wanted that body pressed close to mine, wanted her, wanted the power.
She would take me places in the dead of the night, when the rest of the camp, Stone, camp, or wherever I happened to be, was asleep. She would show me things that one could only know from firsthand experience that had been lost in the Breaking. Techniques that had not been used in hundreds of years, things and technologies that were once common, but had faded over time, the ideas all but disappearing in the clouds and mists of time. Incredible things, dark things. Machines, forms of torture, angreal, sa'angreal, ter'angreal, everything that may help me.
I watched as she took some of these things and showed my the magnitude of power that they contained. It was incredible. Dark mists appeared in the centers of towns on islands so remote that not even the Atha'an'miere had visited them. The mists would tear apart the people, and their screams would pierce the relative calm night. It was almost like Machin Shin, but as soon as that faint tingling sensation left the area, the mist dissipated, and anyone surviving was left to mourn, as once more she would whisk them away, and leave me where she had found me.
Slowly, as I listened and watched, something else entered me, something that I shouldn't have felt for someone like her, especially in my current opposition to her. I thought I could tell what was happening, but I had no desire to admit it, and I shut myself away from feelings. I made my mind an impenetrable fortress, stone cold, nothing would I feel, nothing would pull me away from my main goal. Not even something like this, no matter how sick and twisted it happened to be. I told myself thousands of times that she wasn't the one, there was another, I was just confusing my feelings, I was never a very good liar.
Very slowly, bit by bit, I was able to cope with the facts, and the sick emotions. I was falling in love with this dark temptress, this Lady of the night, her ways were attracting me, and that edge was drawing closer and closer. The darkness, and the evil were slowly corrupting me, gripping into my soul tightly and dragging me downward. I couldn't tell her these things, but I knew she could tell what was going through my head, and I could tell she was enjoying every second of it. She was absolutely euphoric about the control she had over me, the way I would follow where she led. But I couldn't help it, she had snared me in her trap, and there was no getting out.
My first mistake, was really no mistake at all, it was a fall. That cliff had been opening wider and wider, until finally I was standing on the edge, teetering, almost falling in. Now that gaping crack in my morality was completely torn open, my morality destroyed, and I fell in. The shadowed darkness swallowed me, and I was gone. She knew I was with her now, but she told me to stay where I was, it would be much easier to take control of things if they were attacked by their illustrious leader.
So I stayed, both with my men, and in love.
First one, R&R.