Another piece of insanity that I found in my comupter cleaning...I hate to imagine what I would find if I took the time to clean my brain out...Or maybe not. :P
DISCLAIMER: And nope Star Trek won't even let me own anything of their's even for Valentine's Day or St. Paddy's Day or Ash Wednesday or anything. Not that they have any reason to, it just would've been nice.
MY HEART GOES BOOM
Walking into sickbay a half an hour late, McCoy carefully refrained from looking in the direction of Christine Chapel, who was putting away the newest shipment of medicine that had arrived that morning. She had only caught the staggering blur of blue of the corner of her eye before it disappeared into his office, but knew instinctly that the man was going to be a bear the entire day.
Less than ten seconds later, McCoy came back out of his office narrowed his blood shot baby blues and glared across the room at the medical cabinets. After some careful calculations he started forward at a slow pace that built up speed until he arrived at his destination and placed a half-steady hand on the glass cabinet. For a moment he stood still ignoring the waiting look from his Head Nurse, then opened the cabinet and retrieved a full bottle of aspirin then returned to his office in the same fashion.
Two minutes later, Captain James Kirk hesitated while grabbing hold of the doorframe to steady himself and readjust his blurry gaze in the startling bright light of sickbay. Catching the movement of Chapel at the cabinets, he immediately straightened up and strode into the room, absently straightening out any disheveling wrinkles in his dull gold shirt.
Half-turning from the cabinet, Christine raised an eyebrow and pointed towards the dimly lit office, then watched the Captain make his way to the door, again pause before stepping into the more comfortably lit room. When the office door shut, she set the lock on the cabinet and returned to her desk knowing someone was going to have to stay close to an intercom, if anyone wanted to know why the Captain wasn't on the bridge.
Grabbing the back of a chair to re-steady himself again as the office door hissed shut, Kirk grimaced as he ran a hand over his tired face. "What did we do last night?"
"I don't know, Jim. I'm not real sure how I got into my office this morning." Grumbled the Doctor still trying to open the aspirin bottle he held. "I may have slept here all night for all I know."
Sinking into the chair in slow motion, Kirk winced again when he did finally land. "I was in my own cabin when I came to, but that's about it. Everything after Scotty tried showing Chekov the right way to wear a kilt is a complete and total blur."
"Lucky you." McCoy grunted tossing the still unopened aspirin bottle on the desk. "You won't be having nightmares of what happened later. It's amazing how when your three sheets to the wind something can be hysterical and the next day while you're dying on your bathroom floor, you wonder why you would even participate in something so asinine. Of course, next week I'll be saying the same thing, so what the hell do I know?"
"Bones, you're talking too much. It's making my head vibrate even more than it already was." Kirk murmured reaching with slightly trembling fingers for the bottle of aspirin.
With amazing amount of gentleness and prudence McCoy laid his forehead on the cool desktop and sighed exhaustedly. "Next year when Scotty decides to throw a party for that grand laddie Robbie Burr again, either shoot him or me."
"I'll save myself a lot of trouble and shoot you both." Kirk decided as the top finally popped open on the aspirin bottle.
Suddenly the desk intercom buzzed causing both men to cringe at the abrasive, loud noise. It was going to be a long painful day.
Rolling his head back and forth on the desktop, McCoy moaned quietly. "Just shoot me now, Jim."
"Doctor." The voice that would've normally sounded benevolent to the two men grated like someone running a metal rake on a concrete road. "When the supplies came in this morning, there was a package for you. I set it off to the side on the shelves, since I knew you would need as much desk space as possible this morning when you came in."
"God, I hate smartass people this early in the morning." Groaned the Doctor slowly lifting his head up from the desktop. "Promise me when I'm gone that you'll make everyday of her life miserable while she's still on this ship."
"Only if I don't die before you." Kirk gurgled dumping three aspirin into his hand, then reset the bottle back on to the desk.
Squinting around the office, McCoy spots the box in question sitting at one end of a display case of nineteenth and twentieth century medical books. With the break neck speed of a half spiffed sloth, he rolled the chair back then a few feet to the left, pulled the box off the shelf and rolled back to the desk. Setting the twelve inch square box on the desktop, he stared at it with as much enthusiasm as a certain Vulcan Science Officer would stare at an all meat platter.
