Disclaimer: Standard, FFVIII owned by square...

Well, i can't sleep, so i'm writing about what the guys of FFVIII would be doing in my situation.
I tend to be pretty dark when sleepy, so bear with me

Squall X Rinoa

Squall gets up from the bed, Rinoa turns to him, she can't sleep, either.

-Ok, i'm gonna kill him...

Three meters beyond in the sofa, Laguna IS sleeping and snoring

-C'mon he was kind enough to visit us here at balamb.
-Yeah, he brought his presidential butt in here, BUT why is he staying here? The garden has enough rooms.
-Squally, don't be like that. Remember that we were playing monopoly and it got too long...

Damn right, that's yet another girly thing that Rinoa made him do, sometimes he wonders why he still keeps being with her, c'mon she is short, has a fetiche with animals, she PLAYS pokemon and the worst, she doesn't shave her legs(well, the pokemon thing is the worst, really).

Then he remembers, his father, the Galbadian General who told him after they defeat Ultimecia, with a suspiciously grim voice, and wearing his campaign uniform:

-Take care of my daughter. Keep in mind that her ex-boyfriends were from Timber AND Dollet, you know what i mean right?

Now the national security depends just in him, gosh if she at least takes a bath once a week, what a pig...

-C'mon honey, we can pass the time together, how 'bout some midnight sex?
-Suuure, how about the secret service over there?

He points at Kiros, who is personally bodyguarding Laguna, at his mention he just raises his whisky-filled glass and appoints that don't mind him, that he will enjoy it at much as them.

- No, now that i think it better, let's see oprah - No way, you won't gonna make me do that. Let's go to sleep - Oh yeah, you will. Remember what my daddy said.

Squall gasps in defeat..

-Ok, let me get the remote.

He looks in the cabinet and gets a bat, then he hits Rinoa, ten times. Then goes to Kiros and repeats, he finishes with Laguna

-Go to sleep, i said.

Then he goes to his agenda, in the space that marks the next day he writes calmly: "Invade Galbadia and Esthar", and smiles, finally some peace.

Quistis X Fujin

-But you are a women !
-It's ok, you just need to practice..

A totally leathered-dressed Fujin unties a totally naked Quistis from the wall. With Squall, Seifer, Irvine, Nida, Laguna and even Zell dumping her, Quistis had no choice but to turn... to GFs: she tried with Ifrit, Bahamut, Eden, Cactuar she even drugged the poor carbuncle, however the only one close enough to please her was Shiva, when shiva dumped her, too. she went les and seduced Fujin.

-Ok, is my turn, Fui.
-C'mon, i'll be gentle.
-The last time you said it you almost blew my other eye away.

Quistis chuckles

-And wasn't that fun? C' mon, you are my sweet girl i now you can.
-No, i want to please you too.

Fui raises Quistis' whip and hits her, Quistis groans..

-Oh, yeah. Harder, harder Fui, please me.

another hit with the whip, tears of joy can be seen in Quistis' eyes. Fujin gets close and kiss her, then in the climax she bits Quistis tongue, Quistis grabs Fui, raises her and tosses her to the bed.

-Now i'm turned on.
-I'VE BEEN VERY BAD INSTRUCTOR -You better keep going like that...

Seifer X Zell

Zell's stomach is grumbling, he is hungry therefore he can't sleep. So he goes to the cafeteria, is after hours and the Garden faculty is in front of it, but a nice porn take care of it, poor guys they really have a sad life.

So now he is standing in front of the cafeteria's fridge. It is large enough for at least ten persons, no wonder why as it holds the food to feed a thousand people. It is fuckin' cold inside, like -15 degrees C, he gets inside to look for the weenies and finds... Seifer frozen, with the impresion he jumps and hits his head with a meat pack, a mountain of boxes of frozen pre-made hamburgers hits him in the back, and he faints.

Seifer chuckles and rises,

-Well, that makes five tonight.

Then he proceeds to tie Zell and carries him with the others, next to Xu. He gets out of the fridge and calls the Cafeteria Lady:

-The group is complete, we can have hot dogs for a week if you want.

She smiles and pays him for the good job.

-Don't waste it all on hookers.
-What hookers? We had steak last week remember?...

Selphie X Irvine

-Everything is ready, Irv?
-Ready to go, sweetheart.
-Then GO

Selphie push the button and the bomb explodes and Balamb Hotel goes down, screams can be heard

-YEAH, Blow it to the smitereens... see it Irv. BURN, AWHAHAHAHAHAHA (mad scientist laugh)
-Boss, the cops are comin' -Your turn, Irv.

Irvine begins to snipe the cops, one by one, when the drew near, after ten losses, he goes to Selphie's motocicle and they begin to flee

-Scram guys, you know what to do. Go to the stronhold..

The police engage Selphie's gang in a high-speed persecution, which ends before the fire cave, where Ifrit destroy all the cops' cars

-Yeah, bring me the rocket launcher...

Selphie is about to shoot the already downed cars with the launcher as she sees something in the sky, so she shoots the thing, who begins to fall and crash in front of garden. Selphie rides there and finds a cyan alien...

-Shut up, ET

And another rocket blows the alien to the smitereens...

Edea X Cid

-Well, you must do this, it keep me awake night after night.
-But, it's been ages.
- Nobody can but you edea, can't you see it? can't you sense it?
- Well, i really can't sense it.
- But it is you fault !
- You were the one who wanted to show me how to use a dildo when i feel lonely

Cid cries

-But is in my ass Edea, in my ASS.
-It has been there the last fourteen years.
-Yeah, and each yeah it gets an inch deeper, i can't take it anymore.
- ok, but it will hurt.
-Don't care... PULL...

Raijin X Ultimecia

-C'mon man.
-I'm not a man.. I'm the witch of time -Yeah, you are a witch, granted, but why me?
-Because you are the only dumb enough to make it.
-i'm not dumb, i have a PhD.
-Anyway, i am a witch and i need a knight.
- And what i get from it?
- Unlimited pain and sorrow.
- But is a written contract, right?
- Of course, always legal.
- Ok, deal. Where do i sign?
-Here Raijin signs and Ultimecia smiles, then she signs the contract, too

- What was that PhD of again?

Raijin smiles even more.


And then a SWAT team enters and storm the place. They take down Griever, and an agent gets to Ultimecia

-Ultimecia Von Hildenburgh, you are under arrest under the charge of hiring underaged kids to work...


AN: Yeah, i'm delirating anyway R&R AN2: Yeah, i hate rinoa and think that Selphie has a megaloman complex.