Emotions And Equations
His desk lamp had been left on, a little yellow spotlight glowing on the other side of his quarters and illuminating the room just enough so he could see Elizabeth lying next to him.
He was sat up in his bed, leaning back against a couple of cushions, the covers pulled up to his waist but no higher so they wouldn't cover her head. He didn't want her to feel suffocated or trapped, like he would.
She was lying on her stomach, the covers up to her neck, her face away from him. His head was next to his waist, the dark curls a mop on her head and brushing against his skin. One arm was draped over his legs, holding onto him, the other he couldn't see. Her own long legs were stretched out down the length of his bed, limp and relaxed.
He did this a lot, sat and watched her sleep. It was a strange thing for him to do, when he couldn't sleep he worked and he didn't really sleep a whole lot. It wasn't like him to do almost nothing like this. In his lab he had four projects on the go, on his lap top three reports to finish and he was going through the gate regularly. At night he slept as much as he could stand, dreaming himself into a twist, waking up unable to remember anything.
To sit here, like this, silently and still, was just not like him. Though he wasn't entirely still, his hands were occupied. He stroked her back with his right hand, smoothing his palm over her soft skin, gently massaging her shoulder every so often. His left hand was wrapped around the wrist of the arm she had draped over him. He moved his thumb back and forth over her skin, rubbing firmly so that maybe she would feel it in her sleep.
He had often wanted to ask Carson if she would feel his caresses in her sleep but he wasn't sure how to broach the subject with the man. He found he couldn't talk about his relationship with Elizabeth very easily.
He wasn't one to brag but he'd dated and slept with some very beautiful women (he always left out the part where they dumped him quickly). When he talked about past girlfriend and current possibilities on Atlantis with Sheppard and others, he could talk about his ex Stacey, talk about the pretty Athosian that was good friends with Teyla (but he could never remember the name of) but he couldn't talk about Elizabeth Weir. Neither before nor after they had started sleeping together.
He noticed though, that a few others had the problem talking about her in the same way as they talked about other women. Possibly because she was the boss, he knew, but his irrational side told him it was because they loved her almost as much as he did.
He couldn't talk about her, or their relationship, because he loved her. Because she was important to him, more important than Sam Carter, or Stacey Lewis or any other woman.
That wasn't like him either, to have a person to be an important part of his life like this. Equations were important, technologies and numbers and theories. People were just background. Even his own family but not this woman.
He was in love. He hated to admit it because he was unsure of her feelings for him. They hadn't had that conversation yet. He hated to admit it because he wasn't sure he was capable pf putting another person ahead of himself. He wasn't sure he was capable of putting another person ahead of his work.
He suspected however, that Elizabeth might understand that herself.
He was tired and he knew he could, and should, sleep, but he found himself enjoying this. Just sitting and feeling. Enjoying good emotions, instead of fear or frustration.
She shifted beside him, turning onto her side, her arm sliding across his legs. Lazily, she tugged at his boxers and he moved some hair to one side to see her smiling, her eyes still closed. She moved forward to kiss him and he smiled at the confused look on her face that appeared when she kissed the cotton of his underwear. She opened an eye and looked up at him, before frowning and shutting it again.
"Why are you awake Rodney?" Her voice was thick, and muffled by his leg.
"Why are you awake?" She growled.
"I'm not awake."
"Talking in your sleep?"
"Just answer the question."
"You're asleep remember and you probably won't remember this in the morning so I'd rather not waste the energy explaining to you the complexities of why I'm awake at half past three in the morning." He grinned.
"It's a good thing I love you so much or I'd make you sleep on the sofa."
"I don't have a sofa." He said, ignoring the L word for the moment.
"I'll get you one for next time."
"The next time you tell me you love me, or the next time I annoy you?" She growled again, huffed and turned over. Rodney grinned from ear to ear. "I love you too." He said, trying not to laugh at her or at how happy he felt.
Energised he jumped out of bed and dressed leaving her to go back to sleep in his bed, his emotions inspiring him back into form and to finish some equations that had been annoying him.
This may not be completely like him but he liked himself a whole lot better when he was in love.