"I wonder what it is?" He inquired more to himself than anything else.
"You weren't expecting anything?" Kirk asked perking up about 29 percent as he glanced around for something to take with his aspirin.
"I don't remember expecting anything particular." Blinking at the box before looking up at Kirk, McCoy could only frown even more as he tried to recall anything that he could have done or said before ten o'clock last night.
"Why don't you activate the identification chip? I'm sure that'll help." Kirk pointed out still scouting around with little hope of atleast a crust of bread to use in swallowing the bitter pills.
Giving his friend an irritated look, McCoy moved a few degrees forward in his seat to examine the top of the box. In truth the only thing he felt like doing was having gently, lovely and quiet young lady help him back to his cabin, where he could roll up in his blanket, stuff a couple of pillows into his ears and fall into a deep dreamless oblivious sleep until this time next month.
Finding the tiny flat square button in the top left corner, he pressed it and instantly regretted it when the overly zealous, giddy voice reverberated off the walls surrounding the two men.
"This special gift has been sent just to you! Because you're thought of each day through! You're sweet and kind and loveable, too! That's why we sent this on to you! We hope this Valentine's gift brings you happiness and smiles till your day's are through."
Hand covering the small speaker that the cheerfully, skull splitting voice was bubbling from McCoy propped his head up with his other hand in agony. "What sick, twisted mind would send something so heinous to me?'
Slowly lowering his hands from his ears, Kirk stared dubiously at the box. "Someone who obviously hasn't been around you for the last fifteen years."
"I don't know if I want to open it or not, if it's going to be that obnoxious already." Slowly rising to his feet, McCoy deactivated the box's seal. "God knows what it could be."
"What me to call security?" Suggested the Captain nearly managing a tiny painful smile.
The bleary eyes gave Kirk an ill-humored look before the Doctor started pawing around in the box. Feeling something soft and furry upon the first touch of the object, McCoy pursed his lips silently praying to anything of a holy nature that it wasn't one of those banes of the universe. A tribble. But there wasn't any trilling noises or any body warmth to it and he if he wasn't crazy he thought he could feel a small round ear. Thank the Heaven's. Deciding it was somewhat safe, as long as they were already in sickbay, he removed it from the box and held it up to look at.
"It's a teddy bear." Kirk exclaimed the miserable looking smile growing a degree or two at the sight of the pale beige chenille bear. "My God Bones, somebody sent you a teddy bear."
"Now that's just despicable." Grumbled McCoy giving the ten-inch bear a disgusted look. "What person, in his right mind, would send me anything like this for any reason, let alone Valentine's Day? And Valentine's is what? Three weeks away yet? It's got to be some kinda twisted joke."
Suddenly the stuffed creature came to life in his hands, it's cheeks glowing bright red through the chenille fuzz while the head began to tilt from one side to the other. It's hockey stick arms stretched out towards McCoy, while the unmistakable cartoon sound of a heartbeat was being emitted from the little furry chest.
"I love you. You make my heart go boomity-boom." It giggled at the Doctor who was the verge of being physically ill.
"Oh God. That's just sick." He growled turning his head away from the toy until he was gazing at it from the corner of an appalled eye. "If I ever find out who sent this thing, they're gonna find out what goes boomity-boom."
Finding that it felt like a jackhammer in his head when he laughed, Kirk could only grin at the embarrassment. "Maybe it's from Jocelyn."
An ugly snort was McCoy's first reaction. "If that were the case, lasers would've shot of its eye the minute I picked it up. This is somebody with a real depraved mind."
"What about Joanna?" Was the next suggestion, as the Captain contemplated the idea of just swallowing the aspirin whole or chewing them up first.
McCoy started to speak then stopped himself as he shifted his eyes back to the bear. "I suppose it's possible. But it's still just…odd and damned early."
"Who knows Bones, it might be from last year and finally caught up to us? You know how the personal mail can be if it's not something sent through channels." Suggested Kirk miraculously standing up in one sweeping motion and only teetering once, as he decided to hold on to the aspirin until he could get his hands on some tomato juice. "Or possibly she sent early to guarantee it would be here in time for Valentine's Day. You should be thrilled Bones, it's probably the only thing you'll get."
