Mr. Perfect and Mr. Oddball
Touya had been attending Toudou University for half a year now. He had a few acquaintances, a few girls were after him, he got excellent marks. He was getting on marvellous. Yuki was even more enthusiastic about them going to the same university. And Yuki was also the first of them to notice it.
Touya was never paid much attention to his comrades, but he had to admit they had also caught his eye. Yuki had been devouring a giant plate of cookies in the cafeteria, when he discreetly pointed to his left and whispered, "The guy eats twice as much cake as I do."
Naturally, Touya gave a laugh first. No creature on earth, human or not, could consume more sweets than his little Yuki. But he looked nonetheless. And even though the young man was sitting with a group of colleagues, Touya spotted him instantly. There was not a giant, but a monstrous, miles-wide plate of strawberry cake before him. Touya gaped.
Yuki munched on his cookies, almost timid. "And I've seen him eat an entire chocolate fuge with sugar topping all by himself. It's amazing." His voice was tinted with awe. Never had Yuki encountered such a worthy rival concerning cakes.
Touya got sick from plain looking at the sugary stuff. His fingers itched. He really, really wanted to rip the fork out of the scrawny boys hands – oh god, how do he hold that thing? It was dangling between his index finger and thumb….and he was…sitting like an ape…and looked skinny. Somebody who downed so many calories had no right to look so skinny!
His hair was wild and stood up in every possible and impossible direction. Touya remembered. He had seen this guy before, he had been one of the men who held speeches at the ceremony. Was he wearing that shirt still? Touya felt like fainting.
Mr. Oddball, that was him from then on.
Whenever Yuki or him heard of Ryuuga getting the top grades, or of Ryuuga having robbed the cafeteria of ice cream (Yuki cried), or of Ryuuga getting both top grades and robbing the cafeteria of muffins at the same time, they shrugged their shoulders and declared, "Now that's Mr. Oddball."
A short while after their first encounter with Mr. Oddball, when they started to spot him regularly on campus, they noticed another point of interest: a perfect human existed. At least, Mr. Perfect came close. Mr. Oddball got amazing grades seemingly without working for them, but Mr. Perfect also never was seen learing, and his grades were just as brilliant, and he looked neat. This Touya only noticed because it was a sharp contrast to Mr. Oddball, and this he only noticed because the two of them were always together. Always.
Not that it wasn't just strange to see day and night walking side by side, but it was mostly creepy to watch them acting like,.….erm, a couple married long ago. Quite long ago.
Mr. Oddball ate. In a messy manner. Mr. Perfect sat by, not touching his cup of tea, rolling his eyes. At Mr. Oddball. Rolling them some more. Obviously waiting for something. Finally, Mr. Perfect reached across the table and dabbed the crumbs around Mr. Oddballs mouth away. Mr. Oddball grinned. Mr. Perfect shook his head, annoyed, took a sip of his tea. Noticed some new crumbs. And over it started again.
Yuki made a very interesting observation. "Did you notice that they even do that when somebody else is around? Not as often, but they do. Even when the model's here. You know, the one who is Mr. Perfects 'girlfriend'." At this point both chuckled, because they just saw how annoyed Mr. Perfect was with her. "They must know each other very well."
Touya grinned, a little scene he had watched some days ago coming to his head. "I bet they do."
"Isn't it funny? They are very different…" Yuki smiled. "But so are we, come to think of it."
"I know something you don't."
Yuki perked up. "What?"
A broad, broad grin spread over Touyas face. "Mr. Perfect is very keen on not being seen when having sex."
"How….how did you get to know that…?" Yuki took a few steps back. Just for safety measures.
"Well, from the plain fact he hides very well."
"And you bring his up because……?"
"Mr. Oddball is not that hooked up about not being caught."
Yukis eyes budged out of their sockets. "Oh."
Touya strolled across the campus when he noticed Mr. Perfect and Mr. Oddball. Not that he was overly interested in them, they were just fun to watch. Currently, the model was with them and screeching at…well, both of them, then whirled around and walked off, surprisingly fast for somebody who had 10-cm-heels on delicate feet.
Now Mr. Perfect and Mr. Oddball stood alone, one hunched over and biting his thumb like always, the other rubbing his temples as if fighting a major headache.
Slowly, Touya walked a bit closer. When he was able to hear them, he stopped.
"Ryuzaki? Please tell me what exactly you intended when you said 'come in'. To Misa. When we were in a position even somebody dumber than her would have understood. Just tell me what was on your mind right then, so I can give the police my motive when they find your corpse."
"Light-kun, are implying that you contemplate killing me? This raises the possibility of you being….."
"No." Mr. Perfects voice was very thin, very controlled and shaking with suppressed need for destruction. Still rubbing his temples, he was obviously fighting for self-control. "I'll kill you using the good old strangle-your-victim-method."
"Oh." Mr. Oddball backed away a bit. A bit more. And another bit. Finally, there were about five metres between them.
Mr. Perfects face sported a very cruel, twisted, sadistic smirk.
Touya shivered and quietly stepped away, shaken by his realization. That was not Mr. Perfect. That was Mr. Creepy.
Mr. horribly, horribly Creepy.
The rest of the argument, Touya erased from his mind. It was a bit bloody. And gave him some ideas for when Yuki complained of him being too soft. But all in all, he was very glad that he didn't know how Mr. Perfect and Mr. Oddball behaved in private.