"Considering the fact that neither one of us can remember anything that happened last night, I wouldn't be too sure you get any roses from anyone from the female gene pool on this ship for the day either." Was the caustic retort from the disheveled Doctor as he quickly slipped the teddy bear back into its box.
"You're not going to keep it in here?" Asked Kirk trying so sound atleast halfway pseudo-surprised as he watched McCoy seal the box back up.
"Are you out of narcissistic mind?" Snapped McCoy regretting it when his head throbbed violently under the strain. "If anyone on this ship came in here and spotted it sitting in the corner of my office I would never hear the end of it. And I'm not going to go into what that green blooded back up computer would say the second he came sauntering in here and saw it. Nope. It's going right into my cabin."
"That pretty well ensures that no one else is going to see it." Agreed Kirk trying to focus his eyes on the office chrono.
"For a man who supposedly has a hangover that could kill a full sized Romulan armored mammoth, you really are still quite the comedian, Jim." Muttered McCoy picking up the box and tucking it under his arm. "Now if you'll excuse me Captain, my office is closed for the rest of the morning and probably the day."
"And why is that Doctor?" Inquired Kirk taking on a faint authoritative posture. "I have all intention of working my shift today."
"Yes, but then you are the big brave Captain of this ship. You're expected to be the prime example of strength, integrity and goodness. They don't believe that you'd actually have feet of clay, or you won't let them let's just say." Elaborated the Doctor, as he made his way around the desk. "I on the other hand, am the cantankerous, irascible Chief Medical Officer, who enjoys spending my day forcing people to disrobe down to nothing, then poke and prod them with instruments that they believe are actual medieval torture devices. The only time they want to see me is when they come in here carrying a body part or vital organ in their hands, wanting me to magically put it back for them. And unless that does happen, I am spending the rest of the day in my cabin, where I have my own bottle of industrial strength aspirin, maximum strength antacid and earplugs."
An eyebrow rose along the aching forehead as Kirk watched McCoy pass him on his way to door. "Admit it Bones, you just want to spend some time alone with your new friend."
Pausing in the office doorway, McCoy glanced back at Kirk with a disturbed exasperation. "There are times I actually wonder why you bother asking a woman out sometimes."
It was two days later that McCoy finally remembered the package that he had set on his worktable in his cabin. Opening it, he removed the beige teddy bear wincing again at the little diddy it sang to him as it's head moving and cheeks becoming a unsettling crimson color. It hadn't just been the hangover; the damn thing was an atrocity.
After a few moments of thought he finally decided to sit it on one of the shelves by this desk, after a pang of guilt hit his fatherly nature. He was already walking a fine line with his daughter, the last thing he wanted was for her to show up on an off chance and inquire about the lovely Valentine gift she had sent him. It would little shabby to say it was in storage with his chalk board and lunch bucket from his school days.
Taking a step back from the desk, he gave it an introspective look. Of course he couldn't be sure that's who it was from, but it did seem reasonable the more he thought about it. He sure as hell knew Jocelyn hadn't sent it. Then again, the more he really did think about it, the more he wondered who really did send it.
With another step back, he found himself drawn to the small black eyes staring back at him. It was strange for such a supposedly stomach churning cute toy, to have cold beady little eyes. They seem to be staring straight at him with interest. A sinister interest.
Maybe Jocelyn did send it.
The intercom abruptly buzzed, jarring McCoy enough that he fidgeted as he glanced around to see if anyone had seen him jump. A move that made him feel even more idiotic in his cabin, by himself, as he walked over and flipped the intercom switch.
"Bones, you do plan on attending our first briefing on the Dolcrockian agenda. Because it would be nice if someone from the medical staff would be here just in case while they were onboard my ship an emergency suddenly came up." Kirk growled through the intercom, making it quite apparent that he was already feeling some heat from the small Federation group that had set up the whole thing. "Or would you rather have all of us come down to your cabin?"
"I'm on my way, Jim." Sighed the Doctor then switched the intercom off his gaze flickering back up at the bear again. "And you. I expect to find my cabin exactly as it is when I come back."
The cheeks began to glow again as the small head slanted off to the left, it's little black eyes glittering after him as McCoy ducked out his cabin door. "You make my heart go boomity-boom."